12

Respectfully, I don't think your issue is about facing the consequences of your brother's actions. I've got relatives who act in a similar way. The challenge is not only in enabling their behavior, it's also in understanding how they look at other people. In your case, your brother sees you as a resource. He made a deal, knowing what its terms were. When ...


10

This sounds like, in the end, you are going to need to grit your teeth and stand your ground. But they are a few things you could try before that. If those are work meetings, the easiest solution would just be to say "Sorry, I'm not available at this time but this <other time within work hours> works for me". I work part-time so this issue ...


8

First, please do not say that things "are not your favourite" if you don't like them. My husband uses the phrasing "I'm not a lover of" something like ham and I used to think "well fine, I love it, you're ok with it, we'll eat it sometimes" and it was literally decades before I learned this actually meant "I don't like ham ...


6

Framing is used to have others think in a certain way about a problem. Winning the argument by assuming you already won. A classic example of framing outside politics is found in parenting smaller children. (Not "do you want to put on your shoes?" but "which shoe do you want to put on first?" - Don't leave a doubt that they will put on ...


3

You are asking for how to give your mother feedback in a way, as you put is that 'doesn't upset her but still allows for honesty.' You tell us that: everyone takes special effort to sandwich their feedback I wonder why you are doing that, given the answer you accepted on the your earlier question on the effectiveness of sandwich feedback. The article ...


3

I believe there are ways to counter the lack of nuance, black and white thinking that comes associated to this phenomenon. Play dumb Usually when we have a complex topic summarized in one word, and applied in the wild, it's always possible to not know the reference, genuinely (I often don't), or perhaps because you'd like to be sure of what interpretation of ...


2

It's been a few months now since writing this question, but I think during the last two months or so, I solved the problem. Grandma is now calling less and if she does, I manage to handle the phone calls in a way that makes her stop bombarding my parents with phone calls after our call. A few things coincided here that have helped deal with grandma's phone ...


2

A point mentioned in the question is that you have "unbalance between levels of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust". I think this is a misconception of trust as being per-nature quanta that could be independently high or low. Trust as a metric or collection of metric is highly criticized. Trust escapes a simple measurement because ...


2

Choose a dish your mother cooks that everybody likes. Ask her if she would show you how to make it the next time she is cooking it, because you would one day like to impress people with your culinary skills. Repeat. Now you have a list of favourites you can steer her towards. Yes, this new recipe was OK, but you know I like your Lancashire Hot Pot so much ...


1

TLDR: Unsolicited advice is bad. I'll try to focus on on the base question and not just the example... It depends a lot on the situation. A parent teaching their child is very different from a sibling enforcing a deal, which in turn is very different from a coworker offering advice, which in turn is very different from trying to do this with a stranger. ...


1

Set clear boundaries at the start and follow through. It's a bit late to do that now, but what you need to do is to set very clear boundaries at the start. Talk up your car, say how useful it is, how much you value it being useable, and how it's a big favor handing him something worth thousands of dollars. Get him to promise he's going to treat it right, not ...


1

Though i'm not from the Netherlands, my mother also likes to cook and try new recipes, some of which are more of a success than others. My main piece of advice is to ensure that your feedback has something positive or at the very least, constructive, as if someone has put any amount of effort into preparing a meal for you they won't like being told its bad. ...


1

Personal Experience I have had few seniors who used to say that I am their good friend to get more than what I get paid for. This helps the organization, no doubt. This relation can be healthy too. Few people take their role very seriously and do not pay attention to their own personal time. However, the majority of the time, it is for personal gains. I need ...


1

To start with look after yourself first and foremost. I have been in the same situation, rushing all over and making great efforts only to find they cannot imagine living in a clean place, not following through with the smallest effort. It breaks the heart all day long. In the end it is best to take your heart elsewhere. For the short term you must present ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible