Hot answers tagged

151

My suggestion would be to organize your own stag party, this way you get to control what happens and (more importantly) avoid whatever it is you don't want to do or don't agree with about stag parties. A quiet meal might satisfy your friends with a little "send-off" whilst doing what you want to do. I've seen a groomsman or two do this before, seemed to ...


83

You decide on a stag party: pick something that can't be corrupted. I was very happy to have a stag party when I got married. However, like you, I wanted to avoid the traditional "masculine" themes of football, strippers and low-level ritual abuse of the groom. I trusted most of my friends to agree with this, but not all of them. So instead I decided to so ...


66

Just some hints. Chat with an old-timer to get stories of past events. This should give you a rough idea what to expect. Volunteer to help with organising, especially during the event. This will give you an inside perspective and hopefully a role to fill during. Back-up plan is to appoint yourself event photographer; carrying a semi-serious camera should do ...


54

Have your friends bring only modest cards to wish you well. I have a friend (USA) who threw her own birthday party, and invited all her friends. She too said "no gifts", but she mentioned that she treasures cards that show people's feelings and has their names on them. She indeed treasured them and displayed them for quite some time. She received no gifts. ...


54

You say that what united us was probably our common aversion to things such as loud music and "traditional party culture". So she probably knows that you don't like taking part in loud and large parties. You can remind her why your group formed in the first place with no fear of friction. Make clear that it's not about her, but about loudness, ...


38

Giving money is hard for some people, 10 bucks can look like a lot less than a box full of towels from the dollar store that maybe cost you 5 bucks. Bringing nothing is even harder for some people. They realise you are providing them with food and entertainment and they want to repay you. I think you can totally encourage supporting charities and pleasing ...


36

Ask for consumables, e.g., food. Food will only clutter up your life until it is eaten. You note that your calendar is pretty full, so experiences don't help. However, I assume that even with a full calendar, you will still find the time for eating. And getting some interesting ethnic foodstuffs or bottles of wine you don't know yet might in fact be an ...


36

There is no polite way to say this as it is an incredibly rude gesture. The underlying problem seems to be that you do not trust your friend's judgement in women. You could go with the honest approach though: Hey ___, I know you like your girlfriend, but I do not and I have no interest in getting to know her better. The party is for ____ and we feel that ...


34

You should ask where you went wrong at the same time when they tell you this. I'd suggest not to ask it in front of all. You can say like, Oh, thanks for letting me know. I didn't realize. Can you please tell me where I went wrong? What should I have done instead of this? You can skip the latter once you're aware of what to do or you have a better idea. ...


26

If possible, something should be done while it is happening. Move. If you are sitting, ask him to get a you drink (or some other request that will allow you both to move). Then, while he gets up and leaves, simply excuse yourself. Once you are both in motion, make sure to end in a different spot. This of course only will work if there's no assigned seating. ...


25

In most cases like this I would go to the event and be up front in greeting It's great to see you! I'm very sorry but I'm only going to be able to stay around 30 minutes. My parents are expecting me for a similar celebration. However, I wanted to come and see you and spend as much time as I could because I have not seen you in a while So I'd be doing my ...


25

To answer your question: no, the 'ladies first' rule isn't inherently rude. However, the response to your gesture of "ladies first" will vary. Some may take it as patronizing, as if you're insisting they're incapable of opening the door themselves. Some women may take it as a flirtatious gesture, which is a situation you may want to avoid if you're coworkers ...


24

there's not enough to make it worth actually setting up a party, so I typically cancel in the hope I can have better luck on another weekend. Don't cancel - even with just a few people it can turn into a fun, sociable night - it will get talked about, and might help generate more interest the next time around. By cancelling each event at the last minute, ...


23

Ideally you want to have conversations about this subject before it happens. Realistically, unless you want an awkward situation in the moment, you need to clarify expectations in advance. Talk with your partner, it doesn't have to be a long conversation, but make sure you both know how the other feels about this. It's entirely possible your partner didn't ...


21

I've been the spouse in this situation. My husband and I recently attended the wedding of one of his best friends growing up. I only had ever met the friend and his wife before (at our own wedding) and everyone else was unknown to me. This is maybe a bit more extreme than a regular meeting of friends but it's a starting place. What I found in that ...


18

Apart from the aforementioned discussion with your partner, a very simple, subtle, non-confrontational approach is to ask for an introduction. Something along the lines of: "Hey, honey¹ why don't you introduce me to your friend²?" Honey may be replaced with whatever term of endearment you normally use. Friend may be replaced with whatever context ...


17

If you know that it's customary you can just say that you're aware of that. I know you all usually throw surprise parties for people who are on their way out... Please don't throw one for me. I don't like surprises. Another option, if you don't mind getting together with your co-workers, would be to circumvent their planning with your own. You know ...


15

There are good answers here already about how to directly either get out of that situation or address the issue with your partner, but I'm going to take a different approach and suggest a shift in your own thinking. If your partner is trustworthy and faithful to you, then another woman hitting on him is not a threat to you or your relationship, and is ...


15

Try viewing the situation in a broader context. It's not really just about this birthday party, after all. If your friend is in a long-term relationship, this is going to come up every time your group wants to go to a movie or have a party or have dinner out or whatever. I have a friend I've known for 30 years. A few years into our friendship he started ...


15

Depending on what type of personality you are, the following may work for you, it certainly does work for me. I prefer to be honest. I participate in parties of this kind, but I make it clear to people around that I decided not to drink (no excuses). I usually leave when people start to be drunk to the extent that they do not realize it, but they behave ...


15

Right after publicly stating that you are going to get married, gather your own close friends (and/or whoever you think might arrange the (possibly surprise-) bachelor party for you) for a pizza or anyway a dinner out. While inviting them, tell them the dinner/pizza is being called because you need to talk to them. This, alone, is already enough to catch ...


14

There's no polite way of "hinting" anything. You're going to have to deal with the problem head on, and hope for the best. Just tell your friend the truth: "We all like you, but none of us likes your girlfriend," and that he'd be much more welcome at the party than her. This "puts the ball back in his court," and can also lead to a "separation" of the ...


12

I have feelings for her This is obvious from your post. Does she know? A few days ago my flatmate [22, F] and me [26, M] went to a party. She was asking me which of two guys she should hook up with. It was more jokingly, at least I thought and she also told me it's just a joke. Several possibilities: Hypothesis Buddies: She is not interested in you ...


11

The first time I did a networking event, I did not know what to do. So I just stood somewhere alone in an empty space. That of course, was not the right approach. Luckily, this was an event where there were professional coaches present. Let me explain that: I was trying to get into a special schooling program. The program's goal was to re-school people ...


11

For most occasions the best policy to have when two people in your friend group have dated is that they will both still be invited but it is up to them to sort out if they have issues seeing each other, not the group. The group shouldn't be responsible for their intimate drama, and that's an expectation of about any friend group in normal circumstances. ...


11

Given my own experiences with exactly this, there's really not a perfect solution that will get people to let it go. The culture for our age groups in this country is such that we're all expected to want to get wasted whenever we can. I'm 25 and have never enjoyed alcohol. Sure, I can do a wine cooler once in a while, but no one around here considers that ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible