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15

To answer question in the title: You can't. You can't make people feel how you would like. They choose how to react. Post-edit answer: You can't. You might not be able to convince them and they might not accept it. This is answer based on personal experience. Link to few book I've read on the topic and used at the end of the answer. To convince someone the ...


10

You question the stability of your relationship. After reading your story, I share your concern. I suggest that instead of talking to him about reasons for not having a baby, you talk to him about a divorce or whatever legal separation is required for the setup you currently have. Here are a few things that indicate your relationship is not a healthy one: ...


10

When your boyfriend says we would likely break up in a few years if we did not have a baby he's saying that you need to have a baby to preserve your relationship. That is a really, really, really bad reason for bringing another human being into the world. It's generally accepted that having a child is not going to preserve a relationship. For a quick ...


10

Stop explaining, start saying If you want to end a discussion, that someone else wants to continue, you have to end it. There is a big difference between saying This doesn't work, because ... and This doesn't work. Everytime you present something after the because it is an argument, and something that can be attacked. You are presenting a conclusion, and ...


9

Stop trying to negate what the other person says. If your ultimate goal is to avoid an argument, disagreeing with someone belligerent is not going to work. When their opinion is "attacked", their goal is to defend themselves. To give more information, or, if they don't have any, to repeat themselves with different words so that maybe you'll ...


7

First question: You can't. Your mother, as you write "she globally thinks that all men are trash". That might be due to your father behaviour, that might be due to her experience after the divorce. Your partner could be an anecdotal evidence against her claim. But because he is divorcing his wife he can't. To already exsting claims aganst men he ...


6

You've identified the problem: cultural differences. So this isn't an issue of who's right and who's wrong, who's be reasonable and who's being unreasonable. Both of you are right and being reasonable according to the culture you were brought up in. So the two of you will need to negotiate a compromise; an arrangement you both can live with, even if neither ...


5

My dear Kat, I read through your entire story and I am sorry to say that in my experience there are times when children's values contrast so sharply and so severely with their parents' values that the differences cannot be bridged. I have been there myself, though with different issues. My parents are now deceased and I do not regret having taken a stand for ...


5

I'll be honest it doesn't sound like you want a baby or at the very least a baby with him, at all. My OH is very similar, plays video games all day (easily 6-10 hours if he's not working.) Plays on his phone obnoxiously loud and generally tends to be quiet and quite distant emotionally. I always frequently joke that he looses concentration so much that if ...


4

The best way to end an argument is to just stop arguing. If you keep disagreeing with them, you are keeping the argument going. Instead I would recommend just giving some half-hearted agreement or at least conceding that they make a reasonable argument. There are many ways to do this, such as by saying: Okay. Maybe. I guess. Fair enough. I'm not sure. I don'...


4

This is going to sound off, but it's true: the only way to get your mother not to just use "because I said so" and "as long as you live in my house" is for some of her other techniques to work some times. For you to go along with what she wants just because "that sounds reasonable" or "that makes sense" or "that's ...


4

I'll preface saying that I don't know the specifics of your culture. You are 19 year old, this means you are an adult. By policing your facebook activity your mother is treating you like a child. Note, not like her child, that may always be the case, but as a child and not an adult. What I suggest is having a talk with her on two points Having her ...


4

I don't think you can tell your father "please stop spamming me" without hurting his feelings. However, it's probably possible to not hurt those feelings too much if you tell him something like this: Hey Dad, you know, I'm not really interested in all that religious stuff you are sending me, so I don't read them. But I liked this other article ...


3

I have a mother who lived with me for a period of time when I was an adult. It was difficult. She drove me nuts. I feel your pain, for sure. One suggestion I have would be to try explaining that when you are in your room, you may be working, and it would be great if she could "pretend" it was a work day - for example. Mom, during the hours of XX ...


3

In my experience it's best to confront people with their own words and make them realize how hurtful they are. Only then can your effectively correct their misconception that lead to those words. In my case both of my parents seem to agree with xenophobic right-wing slogans without even realizing how xenophobic and degrading they are. In these situations I ...


