153

There's no gentle way to say this, so I'll be blunt: You had a business arrangement, and reneged. Your friend put that apartment at your disposal, however you acted on irrational fears, and decided to move in with your parents. That's not on him, it's on you. Had you been accosted again the next day (or even a week later), you may have concluded that it'...


110

In short, don't bother. They know what happened. Going out of your way to rub it in and try to get something out of it is unrealistic. Even considering being polite after someone stole cutlery is more than would be deserved, in my opinion. You aren't exactly dealing with the most moral, responsible people, from the sounds of things. So don't bother with ...


110

New parameters = new deal. When he first offered to sublet his apartment, it was the FULL room/space with all amenities at your OWN benefit. Which is obviously not the case anymore. No matter what the law says (and IANAL), you can still nicely ask him what's the new deal. And see how he'll react. Don't make a fuss about it. But explain that, as the ...


86

In the absence of anything explicit in your tenancy agreement, this comes down to what you can negotiate with them. Ultimately it's their place and if they never intended for you to store items outside of your room, you aren't going to be able to force the issue, except perhaps by finding somewhere else to live or at least threatening to move out - the only ...


73

I, too, found your name telling (yes, actually, though most likely a joke, it's telling.) I'm sure you meant it as a joke. That doesn't mean it isn't offensive. I take it you're a male. You might remember Playboy clubs where the women are/were? dressed as bunnies. Bunnies aren't just cute and fuzzy. Think about it. "Fly me" was the byline of an airline ...


69

This is my premise: A roommate has the right to be sparing and conservative with their spending A roommate has the right to spend their money as they please, as long as they meet their agreed-upon contributions to the household I presume that there is a slight difference in economic status among the roommates. This will cause inevitable disagreements. If ...


68

I have had a similar problem in the past. Your landlord is disregarding your privacy as well as your rights as a tenant. They know that what they are doing is illegal, and still, they do it. They may own the building, but when they lease it, they forego rights to occupy the space without your consent (barring extreme cases). That being said, I feel ...


51

EDIT: I see now that he actually is one of the renters which makes this a lot more troublesome. I'd take the discussion in a sort of similar direction either way. If your friends wants to keep his living arrangement together with you he has to pay his entire part and nothing less. It's quite obvious for an example that he cannot expect to have a room with ...


51

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need." It sounds like your only option is to live with the cat and try to square it with your roommates. If that means keeping close tabs on the litter box and waking up early to settle the cat before it wakes the house up, that's likely what you're going to have ...


51

You guys got off on the wrong foot, which is not to say that things might not change for the better (or worse). Very few of us actually stop and try to look at things from the other person's point of view. You're not really doing that right now either. You know you were busy for those two days. You know you had good reasons to not interact. So how dare ...


50

A negotiation requires two parties which are both open to a change in the status quo. You can't negotiate with a person unwilling to negotiate. The reason why people won't negotiate is usually because they think that the other side either has nothing to offer which has value to them nor any leverage on them. And this seems to be the case here. Your ...


48

How to get out of the situation: Don't ask them to take you off their application. Some have already turned it in. Instead, go to housing placement and request directly there to not be placed with them as you are aware that they have put in that request and you don't want that to be the case. Telling your ex-roomies you don't want to live with them when ...


44

I've lived with roommates several times, and sometimes finances and desires varied within the group. The key idea that worked for us is: there is no household property. Rather, you own that couch and somebody else owns that dining table and chairs and someone else owns those nice dishes and someone else owns the big TV and so on. You all have different ...


42

I am faculty in a Swedish university, so I have at least some passing knowledge of the student housing situation. I would strongly encourage you to keep the legal angle out of the picture, even though you say in a comment that this is your "strongest point". As you say yourself, your entire living arrangement is highly dubious. Students are not allowed to ...


41

I live in a large shared house with with several roommates. The company that owns the house tries to rent it out to international people (however I am not international myself). If the landlords like to get international tenants, then you can fully expect the others to not speak English. From the point of view that this is one of your "issues", the simple ...


