59

"All power lies in self-control." You want to change things about your environment that you are obviously powerless over, you have no control in these situations, and seek to be deceitful as a means to gain your control, which seems to only contradict your faith. My roommate isn't clean, I can't change that, so I focus on self-control, which leads me to ...


43

First of all, not everyone interprets the religion the same way. Some consider it haram, some don't. There's not much you can do here to change others. To your friends who already know your beliefs, you may remind them that you wish they would stop. Other than that, you cannot tell others to stop playing their music. I've travelled in a lot of buses in ...


40

I come from The Netherlands. Let me assure you that joking about relationships/weddings is very common here as well, since (at least in my area) people are usually married by their mid-twenties. Just as you, I get a lot of jokes about my lack of interest in any relationship. Here's what I have done about it: Not responding seriously at all. When a family ...


34

You have every right to be angry right now, but make sure you don't stick with it for too long. Someone insulted your parents, and your parents let him/her get away with it. This puts them at risk of being insulted again by the same person, because the acquaintance now must think he can get away with it. At least, that's how it might feel to you. I myself at ...


21

I smoke like a chimney, and to be honest I'm not always entirely considerate about the rules in my country. I wouldn't smoke on a bus or a plane, but if I'm outdoors... Ya... I should probably work on that... My general assumption when people hassle me about smoking is that they just don't like it. Usually the worst cases are former smokers on crusade. ...


18

As others have noted, it can be hard to get other people to do what you want. However, you could try and avoid or ignore it as well as possible. Sitting in a gathering and someone plays Music on their mobile phone - it gets even worse when they assume me similar to them and often start with "Do you enjoy this song too?", "Have you seen this movie?", bla ...


15

I don't think you can do much beyond what you have already tried. It's one thing if they are playing music at extremely loud levels in public spaces. Then you should be able to ask them to keep it down anyways. If it's music being played in a non-disruptive fashion, this becomes more of a personal issue. As long as playing music in public spaces is not ...


14

It sounds like there's a couple things going on here... Your parents aren't respecting your transition/gender. And they're not respecting your time and space. It may be a bit easier to separate these issues and focus on the time/space problem if they're openly phobic for religious reasons. I know that's a crap position to be in, and really crap to have to ...


11

I'm from Indonesia and this is also common in our culture. Here people marry in their early 20, and after 25 they will start asking you "When you will get married" in various version, whether you are already have girlfriend/boyfriend. The dreaded moment is after a wedding of someone you know, especially if you met your friends, relatives, or ...


10

If you have a spiritual leader you recognize, ask him for advice. It must be a solution foreseen when you just cannot control the environment you are in. Is it haram to sink in the sea of alcohol when there is nothing you can do to escape? I assume, you will be just forgiven.


10

First, you can't dictate whom your father is going to marry. This isn't going to work. Sounds like you already tried all of the "soft pressure" tactics available to you, and your father still wants to remarry his ex wife. That means that you'll probably not convince him not to. Now, with that out of the way, you have some options. You say that he We ...


9

You can't make someone stop smoking. All you can do is ask and apply social pressure to encourage them to change their behavior. Your best bet is to try framing your request as something asked between friendly people. Do you mind putting that out? It's short, polite, and depending on how you say it, casts little judgement upon the character of whoever ...


8

Forgiving is a noble act and sometimes not easy. Since you are from a very different country in a cultural way than I am, this might sound weird to you, but consider this: Verbal insults are nothing more than words. In the end, words are just wind. If someone insults me (or tries to), usually I smile and respond in a way, that shows that I understand the ...


7

I appreciate that there is some religious/cultural aspect involved here, but will try to answer it from pure logic. So can I be angry at them to make them realize their mistake? A: Being angry seldom helps anyone, B: it is unclear whether it is a mistake, C: they are autonomous, souvereign entities the same way you are. So. Let's take this apart: A: ...


7

I think that you're being too indirect. I don't know how well this advice will apply in Pakistan, but I am assuming that it's trans-cultural enough. The standard way to deflect a compliment in the U.S. is to negate it ("No, you're too kind" or something similar). Many people ignore compliments as well, but that doesn't express to the person giving the ...


7

I'm sorry, but I think you're going to have to let this one go. There's been several similar questions on the Workplace exchange, and while none are identical to yours, they all carry the same theme: politics creeping into the workplace. How can I avoid divisive political issues at work? Is it reasonable for me to complain about an objectionable newspaper ...


6

For your purposes I am assuming here that their compliments are not genuine and it is flattery. This was never a problem for me as I likes compliments, but by studying Sociology and then experiencing such behavior I understood its 'inner workings', so as not to be affected/ influenced by insincere compliments. Please remember that if flattery has no selfish ...


6

Sure, you can be angry at your parents, however, please consider the following: You might be confusing forgetting with forgiving (you seem to be using them interchangeably) Just because YOU think YOUR parents are wrong, does NOT mean that they are, indeed wrong Forgiveness is a very difficult concept to learn and apply to life, and can help your parents to ...


6

From your question, it seems that your parents are ready to forgive and forget easily because maybe they believe others might change. Different people have different way of handling things. You might disapprove of their actions, but for them they should handle things in a certain way. Until they themselves feel that their way is bad, they will not change. ...


6

One way to try to fix this is to feel out the co-workers on whether they really want to spend their time getting worked up about politics. 24 hour politics can be exhausting even when everyone (pretty much) agrees. Try to sound people out separately from the work discussion. Don't approach it as "please be quiet I'm trying to work" but rather in some ...


5

It's difficult to answer from a different culture ( UK here). But I've certainly had relatives who behaved in a similar way. That Aunt who would ask everyone about it. Often this approval for this sort of behaviour is deeply socially and culturally ingrained, and whether you like it ( or find it appropriate) its unlikely they will stop. It's also likely ...


4

Another alternative is described in this answer on the Workplace. Its effectiveness depends a bit on how embarrassing the story still is and if you can handle it. If you cannot beat them, join them. Join in. Make jokes about it yourself. Next time someone mentions it, say something like: Oh by the way, anybody need the kettle today? I ...


3

It looks like your parents care about you deeply, and do all the wrong things with their good intentions. (All the things that you feel are wrong, I mean.) It might help them to give you the space you need if you communicate to them not only where you don't want them (with you in Canada), but also where you do want them (on Skype every so often, for example)....


3

I don't understand if your concern about sounding religious is that you don't want people to know you are a Muslim, or you don't want to come across as proselytizing, or you are not sure about the status of music in Islam (where reasonable scholars can disagree over what a Hadith does or does not say, after all). If it is the first, this is a little ...


3

Plan an interview strategy with the whole panel. Your whole team should meet before you start interviewing candidates, and discuss how you want to approach it. This is the perfect venue for expressing your concerns about the difficulty of some of the questions, and the pacing. I'd start by asking if you can schedule a brief meeting to coordinate how ...


3

Whatever you do, make sure your arguments are always from the point of view of the business side of things, that way, it translates to the work environment having a problem instead of the worker (read: you) being the problem: The problem is that loud political discussions are disturbing your work and making you less efficient (and everyone else as well, as ...


2

It's worth noting that in an interview situation the person being interviewed is also using this opportunity to see the people they will be working for. By dealing with the 'issues' you mention in your post you might not be helping the candidate but hiding a potential issue that might effect their choice toward the role. Job interviews are not simply about ...


2

What I normally do, when people ask me this kind of impertinent question, which happens a lot - in Indonesia - and no longer bothers me, now I have this approach, is: make something up When they ask, I just go into a flight of complete fantasy and free-form around their question. Usually this continues for quite some minutes until it dawns on them that I ...


2

You cannot control the actions of others. The majority of people who get together for "old time's sake" (high school and college reunions) do so to remember the good times they had together back then (not, as you might imagine, to network, learn who is doing better/worse/has changed, other). Since that embarrassing story about you is part of someone's "good ...


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