181

That might not be the best solution, but how about I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well, can I please sit down? Anyone, no matter how young and fit, might not be feeling well on a particular day, with no visible signs. So you wouldn't need to go into any lengthy explanations. And people are usually nice and helpful when you ask nicely. This is what I usually ...


179

I'm probably going to Hell for this, but what we might need here is a little white lie. I have an arthritic knee and sometimes this means I end up using a fold up walking stick (available in many pharmacies and in charity shops sometimes). It does mean if I need to shift someone from the notionally reserved special seating on buses I've got visible ...


106

In my dating experience, I've found that prying too much about a topic I take an opposing stance on has been problematic. For example, I met someone who was "420 friendly", so to speak, and began asking them questions to determine how prominent that was in their life. When I ultimately told them I wasn't as big of a fan of it, it ended up coming off ...


88

Postpone. Schedule the celebration before your friends do, to a date when you'll have money, preferably payday to keep the celebration's purpose, meaning and excitement. Let's go celebrate on my first payday, it will be awesome! As a friend, I would respect that and I think your friends will respect that too, a nice additional gesture to reinforce the ...


76

It sounds like your boss is a little nosier than many, but you don't need to reveal details. I've used the following framing when I've needed to request days off but didn't want to say way (for example, because I had an interview scheduled with another employer): I need to be able to take off $date for an important commitment that can't be rescheduled. ...


74

In my experience, offering to help them with the problem is the best way to start. “What’s your plan for moving? Do you need help?” This opens the door for you to be able to then offer to take the furniture off their hands to be helpful. I have moved a lot and it’s a pain, even when it’s not in bad circumstances. Your friend might be relieved to have a ...


70

I once worked at an IT-Service hotline. I answered a call like I always do and after my standard greetings phrase the customer said nothing so I asked, "Hello? Are you still in the line?" The customer replied, "Oh, wow! You are a real human! I thought it was a band announcement!" Later he explained that my voice was so perfect that he thought it was a ...


67

My roommate does almost the same thing. Like everyone, he talks to himself, but at times in a very elaborate manner. He makes gestures, sometimes voice goes up, and sometimes giggles too. It was weird at first, because I never saw someone do that. But as time clarified, he grew up like that. When I am doing something important and he might start mumbling, I ...


64

Sometimes there's no way to be tactful about something. I think this is such a case. You'd like the male nurse to be more mindful of the state they leave the bathroom in after they've used it. You're only going to achieve this goal if the male nurse becomes aware of their behaviour. Subtle hints may allow you to avoid a confrontation here, but in the end it ...


62

From a communication point of view, your main problem is excusing yourself and giving an challenge-able explanation, while at the same time acknowledging that other solutions exist. As a person with High-functioning autism, I noticed a lot of(if not all) people have some type of behaviour that's similar or identical Your cinema example is a good way to ...


59

Speaking as a former competitive cyclist and triathlete- Just ask. Once or twice is not going to be a big deal, and unless your friend is sick or has some kind of germ fears, he is probably just going to say "sure, no problem." As far as the work to carry it, the weight is negligible in the overall scheme of bike+rider. If it keeps happening over and over, ...


58

In London, UK, we have "Please Offer Me A Seat" badges and cards: https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat Once you have one of these badges, the duty of a true English citizen is to stand in the middle of the tube, flaunting the badge and avoiding making any eye contact with anyone. If someone has not offered you a seat within a few seconds, the ...


52

The best strategy I can think of is to ask "can you repeat that?" If the repeated statement is exactly the same (volume, word choice, inflection, etc.) as the first statement, you may have caught the AI. I'm sure with some thinking you (and others) can come up with more little tricks like that.


50

I think you can give exactly the information you gave in the question, to anyone who is seated: Excuse me, I have a disability/health issue/problem that makes it difficult/unsafe/unhealthy for me to stand for long periods of the time. Would you mind if I sat down? If they inquire into the nature of the disability, you can simply but firmly say I'd ...


