Episode #125 of the Stack Overflow podcast is here. We talk Tilde Club and mechanical keyboards. Listen now
145

My religion prohibits me from being profane, how can I tell my friends to stop swearing so that I am not influenced by their actions? You don't. You can't expect other people to follow your religion. If you phrase your request like that, it will likely feel to them like you're asking them to adhere to the rules of your religion. What you can do, is ask ...


130

But, he'll still share and talk quite hateful things towards them. I know deep down it isn't because he genuinely has a hatred for Muslims, it's because he's believing the lies that he's reading. This is no different from saying that ISIS members don't have a "genuine hatred" for the West, they just believe the lies they hear from other extremists. NO ...


111

I am an atheist, I know many atheists and people of other religions personally and have witnessed many "discussions" turn into full on yelling matches, which is why I refuse to participate unless I am talking with a close friend. That is, I will not bring up the subject. However, if anyone else mentions it, I make a point of saying something. Rhetorical ...


74

I wanted to bring her out of this situation, so being not only a friend but as an inter-faith discussion as well, I suggested her to revise her decision to marry a Muslim as it's not going to work but she did mind that "I am interfering in her personal life" - while I had no intention whatsoever to interfere in her personal life but just to give her advice ...


59

"All power lies in self-control." You want to change things about your environment that you are obviously powerless over, you have no control in these situations, and seek to be deceitful as a means to gain your control, which seems to only contradict your faith. My roommate isn't clean, I can't change that, so I focus on self-control, which leads me to ...


59

You're mixing a health argument with an "I don't like it" argument. The latter is unwinnable right now, and by combining them you invite your parents to think "oh, he doesn't want to and we've had that argument before, so now he's just making up health excuses". The first thing you need to do is to decouple them. The second thing you need to do, assuming ...


57

If there are few members of your minority where you live, and you want to connect with others, then isn't it likely that others would want to connect with you too? Asking people if they are risks crossing boundaries especially at work, and might cause you to miss people who don't "look the part". Instead of looking, try being findable. Perhaps there is ...


56

I suggest you take an approach that is apologetic, but firm. For example, you could say: I apologize for offending you with my comments about religion, and I will not make such comments unprompted. However, when we are having discussions about religion, I have the same right as you to contribute to the discussion. I respect your beliefs surrounding ...


49

I think you have the right to be more forward about it. The dialogue you had could have gone a different way: Them: Come again? Me: Fred. Them: (puzzled face)... Me: Fred. Them: Were you baptized as Fred? Me (Thinking they wanted to understand my name's origin): That was Frederick, but I prefer when people call me Fred. Or: ...


44

A few questions: Do these people know you are not a religious person? Have you ever told them how you feel about this whole ordeal? How far have you gone so far? Did you do the whole 9 yards? (hold hands, shut eyes, say Amen). This is a very annoying situation to be in. I am an Indian and a Hindu. I am not a religious person, but if someone asked me what ...


42

First of all, not everyone interprets the religion the same way. Some consider it haram, some don't. There's not much you can do here to change others. To your friends who already know your beliefs, you may remind them that you wish they would stop. Other than that, you cannot tell others to stop playing their music. I've travelled in a lot of buses in ...


42

It's good that you're being careful and sensitive about this. As a Christian myself I can say that there is no easy way to go about the topic. If a family member told me that they didn't believe in God anymore, I would be devastated. No matter how you go about it, it will be a huge shock and your mother will need time to process and come to terms with it. ...


40

My religion prohibits me from being profane, how can I tell my friends to stop swearing so that I am not influenced by their actions? Taking your personal beliefs and imposing it on your friends who do not share your beliefs is not likely to work out well in middle school, or life in general. They do not follow your religion and cannot be expected to ...


40

I think this could be dealt with by simply reiterating the name you chose to go by, via subtly - but firmly - correcting them every time they mention your full name, without necessarily sounding rude. I see it as if it was similar to a situation where someone forgot your name, or have a hard time pronouncing it, or like people who formally call you by your ...


