122

Reddit has a lot of threads regarding this question. Generally, the most honest way to do this, according to what I've seen on that particular forum, is to gracefully say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me. Thank you for your time; I'll pay for drinks/dinner (whatever you have), and I hope your next date works out better for you than this one ...


85

It sounds like your wife is having what is often called an emotional affair. Even though it is just talk, the heart is involved. I say this not to escalate the situation, but because it is important you understand the situation in order to address it. I very much admire your stance to "be a better husband". Too many people give up on relationships at the ...


47

You can always say "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Goodbye." At any time. That said though, it would usually be strange to say that so soon. The only reasons generally would be if the person is fundamentally not as they described themselves - physical characteristics, age or whatever - or if some other issue becomes apparent such as discovering ...


29

I'm Catija. I'm female and I met my (male) spouse on one of these dating sites. We met about 11 years ago and this is what made me respond to his message... and what made me not respond to others. First off, when I joined said dating site, it was because I wanted to take the quizzes. Yeah, I know that everyone claims that, but it's actually true. My profile ...


28

First off, the bitter pill to swallow: Don't kid yourself, this is a serious threat to your marriage. What she is doing is an emotional affair at best, a regular and emotional affair at worst. It means a betrayal of your trust and emotional detachment from you. You have to recognize the severity in order to structure your actions here. Your perspective in ...


25

The elephant in the room is her gaming addiction. She is basically spending an entire working day at it, every day, if I understood you correctly. That is massive. Who takes care of the kids? Who takes care of the home? Who takes care of you? I'm not saying that to shift any blame on her, but to open your eyes to a much larger problem. Something very ...


20

As a person who dates, I would find it very rude if someone left after only 1-2 minutes. Most people need at least an hour to have any idea if they are compatible with someone, either in terms of long term partners, casual flings, or just being friends. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, such as your date lying about their marital status. That ...


16

This is based on dating for many years before meeting my wife, both people I met offline and online (although not via Tinder, that came after my dating days). Further I will assume that your date isn't your type, but is otherwise inoffensive. If your date turns out to be impolite, creepy, aggressive, or otherwise not behaving appropriately, you have every ...


14

Are there things I should do during her stay? Plan activities where you have something to do, other than sit around awkwardly staring at each other. Playing games, going for walks, really anything that has an activity. Basically doing things which are sort good date ideas... for the same reason. By focusing attention on the activity you give the ...


11

I hate to say it, but I can relate. My, now ex, partner and I were married for 5 years, separated for a year, tried to make another go of it for 6 months, and are now separated again. Ending a marriage is a messy complicated process, and it sounds like you're at the very earliest stage of that process. If you haven't told your wife of your plan to seek a ...


8

I am afraid that talking about this with her would result in an argument and could potentially cause a rift between us Whilst approaching the topic right now may cause a rift, surely this would only be a short term reaction. However, this would allow you both to voice your side of the story. Delaying to speak to your wife, would most likely cause a rift in ...


7

An entire book could be written on this subject, so I don't know how on target it is for his site (possibly "too broad") and there are thousands of variables/no "one size fits all" approach but: Consider that women will receive somewhere between ten to a hundred times more messages on dating sites for every one message that a man gets as a conversation ...


7

To be honest, unless you are willing to be very rude, there is no way to terminate the date that early. But I'd wager that you are not setting your dates properly to begin with. I'll first give you the tips you are asking for, but please keep reading through the tips I think you actually need. The direct answers: You may tell the person you'll be a "...


6

Firstly, I am sorry for your situation. I know how you feel. I had an attitude for my fiancee a while ago and afterwards, when I was OK, she had it. My thought was exactly the same as yours: I did it first, I deserve it. But... for how long, and how much? My suggestion is to talk to her about this problem, about your relationship and take some decisions in ...


