Hot answers tagged

85

It sounds like your wife is having what is often called an emotional affair. Even though it is just talk, the heart is involved. I say this not to escalate the situation, but because it is important you understand the situation in order to address it. I very much admire your stance to "be a better husband". Too many people give up on relationships at the ...


83

From personal experiences, it's always going to be sort of awkward, because very few can act like a suave George Clooney-esque character from a movie, so just embrace the awkwardness and have fun with it. Even in movies they usually cut from the bar lounge to the bedroom. Hell, even living with a significant other for 10+ years and moving from the living ...


69

First off, you're never obligated to have sex with anyone ever. That's worth repeating so, you're never obligated to have sex with anyone ever. Not. Ever. If you don't really really want to, you don't have to, no matter what. With that said... Often the best approach is the honest and direct one. Talk to them. Tell them how you're really feeling. Tell ...


48

I've been in polyamorous relationships for some time now, so I speak from a bit of experience here. The first question to ask yourself before you even decide if this is a path you can take: You mention that your girlfriend believes that sexual relationships and emotional relationships can be distinct. Are you confident that you're wired this way, too? The ...


40

What I think you haven't fully faced is that your conversation already has only one possible outcome: breaking up. I am certain that given what you have been through, the idea of coercing your partner to have sex on your terms and against his will must be as repugnant to you as it would be to him. Making sex he doesn't want a condition of continuing the ...


36

I was in the same situation as you just a few weeks after I met my fiancee. It was very late and we were near my apartment which was about 50 minutes from hers on public transportation. I invited her to stay for the night so that she wouldn't have to take the train and walk to her apartment alone so late at night. Rather than asking her to stay the night, ...


34

Consent conversations are usually better had before sex... Don't get me wrong, it's always good to be aware of how your partner is feeling during sex, and checking in is a good thing to do, particularly if you're unsure, but stopping to ask for specific permissions and feedback in the middle of things can kill the mood for some people. This may be a bit of ...


29

Friendships, dating and intercourse can be incredibly confusing even to those experienced in them, and if you are new to dating and those kinds of relationships it makes it even more difficult to know how to interpret gestures and contact. I think (especially given your inexperience and your question here), your best course of action is to sit down in a ...


28

First off, the bitter pill to swallow: Don't kid yourself, this is a serious threat to your marriage. What she is doing is an emotional affair at best, a regular and emotional affair at worst. It means a betrayal of your trust and emotional detachment from you. You have to recognize the severity in order to structure your actions here. Your perspective in ...


28

Your question is primarily-opinion-based, but I'm just gonna go ahead and say it... Don't share nude or inappropriate pictures of yourself with people you don't know and trust extremely well. Once they're out there, they're out there, and you can't control where they end up, who they're shared with, etc. They could even come back to haunt you years later, ...


27

I wouldn't say it's rude exactly, it's just asking for a pretty huge favor, and when asking for a pretty huge favor, you shouldn't​ be too worked up if someone says no or things don't work out as planned. I would say that being young is like that... Friends do these things for each other on occasion, but it shouldn't be expected. Your friend should have ...


26

Basically you need to have an informed consent conversation. And when it comes to any kind of kink, that informed part is as important as the consent part. You both need to really understand what you're consenting to, before consent is given. This goes for the both of you. This means talking about it. Be specific. BDSM is an incredibly broad topic ...


25

You are allowed to adjust your intimacy permissions anytime you like in a relationship. A respectful partner will not pressure you on this. If they do, perhaps you're better off in a different relationship. That said, I think you may have either cultural or personality differences with your partner that may be something you need to really discuss - ...


25

The elephant in the room is her gaming addiction. She is basically spending an entire working day at it, every day, if I understood you correctly. That is massive. Who takes care of the kids? Who takes care of the home? Who takes care of you? I'm not saying that to shift any blame on her, but to open your eyes to a much larger problem. Something very ...


25

You can focus on letting her know what you would ideally want out of your love life, finding out what she would ideally want and finding a way to meet somewhere in between. When talking about intimacy, it helps to make the conversation 'intimate' in an emotional sense, but low pressure. Don't start the talk when either of you is upset, in the bedroom, ...


22

In cases where you have to tell someone things that they probably don't want to hear, these are the principles that I generally try to abide by, and they have served me well. Be clear but not unkind. Try not to leave the door open for her to misinterpret the situation. Avoid lying or making excessive or elaborate excuses. Remember that you are allowed to ...


19

Communication is about 15% words. This applies during sex too. If you cannot tell the difference between a pleasurable and unpleasurable response, ask her to help. Have her do something pleasurable, then switch to the opposite. What is your body language? How tense are you? What cues are your girlfriend picking up on that tells her you don't like it? ...


18

First I would tell him some things you appreciate about him as a husband. You said he is a good husband except for this one thing. Tell him this, and explain why. Then bring up the topic of oral sex. Explain that while it may be fun for him, it is not for you. Sex is ideally enjoyable for both parties, but this hasn't been. Is there anything else you could ...


18

When the bill comes at dinner, tell her that you've had a lovely time spending the evening with her, that you wish the conversation didn't have end, and that also, you would be overjoyed to be privileged enough to continue to spend time with her the remainder of the night. If she is on the same page, she may suggest that the night need not end now. Then you ...


16

It's great that you are concerned with her consent to sexual activities. Too few care about that sort of thing. But I don't think you have a communication problem. Instead, you are ignoring the information your girlfriend is communicating to you. As I see it, you have two related problems: Your approach to sex involves things that your girlfriend does not ...


16

From personal experience, I've been the more experienced one (like you i guess) in my relationship. Sex and the like are very touchy subjects and most people who have not engaged in them before are either very lost or shy and uncomfortable with doing these acts. Also, Inexperienced girls tend to find the male organ a bit intimidating and strange to them, ...


16

I've never been in your position with someone that I previously had a physical relationship with, but I have had the need in the past to make it clear to someone that when they are staying over, sex is not on the table. The way I have done this is to mention the sleeping arrangements when telling them they can stay over. It doesn't need to be elaborate, just ...


15

Like anything else, you're always free to say: No. Particularly when it comes to sex, or particular sex acts you aren't comfortable with, "no" is always an option. In the case of oral sex there are lots of perfectly reasonable reasons to say no. Some people find it morally objectionable, some find it objectifying, some don't like the effort involved, ...


15

I don't claim to fully understand Indian culture, being from the West. For you to be concerned about adultery I assume it does happen in your culture. However, would it be fair to say that if both you and your wife agreed to (or at least went along with) an arranged marriage, you both have a "traditional" family background? If so, would that background ...


14

There are three ways that I've tried to get people to stop doing stuff. The first is to ask them to stop. That sometimes works; more often than not the other party says "Hey, that bothers OldPrussian. Let's do it more!" And the problem gets worse instead of better. The second way I've tried to get people to stop doing things is to make it their problem ...


13

As an Indian I am familiar with the social and cultural circumstances that make it difficult for you to ask your future wife the direct question on such an intimate subject. However I would suggest that a lot would depend on whether your marriage is an arranged marriage or a love marriage. If it is an arranged marriage then you are very right to be ...


13

I don't think that it is possible to make a completely non-awkward transition from the dinner table to the bedroom if the sole purpose is sex. Of course, you can make it less so, by applying humour and both being able to laugh about the situation. This is something I often do and helped me in general in awkward situations. My advice albeit would be to not ...


12

Yes it would have been incredibly rude to insist that someone who is paying to have a place to stay, so that they have a constant controlled environment to rest, go find somewhere else the night before a big test, just so that you can do something with a visitor. The primary purpose of being at the university is to get an education. Education related ...


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