69

I experienced this too, in addition to the charities that I wanted to make donations to. I am adding this because it is very similar to you. I learned to allocate a percentage of my income to a fund that I labelled "Donations". When the donation budget was empty, I would tell people just that, but that I would add their name/cause to my next months one. ...


18

"Pay yourself first", my grandfather used to tell us. That was and still is great advice. Make your savings deposit, pay your bills, etc. Do that, and you can truthfully tell them that you don't have anything to help them, sorry. For me, that answer has always immediately stopped the conversation and therefore solved the issue. For the other, more ...


16

From what you write, it seems you properly establish your personal boundaries - but unfortunately the father chooses to disregard them. That means you need to escalate your enforcement of the boundaries. There are many ways to do this, depending on the details of the situation and what you feel comfortable with. Just as an example, I would propose a gradual ...


9

I've been the one benefiting from wealthier friend's generosity, and the one helping more needing person (friend or family member). It's really important to understand that people's minds are the core of the problem: they realize that you help them and: will take advantage of it as long as they can pull the rope. will not take advantage and [ feel bad / ...


9

Well, your home is your private space and it's understandable that you feel vulnerable inviting people, which you don't feel safe with. This does include your mother. And you have a good reason not to feel safe with her. If we refer to the western morals, based of one of the Ten commandments: "Honour thy father and thy mother"... You can express gratitude ...


8

They do say that saying no is an art on itself, and I believe that your question has 2 parts to be answered. The first one is how you say no to yourself, as you mention in the question as well in the comments, that you often offer to pay for something ("don't worry, I'll get it") or you dismiss somebody's offer to pay for something ("do I owe you anything?"...


7

I do personally feel most comfortable with just tackling these kinds of things (expectations I don't feel I can live up to) before the dinner in a truthful manner, but as you've ruled out telling Alice the true reason for not wanting to share: I'd like to introduce you and your friend to the wonderful concept of pro-social deception. These are lies that are ...


4

I cannot leave before the site is finished. I was keen to focus on this comment as I think it is the crux of the issue. The Twitlonger suggestion is great. Somehow communicating your decision to the wider community rather than just to the community leaders and directors is essential as your decision might have been minimised like it sounds like now. ...


4

Unfortunately, I have no idea how can I best communicate to her that I just don't want her visiting me, at least in my home. How to communicate is really easy : just say no. What is very complicated is the hidden question : how to make her understand and have her behave reasonably. That is very tricky, and honestly not up to you. You have the power to be ...


1

When people ask me for money, such as a homeless person, Girl/Boy Scout, checkout person asking about a donation to random charity, or whatever, I say "Sorry, not today". This implies that I've given in the past or will in the future, and am not interested in doing it again/right now. For most things not personal to you, they just want recognition of their ...


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