70

Firstly, he seems annoyed. He probably knows you're at least somewhat correct, but at this point you comes across more as a know-it-all vibe than good intentions. The fact that he is annoyed makes sense: It's his money and you're telling him how he should spend it (or actually, to save it). How would you feel if he kept telling you to "spend more money, ...


69

I will get at the actual question below, but first let me start with a frame challenge: You are mad at the wrong person! You really want this to be about Lilly, but in reality the problem here is your BF. Forget about Lilly. She does not know you nor care about you, and you can't expect that she will help with this entire mess. Your boyfriend, on the other ...


61

Short answer: you can't. There is no non-smug way to say the words "I told you so". If your boyfriend is smart, he already knows. If you want to be part of the solution, you need to avoid arguing about it and likely he'll admit the error. And even if you want him to sort out his own mess, being smug about it can have the opposite effect of making the other ...


61

It's not exactly an interpersonal solution, but many places offer free and reduced cost animal services. Here's one for the UK: http://www.cats.org.uk/what-we-do/neutering/financial-assistance that appears to offer FREE, £5 AND £10 neutering As far as an interpersonal solution goes I would probably drop the matter. If anything I would advise Lily to ...


46

tl;dr: give the cat to a shelter. Everything in this post refers to "the cat" as the male kitten. The female cat has been around for a while now and doesn't seem to be a problem. Ultimately a deal was struck between John and Lily, with some understanding between you and John about its terms (since it affects you greatly). So far all promises have been ...


28

Your brother seems to have missed the point of what you tried to say to him. You want him to think about the "big picture" and start saving for the future; instead he seems to be angrily paying you back for small things just to show you he is upset. You say nothing about your incomes so I assume that the difference in your financial situations is entirely ...


26

Is it 'fair' to say it's not my responsibility? As you are in Europe, I recommand that you check the European Vehicle Inspection, its autofore link, and related links on the right menu. Give great advice and help with the laws. In Europe, all vehicles must have a technical inspection (new car: after 4 years, then, used cars, every 2 years). In case you sell ...


20

I like those those answers mentioning charity services which can sterilize cats for free. If such are not available, you will have to either (a) give up one cat for adoption to another household, or (b) enjoy you some kittens. This is because Lily is unlikely to step up on this. She knows what she agreed to, and just isn't doing it. It kind of confuses ...


18

The main question is "How can I stress to my brother the importance of saving when he relies on me as a safety net?" - this answer approaches this indirectly by suggesting a way for OP to stop being a source of easy money. My policy about money: I do not lend it. I either give it, or I refuse it. I apply this to everybody (friends, family, strangers), and ...


17

How can I improve my communication with her in the hope that she understands my points and makes an effort to stop being spendthrift? Going back to family counseling. You've already tried everything else from what I can see : having a budget, having big picture talks about why you need a budget, trying to accomodate the budget for her spending,... So either ...


15

In my opinion, starting a conversation that meant to be "i told you so" is going to cause more harm. It is not resolving the problem and yet will worsen the relationship between you and your boyfriend. Alternatively, you can talk to him in a nicer tone, with points as such : You are worried about him not getting good sleep. Convince him to let you try "my ...


13

Sadly my girlfriend was neglected as a child so she really doesn't know how to show affection with children Sadly, I think you said it all, and have many clues to understand the problem. I know that answers need backup, but I can't disclose much on this one due to some people's privacy and intimacy. FWIW, having known some similar situation, it helped me ...


12

It's obvious that this situation has gone on too long (you're having a nervous breakdown because of some cats). Since you're on the verge of exasperation, I think you have the right to give him an ultimatum. It doesn't have to be aggressive; just state firmly the plain facts and your resolution to put an end to this inconvenient situation. It's been [two? ...


11

I'd at least hear the person out. Someone I know sold her car and was contacted after. She sold it to a teenager. They found inside it several photos she did want as well as over $50. While it's possible they are trying to get you to cover some problem or something, you can't know what it's about without contact. If you prefer to wait until Thursday ...


11

I may have misunderstood the situation, but the only thing I found weird was the interaction you described as : he simply says "I have you as my backup, aren't you?" I remain speechless. That seems to convey the message that he believes that he'll be able to turn towards you if he ever has any problems or runs out of money. This doesn't seem to be a ...