6

Remember that "how to start a conversation" is not always about the message you'll sent her. If a stranger send me an introduction and wish to know about me more, this is what I will do, in order: Glance on the message. First of all, be polite. Joke is great, as long as it is funny. I will not cover much about the message because other answers usually will ...


6

The behaviour you describe appears to be gentle push-back, that is she wants to reduce how often she talks with you but without making a confrontation about it. This could mean she is not that interested in you, or it could mean that she felt a little overwhelmed or controlled by the level of contact. Either way, it's not the sign of someone totally into ...


6

You say this: So I started to hold my wife more, hug and kiss her. Gave her more attention. After a few weeks, she told me I was trying too hard. That I was suffocating her and not giving her enough space. Were all the things that you state in this above quote things you did before you had kids and things were better from your perspective? Because often ...


5

As someone who has been through the same motions, I can say: she might love you, but is not in love with you anymore; the bigger problem is she neither having a full-time occupation, serious hobbies, nor a regular network of offline friends; as for now, she is only bidding some time: this serves a double purpose: finding someone better and not allowing you ...


5

The lesson you must learn from this experience is that you can only control your own actions, not those of other people. You could have controlled yourself differently during the "heated" and "bitter" conversation you had with her. It would seem that your actions during this are what has led to the current situation. You cannot force her to speak to you if ...


5

It sounds like she is very introverted (I'm seeing a lot of myself in her behaviours). Texting is easy, it gives her time to think about what she says and if needed, to read something back, delete it and try again until she is comfortable with it. Talking on the other hand requires her to speak as soon as she thinks to avoid those long, awkward pauses. This ...


4

If you've spent a lot of time talking to each other online, you'll probably have shared jokes or 'memes' which you've used to each other a lot and which make you both laugh. Try using them in real life - it's a shared common ground which will help you feel more comfortable with each other. For example, I have an online friend who helped to introduce me to ...


4

i simply don't know how to approach him if i see him Is that the problem? Just that? Then I'd start with something cheerful/funny to ease up the initial embarassement: Sooo, look who's there [big wide smile, reach for to shake hands or hug]! At last I can finally see you in person! D'ya know what, for some reason I thought you were taller. You don't even ...


4

Having had personal contact/friendships/relationships with people with anxiety and/or depression (usually both), I can assure you that from their perspective social interaction can be very difficult at times, but also something they crave at the same time. Try to approach her as a friend, not an ex-lover This means expressing that you care about her and want ...


4

You say everything was going great between the two of you, but you also say that you had a bitter conversation with your partner and argued on things that are important for her. Could it be that your relationship was not as good as you thought it was? I think if she decided to end the relationship you should wait for her to contact you when she wants to. ...


4

I’ve learned that telling people I disagree about something is always going to carry the chance of upsetting them. It’s just going to be a risk; whether or not it’s worth it is up to you and your considerations. If you do decide to tell them, and feel they’re open enough, they’ll listen to your concerns. They might disagree with it, but trust and bonds are ...


3

I believe the real problem here isn't that your wife has started an emotional affair, but that she continues it after she was caught. This is not only extremely rude, it also shows that she does not value you or your marriage at this point. Maybe her depression not over yet,and it may play a key-role in your relationship problems, the following links show ...


3

Your update on telling her your feelings indeed sounds like a good step. It would still be good to try to get a bit more on the same page before you push further, and even before you invest too much in the weekly call plan. You mention focusing on her point of view, and asking her, but do you know why she's been reluctant? It sounds like she's tried to give ...


3

You disagree with something your friend is going to do and you would like to warn her that she is probably making a bad decision. First, I would recommend to not be so blunt. People don't like when someone else is disagreeing with them, even more when the disagreement is about their life (and does not or has very little impact on the other person). What I ...


2

All relationships needs to progress. In a 'traditional' relationship you would perhaps start out as friends, the occasional date, then more regular dates, spending extended periods of time together... you get the idea. A long-distance relationship needs its own benchmarks. Where do you see the relationship going? If you are still in education then perhaps ...


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