3

I have to disagree with the accepted answer. Depending on the age and health of your parents, they may be completely reasonable in their fear of contracting this virus from you, and saying you understand and accept that risk isn't likely to appease them. Of course, probably everyone who works in the healthcare industry interacts with people who don't want to ...


3

I worked in healthcare settings for around 9 years. Unfortunately, getting exposed to disease is an occupational hazard in that environment. A lot of this answer depends on your parents' fears and their reaction to them. Either they aren't reasonable WRT their fears, or they are. I'll try to answer both perspectives. If they aren't reasonable, there's ...


3

I had an ex which was very close to his parents and especially to his mother. He moved from them to go in with me and we were seeing them once every two weeks or so. I have myself a very distant, somewhat cold relationship with mine. I clearly never had nor want the relationship they had with my own family. From the very first day we met, he and his mother ...


3

Nonviolent Communication would argue what you identify as what you want to communicate (the fact you believe he's not ready) is a judgement. Communicating negative judgements is risking negative reception and even more so when the way to make it positive again (how to be ready to have a baby) is unclear. I have all sorts of negative experiences regarding ...


3

@KNP, as you said your father has retired. So, by reading and sending whatsapp messages, he is trying to engage himself. I would suggest not curbing his enthusiasm. Let him be busy with this. Staying idle is much worse. I face a similar situation with my cousin and a friend. My cousin spams the family group. I have muted the group. I don't ask her to send ...


3

My mother has a tendency to blurt out similar things as Bob. Often, these are in the form of 'well-meant advice'. Do note my mother isn't generally drunk when she does this, nor does she have a history of alcoholism that may impair her cognitive functions. To prevent arguments from happening, I've often resorted to an appeal to authority. Instead of saying '...


2

Is Bob, or has he ever been, a salesman? How good are you at saying no to a salesperson? This is a specific sales technique. Until a potential client says a definite No, you treat them as though they are saying Yes and just need a little persuading. Notice right at the the beginning. What did you do to give Bob an opening? (click for answer) Here is my ...


2

I've dealt with grief and taught a good grief class, so perhaps I can help. You're new to this. Many people who are new to this share a common fear: "What if I do something wrong?" Let me start by saying: if you make an honest attempt and don't try to do anything really bizarre, the odds of you doing something wrong are pretty slim. If you both ...


2

I remember being in my 15s and being in a similar situation about poisoned relationship with my mother. Back then, I lacked the communication tools I now have to handle these problematic situations. First, the desk incident. You plan for things that would require her approval. She refuses, and she refuses giving reasons. The primary reason things escalate ...


2

This is a very difficult situation. I live in a Western European country, and some of my suggestions might not fit into your culture, but I will try: First of all, you, your brother and your parents have to stick together and to follow the same strategy. You write that you told your mother about what overheard at night, but did you also tell your father? I ...


2

You don't say much about how you decline, yet this is key. Compare: We are all having a [event] dinner this weekend, you'll be there of course won't you? See you at 3! No, I won't be there, I'm busy. to Your sister is coming over this weekend. I think we'll have a bar be que. Are you joining us? I wish I could! Unfortunately I have 120 exam papers to ...


2

I'm sorry your mom doesn't accept your boundaries. I have similar issues with my parents. My brother handles this really well. He says no and never gives in. He accepts right away if they propose something or says no, stays with that and maybe gives another option. I'm trying to learn from this. So the strategy would be to say, 'No, I don't want you to visit ...


2

So, this is a messy situation in part because of your mother's relationship (direct/indirect) with your phobia. I'm also neither a psychologist nor in India, so I am not able to address those aspects of it in an impartial way. It's a lot to unpack, and you should do that with a professional. However, here are some general tips I have for getting personal ...


2

I suspect the problem is not as bad as you think. As long as Bob is not making truly ridiculous statements such as "The earth is flat.", it seems from your example that he is just insufficinetly informed about the facts (that you know) and hence comes off as making false statements. Many people do not really know what "research" means, ...


1

The transition of being the parent-of-a-child to being a parent-of-an-adult is tough. Some parents do not make that transition at all, some partially, and some fully. One way to address the issue is to start with a conversation. Evaluate which parts of your life your mother considers OK (you are being responsible), which parts need improvement (you need help)...


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