38

Asking questions, as you've done, is generally a good way to get someone to think about something without being particularly confrontational. If I were you, I'd keep the questions coming: Shouldn't you come to a decision on this before getting married? What will you do if, after you're married, you realise you'll never come to an agreement on these ...


38

Religion does not need to be a part of this, and neither does the fact that you dislike him. Tattoos are (for all intents and purposes) permanent and any mistake will be there forever, so it should be best left to someone who knows what they're doing. I found a whole blog post that covers the things people need to know before getting lettering tattoos. ...


37

Don't mention the religion Only let your friends know that you personally find their constant swearing disturbing. If they care, they will control it. To strangers, don't mention anything. Let them be. My experience Some close friends back in college hostel used to swear too much. It was considered normal back in their hometown. Swear words were like ...


35

Your question is really the wrong question to ask. Your question shouldn't be "How do I tell my parents I don't want to go to church", your question should be "How do I tell my parents I'm not going to church". It helps very much to have the right attitude, and your attitude must be "I'm not going to church". Their arguments: "It's tradition!" Tradition ...


34

I would just chat with her, letting her know you missed her, but without directly asking why she wasn't there. For example, Hey Alice, I missed you at the holiday party! Did you get to see Bob's winning ugly Christmas sweater? It was hilarious! This lets her know you notice her in a positive way, and gives her an opening to explain if she chooses. ...


33

TLDR: the reasonable and responsible thing to do is to see if what he means really is indiscriminate hatred towards all Muslims, or whether what he genuinely is concerned about are the numerous negative effects of a growing Muslim (and increasingly Islamist) population in Britain. Responsible and charitable interpersonal behavior requires us to take each ...


31

Traditions have a way of almost becoming law in families. Take, for instance, your visiting them over the holidays (which I infer from your comments above). Why? What do you get out of it? I struggled with that particular tradition as well. I don't think that this issue has as much to do with your parents' religion as much as control. Obviously you go ...


31

With respect, I don't think you can have your cake and eat it too in this situation. If you really aren't going to do this tattoo I suspect you're going to have confrontation on some level. My younger brother was like this for a time and it was nigh impossible to avoid a dispute if you weren't giving him his way. As such I and others can offer ways to ...


30

Both a preacher's kid and seminarian here. A lot of this depends on the denomination in question. Catholics and some Lutherans practice what is called "closed communion" where only those practicing that specific faith are allowed to participate. Others practice what is called "open communion" where anyone is allowed to participate. There isn't really an ...


29

If this is a religion-affiliated group project, then they most likely have strongly held beliefs, just as you do. I'm sure one of them is to not lie. Lies are so damaging. My suggestion is that you just tell the truth. If they are honest about their religion, they should respect that. I would say something like, I really enjoy working with you, and I ...


29

Background Religious beliefs about this sort of thing are often deeply rooted in shame. I was raised in such a strain of religion and have dealt with very similar issues, feeling like it was taboo to talk about such things. If you search "purity culture" you can get an idea of some things they taught girls. For instance: doing anything physical is a ...


27

There are two aspects to this, and you need to see that. The first part of religion is faith. Understand that making you lie or pretend on this is a form of oppression. In many parts of the world you can be killed for stating that you are an atheist, in more civilized parts you might be shunned, or something inbetween, but the base principle is the same and ...


26

Disclaimer, I'm coming from a US perspective. I'm also agnostic with religious parents, although mine sound a lot more religious than yours and I don't live with them (I also have about 10 years on you ;)) So, I believe the purpose of religion is to make sense of the world. Scary and confusing things happen out there, and beliefs help us understand it. ...


26

Very sorry you are going through this. You are way beyond the age where it is anywhere near OK for your parents to control the way you spend your holidays, to force their religious values onto you, and to resort to rage tactics and fear/obligation/guilt tactics to maintain that control. So to answer the question, you tell them you don't want to go to ...


24

I living in rapidly changing society in terms of religious observance and practice, namely Ireland. I previously lived in London and Dublin, and have recently returned to (very) rural Ireland, a place where religion is still very important on a day to day level. I am very lapsed in any degree of observance, only attending on occasions of funerals, etc, where ...


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