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254

You are asking for something extra I think it is perfectly fine to be vegan. But if there is a bunch of people to be cooked for, demanding a change of meals because of the wishes of one would be requiring something extra. Just because you choose not to eat something, does not mean everyone else is fine going with that and also not having that for family ...


173

My goal is to win these arguments if they occur or to stop them from happening entirely. Everything but losing the argument, basically. How can I do that? You need to modify your definition of "winning" an argument with your father. His goal is to get in an argument. If you can avoid that argument, then you have "won". The best way to do this is to learn ...


151

I think I would meet this head-on. Thinking is tiring and both your parents know this because they do it. Something like: Nothing? When Dad is driving, he is sat in the van, but he's not doing nothing, is he? He's watching the road, for other drivers, pedestrians, eejits coming out in front of him, maybe people asking him stuff over the radio, planning ...


136

I would just straight up tell them how it is: Sorry, but I would prefer that you don't know where I work. I feel like you haven't handled this information very professionally in the past [like showing up at work for no reason or disrupting service]. They might want to have a way to contact you during the day, so propose contact via mobile phone. This ...


121

Originally commented on a different answer, but I want to flesh this out into a full response - Unlike other answers, I don't believe your primary choice is to just accept this as what it is and move on. However, I don't think that a monologue about how she's making you feel is going to make her more likely to accommodate you. If anything, approaching ...


109

There's an aspect of this that you're missing: your father may be repeating those jokes because he thoroughly enjoys them, and because he feels that it's a sort of tradition/bond between the two of you. Perhaps listening to a couple of jokes you've heard before is not really as big a deal as all that, in this context. Second, have you tried simply ...


98

Wow, I know them feels... It usually feels like being caught between a rock and a hard place when people ask questions that you know they can't handle the answers to. The place I've come to with these is a sort of "stand my ground policy", not always easy, or pleasant, but it helps me keep my sanity. It goes something like this: Them: Have you found a ...


88

I absolutely agree with @AK_is_curious that a straightforward approach is best, but I would recommend being even more direct than their answer suggests. I'm not going to give you that information. don't apologise for this, just make the statement. In the past you used those details in a way that was inappropriate and had workplace consequences for ...


78

If your mother is actually saying soulmate out loud with her mouth, and not man, how about taking her at face value? You can go several ways with it. You could argue that you don't need a partner to be safe, that you keep yourself safe, that her belief a partner is what you need is old fashioned and stupid, or you can grin and say I keep holding auditions,...


72

You seem to be an apple that didn't fall far from the tree. When there are two people in an argument who prefer "anything but losing the argument" this is what is going to happen. People are going to yell, get their phones, prove facts, say those don't matter, say you must have remembered wrong, and generally get upset. I know it's upsetting to have things ...


70

Even though I am located in Germany, this could also be applicable in other locations. Make it a get together, maybe a BBQ or something like that. You invite the parents and their kids. Now you have the opportunity to get to know the parents more so they might trust you in the future. During the time you get to know the parents you might suggest a "play-...


66

How do we properly inform her parents that she 1) will not be leaving with them, 2) will not be attending college in her home country, and 3) will be moving in with me when they leave?* You do not. You're dealing with abusive people with full power over her. Do not do this until you are absolutely sure they cannot force her to do anything she doesn't want, ...


64

Calmly inform Consider Unfortunately, your child and I are not making as much progress as I hoped. As such, I no longer find it constructive to continue the tutoring sessions. If you like, I can continue through [explicit date]. Or stop sooner if you prefer. If you would like to find another tutor, consider [resource for finding tutors]. This ...


62

If you want to talk to your mother about the issues you're facing right now, I would not advise you to use the word anorexia. Please be assured: I am not questioning your diagnosis in any way. I recommend not to use the word "anorexia" because it comes with a lot of stigma and misconceptions and she might picture your situation in a biased way. A few years ...