11

You got some variant of your message across. That's unusual with entitled people. Now you're trying to weaken the message. Don't do that. Accept the water bottles and soda bottles. Don't promise to be there for him. You can quietly resolve, to yourself, that you are prepared to provide certain kinds of help if it's desperately needed, but why tell him that?...


10

Let me answer the final question after your edit (now removed): If we forget about the money for a moment, how can we communicate to Lily that honoring her agreement is a matter of principle for us (it's the right and responsible thing to do)? You don't. You already told her ("John reminded Lily of her promise.") and she did not react well. Doing it a ...


10

I know this answer is a subset of MilleMies answer but I thought my personal anecdote of being the spendthrift partner was a useful addition. When I was 17 I went out with a 26 year old, he was in full time employment in a good job. I was constantly asking to do stuff which he would "claim" he couldn't afford, I called him tight, I knew roughly what he was ...


8

In the states, when you sell a car to somebody, unless expressly stated, you sell it "as-is" with no warranty which means you are not responsible for issue with the car unless you hid them from the buyer. It sounds like you gave her all of the paperwork. So you are off the hook. Also, lots of people are bad people and she could be trying to scam you out of ...


8

Avoid reminding him that you saw this coming. At least while the problem is still there. Instead focus on solutions to the current problem. Pointing fingers will not help in any way except making you feel good for a minute or two at the expense of your boyfriend. After the neuter has been performed and he's had a few full nights rest you can remind him ...


8

You can't keep someone else sober. Many people have tried. I don't think you are responsible, but I get that you feel that way. I have dealt with multiple drunk people in my life and I have been drunk. In my opinion it's impossible to keep people from getting drunk, as someone makes those choices themselves and people don't react well when you try to change ...


7

I opted to go an in-between route - no outright accusations of lying, but not letting the matter die: Me: I thought the County already created a work order? If they are taking care of it then why get a local engineer involved? The sink hole is very dangerous and nearly invisible. Is there anything that can be done in the short term to make sure ...


6

As others have said, there is no "polite" way to tell someone "I told you so" nor is it constructive. Instead: Stop telling people things and start doing Your boyfriend and Lily have already demonstrated they are unreliable, and you are already feeling like you are doing something that is not "your job". xLeitix suggests being assertive, but assertiveness ...


5

Unfortunately I don't think "interpersonal skils" are going to help you much here. It sounds like Lily has overstretched herself (easy to do if you are someone who can't say no when someone brings in a cat in distress) and has now pushed part of her problem off on your boyfriend. If you and your boyfriend genuinely can't afford the spay/neuter at a ...


5

This may be a mixed answer because I think you should also ask on Personal Finance & Money how to talk and introduce people to personal savings. From what I understand (and assume) your brother don't think in terms of "him and his family" but rather "him". So when HE need help he go to you, because you are his brother. What I think you should do is to ...


5

Lots of answers here but I will be blunt: Your brother is not getting the message and when he says this: “I have you as my backup, aren’t you?” You need to respond firmly: “Look, you are a member of my family and I am there to help you. But I cannot just give you money all the time. Family is there to help you for all of the other things besides money....


5

I'm going to assume that when you ask "how to handle" your dad confessing to being a conman you mean you are looking for a way to talk to him about it, because that is all we answer on IPS. You asked if your dad is a scam artist or a conman. If he has obtained charitable donations from people but has no intention of giving that money to the charitable cause ...


5

when the leader of all the projects got sick, all the projects were stopped except for the one I was leading You hinted at the risks of a single leadership structure instead of a distributed leadership. Expanding and emphasising the risks to the company would be a useful way to keep the leadership roles distributed. The director and decision-makers may not ...


4

What about something like this: "Oh man, your car broke down? Thats really unfortunate. I just had x,y, and z fixed before you bought it by ____ Repair place. Perhaps they did some shoddy work, I'd suggest contacting them about it. Good luck and I hope they can fix it!" This communicates: 1. not my problem and that you have some sympathy for the ...


4

In terms of the sale caveat emptor applies. This is pretty much universal for private sales of items. If you were a dealer then she might be able to come back to you under some fixed warranty period (3 months in the UK) but as it's private it's just bad luck. The car was sold "as is" with no warranty implied or otherwise. You can express your dismay at the ...


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