48

I've been in polyamorous relationships for some time now, so I speak from a bit of experience here. The first question to ask yourself before you even decide if this is a path you can take: You mention that your girlfriend believes that sexual relationships and emotional relationships can be distinct. Are you confident that you're wired this way, too? The ...


46

I don't see how this is something one can be offended about. As such I think you are seriously overthinking this. Just ask him, "Hey, can I have some of your water", or "Hey, I only have room for one bottle on my bike, would you mind putting one on yours?" If you are friends, you are in this together, so working together and helping eachother shouldn´t be ...


46

Well, I'm a 26-year-old, and I'm also still living with my parents. These struggles are there, but they can be resolved. I moved back in after living on my own for 4 years, because after graduating university I had a parttime job lined up in my home-town, and no work in the city I studied at. The first weeks were hell. I had to completely readjust to ...


42

I don't think your parents are treating you like a child, but as a resident in their house. My wife likes to know where I am going and if I am home for dinner as well, but she sure ain't my mom ;). In my experience, it helps to ask your parents about what the rules are and perhaps negotiate on them. Also, tell them it is important to you that you're feeling ...


40

I can empathize with this question, so please don't let the answer lead you to believe I'm insensitive to your plight. For some uninvestigated reason, I cannot tune people out (I have never been able to. I remember complaining of "noise pollution" when I was very young.) TV, music, etc., yes. But there is something hardwired in me that makes it impossible ...


38

It seems OP does not have genuine concern for the wellbeing of the deported. That's alright, we don't have to be close friends of everyone. But let's not try to act like we are close friends just to inherit the furniture, as some answers here suggest. That's underhanded, deceptive and once the target person recognizes this, they will certainly be very ...


37

I can't address coming out, but as a woman in what was a vastly male (and misogynist) dominated field, I can empathize. When I went into premature labor (by months, mind you) during a shift in the Emergency Room, I called my boss to tell him I had to leave, and he told me to not only finish my shift, but to find my own coverage for the shifts I'd miss. He ...


35

I'm not really sure you can ask someone to type quieter without ruining their workflow or causing animosity between you two. As a developer, I'd be annoyed if someone asked me to type quieter in a room with other computers, I'd not only have to be conscious of the fact that I may be too loud every now and then if I was attempting to type quietly, but it ...


34

Please note that I am not autistic. My experience is tertiary from my brother who was diagnosed with Asperger's, now High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, and how we handled sensory issues and other people for him. Your requests seem very valid and well worded, but the issue is the other person's protestations to your requests. The other party seems to ...


29

It is perfectly reasonable to say no, and give them a legitimate reason for your actions. In the loud music example, think of the reasons why you might feel justified in asking them to turn it down. Is it at a time of the day where it is violating municipal noise control bylaws? Are other neighbors bothered by it too? Is the music profane? In any of these ...


25

I'm going to expand on a brief comment that was later removed, and say you should find a way to filter this out, because there is no good way to broach this, especially with strangers in public. There is a very strong possibility, if you do choose to approach someone about something like this, that they will decline to change their behavior, and/or will ...


25

Be honest. Simply tell them that you can't afford to do so. If they are your friends then they will understand. They might offer to treat you or to postpone, or you might arrive at some other solution like offering to pay them back. However the situation ends up being resolved, it's important that you tell them since it may have an impact on other ...


23

I had something of a similar situation - I had a coworker who cleared his throat every 30 seconds or so. I once made a joke about it to him ("Hey you keep it down over there!" in a joking way) and he didn't get it because he didn't know he was doing it. So I bought headphones. I can't correct someone else's behaviour but I can control what I hear. My ...


22

In a word: Don't. Don't date them. No matter what anecdotes you may hear about people accommodating nonsmoking partners, the fact is that a smoker will always smell of smoke, and is unlikely to stick with "no smoking inside"-type rules, either out of laziness or severe addiction. The root problem here is that you appear to fear that losing this ...


21

In my opinion, if you want to stay and don't leave like you did, you will always have to create a somewhat awkward situation. Now, this situation can be really discreet, just like the one I'm going to suggest. Approach the person that is bothering you calmly and in a low tone and say something like: (I assume you know the source since you described the ...


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