61

I wonder if you and I have the same mother and are sister/brother, but never mind... :) For decades, my Mom has been exactly the same. Same words, same ideas, same problems, same questions, as the ones you just mentioned to us. And I've tried, just like you. Almost everything, until I reached the point of "nothing else to say". Mom's always right :) From "...


61

First of all, you have raised a legitimate concern about the size of your car. You have luggage to take, so one possibility is to make this your excuse. It is after all truthful. You or your girlfriend could say: Sorry, we don't think that we will be able to fit you into our small car with all our luggage too. Even if we squeezed in we think it would be ...


60

If you have evaluated that keeping the ball is going to be of more value to you than the feeling of having performed a selfless action, don't be afraid to simply say: "No, sorry, but this item is of deep personal value to me." While others may not look upon your actions in the best light (because they aren't able to see those same values you have), you ...


57

I think you should disclose that information to the dad as you inform him that your son will come to neither the play-dates nor birthday party. Given that the father states that his son doesn't use his wrestling training at school and him inviting your son, I assume that he is genuinely not knowing what happens, especially since the school seems unlikely to ...


57

My point of view is a mix of one time rebellious youth and then a parent's point of view.... Your parents will always be your parents, and parenting doesn't end when you come of age. To some degree they're likely to always want what's best for you and sometimes push you toward what they think is "best." If you're in your twenties and still live at home, ...


50

My best friend had something similar happen to her. Her mother wanted her to be the best. She pushed her to always study, get the best grades, get into the best university, graduate with honours, get a master degree etc. She pushed me too, but I was not her kid, so she did not have the same amount of influence on me. We are now 25. She has a master degree in ...


48

I am only 21, and my culture is Australian but I think dealing with parents who are very reluctant to accept your personal growth is a fairly universal issue that anyone can have and I do have a lot of experience in dealing with that. For me, by far the best way to communicate to my parents that "I have thought about something in depth, and that they should ...


48

A very powerful way to get your mother to support your choice, or at least to stop arguing with it, is to stop explaining or defending it. She has heard your reasons many times, I am sure. She has rebutted them. She has presented her reasons. What you probably don't realize is that when you tell her a reason, you are giving her something to argue with. "I ...


42

Well, I'm a 26-year-old, and I'm also still living with my parents. These struggles are there, but they can be resolved. I moved back in after living on my own for 4 years, because after graduating university I had a parttime job lined up in my home-town, and no work in the city I studied at. The first weeks were hell. I had to completely readjust to ...


42

You're being asked for a favor. 'Sorry, but I'd rather not' is a complete sentence and a valid answer to a request for a favor. You're generally under no obligation to justify yourself. Having said that, when it concerns the immediate family of your significant other, you'll probably want to provide some justification. No matter what, you always want to ...


41

You are in a challenging spot that pretty much every adult can identify with - you feel like an adult, you want to have adult responsibilities and the ability to make adult decisions, yet you're still legally a child and feel like your parents have too much control over you. You really have 2 options here. Option 1 is to let the narrative happen. Option 2,...


40

Wow, this is a difficult question, and I hate to say "There's nothing you can do," but that's about what it will boil down to. I can say, sit down and have a rational discussion about everything that's going on, but anxieties of that kind are difficult to have a rational discussion about, because they aren't rational. Given these circumstances, what can ...


40

You're not alone in this. Unfortunately, people who don't work in technology will never fully understand what you do and conflicts like this will happen. I had major issues which parents-in-law coming to stay while I was working from home. I quite literally could not hear the person on the other end of the phone for all the noise they made, then they had a ...


39

I don't think your parents are treating you like a child, but as a resident in their house. My wife likes to know where I am going and if I am home for dinner as well, but she sure ain't my mom ;). In my experience, it helps to ask your parents about what the rules are and perhaps negotiate on them. Also, tell them it is important to you that you're feeling ...


36

You can definitely say something in the situation you described. You are not correcting the child's behavior, you are just voicing the inconvenience caused by someone to you. If you see a child throwing rocks at pigeons or swearing/cursing other children, then probably not. Even though it is a bigger problem, it is a problem that does not concern you. It ...


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