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33 votes

How do I help someone that has really low self esteem and gets crippled by failure?

This is a simple technique, but can be effective with repetition. When I used to say negative things about myself, an older and wiser friend would tell me: Hey, you're my friend. Stop picking on ...
Andrew's user avatar
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33 votes
Accepted

How do I help someone that has really low self esteem and gets crippled by failure?

As a bystander, it can be tough to try and help people like this. I would know, I used to have terrible issues with self-esteem when I was younger. A few of my friends were very kind and tried to ...
TheRealLester's user avatar
31 votes
Accepted

How to help my girlfriend get her confidence back?

The seeds of confidence need a breeding ground. Be the potting soil she needs. As you already have help from a profesional, I would just recommand that you: Tell her you love her. Show her you love ...
OldPadawan's user avatar
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16 votes
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How can I deal with good friends who suffer from a lack of self-esteem -- and rightly so?

Frame challenge: stop trying to help them fix their problems. They have clearly demonstrated they aren't willing to put in the effort to actually change their situation, and there's nothing you can do ...
Kat's user avatar
  • 5,881
15 votes

How to tell a coworker that you would like to date them?

The age difference is not the problem. The problem is that you are being positioned to have an in-office affair with a woman that is related to others in power. First, find out if it is part of a ...
Edwin Buck's user avatar
11 votes

How to help my girlfriend get her confidence back?

When I was younger I went through a really rough time. My self-esteem was in the toilet and I wasn't coping very well. One thing that someone told me helped tremendously: You gain self-esteem ...
apaul's user avatar
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9 votes

I do art. When people say "draw me", do I include their physical appearance flaws?

Luckily since Cromwell ('warts and all') and photography you will be able to draw exactly as you like. One caveat. If the asker never has seen your work. At least announce that you do caricatures. ...
Bookeater's user avatar
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5 votes

How do I help someone that has really low self esteem and gets crippled by failure?

Your questions of "how do I make her realize.." and "How do I make her not dependent.." tell me very clearly that you are trying to change her. Of course I realize you want to heal her, but you are ...
Rob Watts's user avatar
  • 191
5 votes

How to help my girlfriend get her confidence back?

There is great advice in both answers above. This is a kind of concrete answer to fill in the gaps. This has been said already, but bears repeating: Therapy. Therapists are not all created equally. ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
5 votes

How to gently ask friends to stop being so self-deprecating?

I used to be big on self-deprecating remarks. Then one of my friends complained, "Hey! You're bad-mouthing my best friend, and I won't stand for it!" I can't say it cured me instantly, but after a ...
Ed Grimm's user avatar
  • 1,780
4 votes

How to invite my band-members/coworkers to give me feedback on my performance?

If the group dynamic precludes public criticism, but you want feedback in order to improve yourself, seek out one of the band members privately and tell them that you'd love feedback because you want ...
Ben I.'s user avatar
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3 votes

How to tell a coworker that you would like to date them?

First off, in the office romances have a problem. A lot of relationships don't work, but when it's a person at your place of employment, the aftermath becomes very uncomfortable and potentially job ...
tj1000's user avatar
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3 votes

How to tell a coworker that you would like to date them?

Well she gave you a lot of positive sign. The only "problem" is the professional environment. If you want to have a romantic relationship with her, you should try to develop it outside of work. You ...
GlorfSf's user avatar
  • 923
3 votes

I do art. When people say "draw me", do I include their physical appearance flaws?

I'd recommend that an artist should not judge appearances as flaws; rather the flaw is the eye of the beholder. If somebody has a 10 foot long nose, then that's how their nose is, so just draw that; ...
agc's user avatar
  • 208
3 votes
Accepted

How do I express affection and appreciation for a dear friend with low self esteem?

How can I can be a good friend who doesn't take her kindness for granted without triggering her low self esteem? The short answer here is that you really can't. I know that's rough, but people feel ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
2 votes

How do I express affection and appreciation for a dear friend with low self esteem?

Some people with low self-esteem just don't accept praise and compliments from friends and logically square that circle by telling themselves "they're my friends; they have to say that." It's a hard ...
baldPrussian's user avatar
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2 votes

How to tell a coworker that you would like to date them?

I think Edwin Buck's answer is very good, but it's possible it could be overly pessimistic about your chances if you "play such a game". It's also possible they're overly optimistic about your chances ...
Ed Grimm's user avatar
  • 1,780
2 votes

How to tell a coworker that you would like to date them?

she oversees the project that I have been part of Well that is a problem. Imagine the role reversed. You are the middle-aged male manager and she is one of the new young female recruits. Do you ...
Zorkolot's user avatar
  • 377
1 vote

How to gently ask friends to stop being so self-deprecating?

Short answers: 1. Tell them to trust the people who put them in their position! 2. Help them see that all systems of evaluation are quite limited. One thing that helped me, was to attribute my ...
MPIchael's user avatar
  • 111
1 vote

How to invite my band-members/coworkers to give me feedback on my performance?

I'm taking a point from Ælis and running with it. ... humans aren't good at focusing on multiple tasks at once. While your band is practicing, everybody is focusing on their own performance. ...
Ed Grimm's user avatar
  • 1,780
1 vote

How to invite my band-members/coworkers to give me feedback on my performance?

I don't know anything about music. However, I do know some things about writing. And, what's important here is that I know how to ask feedback about what I'm writing. When I send my work to someone, ...
Ael's user avatar
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1 vote

How do I help someone that has really low self esteem and gets crippled by failure?

TL;DR You can't make her view herself in a particular way, you can only encourage it. If and when therapy comes up, promote it or stick in a short plug, but don't be too annoying. This is a larger ...
ricksmt's user avatar
  • 111
1 vote

Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to

This is a very awkward situation, but since you do see this person around regularly, you could try to get to know them better. See what they are truly like. They may be very insecure about their ...
AskMs.D's user avatar
  • 11
1 vote

Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to

This is a minefield. There is no answer that is safe because the individual is baiting to express either their anger or their self pity. Some big people are fine with their situation while others ...
PeterJens's user avatar
  • 1,422
1 vote

Responding to self deprecating jokes I can't relate to

I tend to make these jokes often myself. Usually, you mean them, even if it's a truth you managed to bury deep down inside. My favorite is usually stating "Story of my life" to something unfortunate ...
ggiaquin16's user avatar
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1 vote

How do I express affection and appreciation for a dear friend with low self esteem?

This is big. I'm in the exact same condition of low self-esteeem as your dear friend, so I apologize if I might sound biased, I apologize if this all might sound harsh and I apologize even more if you ...
Markino's user avatar
  • 3,371
1 vote

How to help my girlfriend get her confidence back?

First of all, all the steps you've taken so far have been very good - getting her away from a situation where she had no autonomy, and bringing her into one where she does, is a huge step for anyone ...
Zibbobz's user avatar
  • 799

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