39

Non-violent communication approach I'm a person with a strong aversion for arguments and violent discussion, so here's how I would approach her with this: Hi Alice, I heard you saying my name last night during your party. I couldn't help but listening to your conversation and I would like to say that when I heard you telling the story of the incident, I ...


38

Start by understanding that you and your landlord have a fundamental disagreement. You say shared home with roommates But everything the landlady has said suggests that she views it as a home with a room rented to a lodger. In which case, it's obvious that a shared space is to be shared equally. is definitely not true. In this situation you would ...


35

Honestly, I've had pretty much all of these experiences just being an America living with American roommates. I don't think nationality has anything to do with it, which honestly seems evident with your wide variety of troublesome roommates from different cultures and countries. Try to remember that correlation does not equal causation. Just because a few ...


35

You say the problem with your room mates is due to the fact sometimes the cat goes outside of the litter tray. Now, if this is the only problem they have with the cat, then the solution is likely to be cleaning out the litter tray more often, or having more litter trays. As someone who's had many cats, they only go outside the litter tray if they are ill, ...


34

Your situation is an all or nothing situation. First, what does your contract state? Otherwise: If he wants to stay with his girlfriend, that's his choice and he is absolutaly free to do so. However, in a black and white situation there are two options: Cancel his rent 100%, thus also giving up his physical space in the apartment. Now you can rent the ...


33

I was in your situation when I was in Erasmus in France. I used to hang out with this large group of Spanish people. They were all very nice, easy-going, open, and almost all of them spoke an excellent French and a high-level English. They liked the non-Spanish-speaking people a lot (that is, an English guy, a French one, an Italian and me, Italian as well), ...


32

The clearest way to make somebody aware of how their actions make you feel without taking a confrontational tone is to use "I statements." When talking to your roommate, focus on stating how you feel. [Roommate], I wanted you to know that I felt uncomfortable/disrespected/upset when I came back from spring break and found a person in my bed. Beyond IPS: ...


31

If you are afraid that people could become upset because you asked "their" roommates to leave, you could phrase it more as a question for help than a question specifically for that person to join you. I would just talk to as many people as possible and say something like: You know, I need a roommate for the next year, as Jim is going to leave in order ...


30

If you are like me, you will live with that remorse forever. Hell, I still remember stupid stuff I did as a kid and never had the chance to apologize and set it free... My advice is to do what you (and I agree with) think it's right. Independently of her reaction, apologize. This will bring two things: Peace of mind to you - you did what's right: admit ...


29

I think you've put the right answer in your original question already. Assume good intentions, he probably forgot. He just needs a reminder that he forgot to do something important, and that should be enough. Hey, I think you forgot to put the money for utilities in the shared bank account last month. Can you fix that? Especially if he paid for the ...


26

You mention that this guy isn't actually the sole landlord. In this situation I recommend that you "talk to the organ grinder, not the monkey"; that is speak to the person that is really in charge, not just their representative. So if he just works for them then you need to find somebody higher. Speak to, or write to someone senior in the company and state: ...


25

I'm a landlord as a side business, so I've pretty much seen it all, from the tenant who returns the flat without a single grain of dust even on the top of the cupboards (these get a discount, lol) to the... well, you know, when the neighbors call because of the smell asking if someone died in there, so I go check, and I find the door open, no-one inside, and ...


23

You help him place somebody else in there It's the standard rule of breaking a lease: Your responsibility to pay the lease ends the moment someone else is paying rent. Then, with impunity, you can ask for the days' rent back for the days now filled by others. He has no standing to deny it to you, morally or legally. It goes easier to have the landlord'...


23

He thinks you are hacking into his computer. And quite obviously if you did, you would lie about to him about it, and since you would know more about computers than he does, you would be able to come up with all kinds of reasons why he is wrong. In other words, you cannot convince him. Your approach of trying to convince him cannot work. I would suggest to ...


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