49

I have depression and anxiety. I had it for years and it took me a very long time for me to finally be able to reach out and see a therapist for help. First of all, you need to know that only one conversation probably won't make your SO willing to see a therapist. There is a lot of stigma around therapists and mental health and it won't go away overnight. ...


48

I think the problem here could be that by acting disinterested about those family members, your mother feels like you are also acting disinterested about her feelings. My mother does the exact same thing. I do in general also not really care about a large part of my family members. But the thing is that she does care. When something troublesome is happening ...


19

The idea that you can fake reasonably complex emotional responses with a kind of formula is illogical. Your mother, and probably no-one else, has probably never been fooled by your script, but this time got fed up and decided to press you on it. Is there anyone you are genuinely interested in? How would such a conversation go in this case? What kind of ...


13

It's hard to be sure, but I think you're misunderstanding the help that is being asked for. You hear "come over and help grandfather get better, or help me decide if we should rush to the hospital." I hear "come over and help me feel better about my husband being sick and maybe having to go to the hospital." She doesn't want to be alone ...


9

First of all, remember that your grandmother is in a very, very scary situation. Her husband that she has loved and relied on for decades, is mysteriously ill. Being scared and panicked is normal under these circumstances. I'm not saying that panicking helps, just that it's normal. I sometimes get calls from a close relative who gets easily overwhelmed ...


8

Since the two of you know each other quite well and this is a private conversation, I see no need to stick with "traditional" lines of condolences. I speak from personal experiences in which friends supported me through difficult situations in untraditional methods, since that was what I needed at the time. As they teach in client-centred therapy, the ...


6

Framing is used to have others think in a certain way about a problem. Winning the argument by assuming you already won. A classic example of framing outside politics is found in parenting smaller children. (Not "do you want to put on your shoes?" but "which shoe do you want to put on first?" - Don't leave a doubt that they will put on ...


6

Your fiancé sounds a lot like I was. I was engaged and my partner thought I should have therapy. I resisted because there was nothing wrong with me, right? What does a woman want to do when she finds the perfect man? She wants to improve him, right? So I discounted her views. I'd had therapy before and it had ranged from a waste of time to doing me more ...


5

It sounds like simply ignoring messages isn't an option. In cases like this where I don't want to be interrupted, I've usually gone with a variant of "I'm pretty busy, what's up?". If the answer is "I've got an exception I need you to look at" or some such work issue, then I make a priority decision. But if it's chitchat, and chitchat is unavoidable, what ...


5

I have a significant other who was bullied at school, was beat at least once by his father, had abusive previous partners, and lost his mother. In general, a life that you could euphemistically call tough. Over time, he developed defense mechanisms that weren't necessary and a bit awkward, like talking about difficult, intimate subject in public in order to ...


5

Disclaimer: I use stronger words and controversial simplifications not to offend anyone but to emphasize nuances in details that softer words may cover under one word. I kindly ask careful reader to downscale the strength of the words while maintaing the difference. Background: I am from Czech Republic and I live here. The society here seems a bit behind so ...


4

Another thing to consider is the zoning out and being sad could very well be due to her having forgotten what comes next. This is a very real and frustrating part of this condition. If she at least is still remembering that she had forgotten that bit, she'll be very reluctant to re-attempt that story. It may be better to encourage her to tell a different ...


3

I believe there are ways to counter the lack of nuance, black and white thinking that comes associated to this phenomenon. Play dumb Usually when we have a complex topic summarized in one word, and applied in the wild, it's always possible to not know the reference, genuinely (I often don't), or perhaps because you'd like to be sure of what interpretation of ...


3

I'm not sure how to "gently turn down digital small-talk and prevent any new attempts at having it," given everything you have already tried. I read through the question, the other answer, and all the comments. It appears that your company is attempting to extend office protocol to the work-at-home situation. But it's not working. People are chatting all day ...


3

Disclaimer: I'm not going to try and say do this or do that and it'll work; unfortunately it's not that simple. I myself have personal issues to say it in kinder terms. I am familiar with personally saying that I'm this or that and I don't need therapy. Critical point to understand The first thing you have to understand is this: if someone does not want ...


2

as soon as I mention "therapy", he says he is fine and shuts me down That is to be expected. "Therapy" is a very strong word, with bad connotations - hospitalisation, medications, etc. Few people would freely and easily admit that they need therapy. Especially when the therapy is mental. From my point of view, therapy is one of the last steps. Until there, ...


2

A close friend of mine recently had a parent die that they hated. Around the time of the funeral I privately wondered whether they would at some stage rethink their hostility towards this parent, and wanted to leave them space to be able to do that. In the end, this was unnecessary because if anything their views and feelings simply hardened during and after ...


2

It's been a few months now since writing this question, but I think during the last two months or so, I solved the problem. Grandma is now calling less and if she does, I manage to handle the phone calls in a way that makes her stop bombarding my parents with phone calls after our call. A few things coincided here that have helped deal with grandma's phone ...


2

I'd like to say that I'm actually much more on the chatty side than you seem to be, and do quite a bit of unscheduled small talk in this new WFH environment. That said, I'd very rarely ping somebody just for that -- I'd shoot them a work related question, and if I get a prompt, wordy answer (or sometimes "d'you wanna short call about this?") I ...


1

I think the situation triggered your relatives and friends imagination, and that they were simply assuming you'd be willing to be part of imagining things also as kind of a shared activity. Some people (I'd include myself) also get ideas about how to behave in the future when they have a clear view of the possible outcomes, that include a degree of what-if ...


1

This can be a really tough situation. I can empathize with both sides of this dispute, as I have much more sensitive than normal hearing and I've had some friends who are hard of hearing. For somebody who has never heard well, people with above average hearing are really difficult to adjust for. There's a huge difference between knowing something ...


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