29 votes
Accepted

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

"I statements" are very useful for addressing conflict in a healthy manner, but in an of themselves often will not resolve the conflict. The purpose of an I statement is to communicate about a ...
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14 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

Non violent communication is nice, but seems to work best if both parties are somewhat competent in it. That is, they are willing to listen to what the other has to say and are able to regulate their ...
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  • 1,956
6 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

Everything I know about NVC comes from the same Wikipedia entry you cited, and really the answer to your question is found there. The article says that "nonviolent communication" as a concept is ...
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5 votes
Accepted

How to complain to co-worker about their behavior using non-violent communication?

There is a huge difference between these: You shouldn't engage with Joe like that; it's just pointless You shouldn't engage with Joe like that; it just escalates and you ramp each other up I've ...
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5 votes

I want to bring up birth control to my girlfriend without causing a fight

In short : don't demand your girlfriend goes on birth control, but have a discussion about it. I waited until I became sexually active to go on birth control. I wasn't comfortable playing with my ...
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  • 5,410
4 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

Using an I statement is the start to a conversation, it isn't a panacea that will resolve any conversational problem. If people are interpreting your statements as judgmental, dismissing your feelings,...
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4 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

What is the next step for this communication strategy when "I feel" statements fail, if any? First, let me suggest to rephrase "fail" - I'd rather evaluate it as not getting the response you desired.....
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3 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

I found NVC most useful when both are actively using it (and therefore understand the phrasing of each other better). From your examples I get the impression that this is not the case for you. If you ...
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3 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

To expand on the other answers to this question, one thing that really works with uncooperative conversation partners is to address the issue that's keeping you from communicating effectively directly....
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3 votes

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

In non-violent communication, what to do when “I feel…” statements fail? This sounds all nice and rosy. There are too many situations where the other party does not care or even enjoys creating ...
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3 votes

How to deal with mild verbal aggressiveness in debates?

Yes, there are communication techniques to tone down verbal aggression in exchanging points of view. These techniques are of necessity mutually respectful because respect is the only thing that humans ...
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  • 1,508
3 votes
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How should I deal with people who don't answer questions?

People would dodge or divert a question for many reasons. It can be that they don't have an answer and they don't want to be perceived as unknowledgeable or they might hold a hidden agenda and wish to ...
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  • 1,069
3 votes

How to 'be heard' when discussing problems within a relationship

Cash the value of the therapy you are already paying or paid for. Even if it wasn't effective. This method doesn't rely or need for anything to have been learned during therapy, but rather simply to ...
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  • 2,838
2 votes

How to 'be heard' when discussing problems within a relationship

Summaries and objectives Keep communications focused and to the point. Look for the point being made in an interaction, in isolation, one at a time, and not lots of points altogether. Summarising ...
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2 votes

I want to bring up birth control to my girlfriend without causing a fight

Let's take a quick look at your situation as I understand it: You previously discussed usage of female contraceptives without angry responses. You're worried that you might get your girlfriend ...
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  • 3,358
1 vote

How to complain to co-worker about their behavior using non-violent communication?

I would definitely not engage in a "should" talk with a coworker. I've seen only failures when it comes to such discussions. It looks, at best, as bossy or patronizing, people get angry, and ...
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1 vote

Is apologizing counter to non-violent communication?

It's a difficult one and I'm glad you asked because I asked myself the same question. You seem to know well what NVC stands against: domination through ideas of right and wrong and demands. But the ...
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1 vote
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Is apologizing counter to non-violent communication?

In Nonviolent Communication, instead of apologizing, there should be "mourning". From Rosenberg’s Forgiving the Past by Focusing on the Present, which focuses on deep-seated pain, (via ...
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1 vote

I keep forgetting the ways other people like to handle things

We usually remember the things we like, and the things we understand. If you do not remember something, then you are either not interested, or you do not understand the benefit. It helps me a lot ...
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1 vote

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

My understanding of NVC is that it's to express yourself authentically and emphatically so as to foster connection and seek solutions through requests. When I see "I felt X to Z" to describe ...
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1 vote

In non-violent communication, what to do when "I feel..." statements fail?

A: I felt scared to tell you [serious, personal thing] B: You think I'm a judgmental person?! You could reply to their question now -- as if what they just asked you was, "Why are you scared (to ...
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