148

My boyfriend doesn't like parties either. Music makes his ears hurt, smoke from cigarettes irritate his eyes, and he hates when drunk people come to ask him why he doesn't drink and how come that he can enjoy being here while sober (well, in fact, he doesn't, but that's not the problem here). When people ask him why he's holding back in a corner of the ...


119

Something that I found very effective when attending music festivals, and even while helping out as a doorman at a local club when I was younger, was a simple request for discretion. Something along the lines of: Hey, would you all mind being a little more discreet? If we want this event to continue at this venue, and keep the cops out, we need to keep ...


101

I hesitate to suggest shunning her like the other answers suggest. It seems like it might work, but it also seems like it could be traumatic for her. A little about autism I think it's worth knowing a little about how she may see the problem. This is based on my own experience with autism, which probably isn't exactly the same as hers but might give some ...


88

What about "sorry, but we ran out of ice cream"? Fact is, these people would have wanted ice cream, and there wasn't any. You can't pretend there is ice cream. You can only tell them the truth, apologise, but not accept complaints because the limited budget is not your fault (or possibly anyone's fault). The only alternative if there is some decent shop ...


80

In my experience, being polite actually works pretty well. I would approach with something like: Hey guys, please don't smoke that here, there are kids participating in the event as well. Chances are they know they are doing something they shouldn't and would just stop. I advise against being judgmental or bringing legality into the conversation to ...


77

Personally I think you are overthinking it. I have never given flowers and had them unappreciated. All those reasons you gave for giving flowers are good ones. I don't see how following feminism would make you have to dislike flowers. If you are worried, maybe give a house plant instead? This has less historic connotations than a bunch of flowers and ...


77

One thing you could do is highlight the positive qualities of women while avoiding directly contradicting him I find that the women here are highly motivated. The ones who choose a domestic lifestyle are very successful at it. However there are also many women who choose other paths, and they are very successful in those areas as well! Something like ...


70

You don't usually want to start a discussion, you don't want to attack them, so don't try things like "Now I see how you are still single". Merely express your displeasure: Not cool, man. There are similar alternatives depending on how bad and how long the chat has gone on, like "Too far", "Just no". The most common outcome is that they will attempt to ...


58

I am not talking to her at parties, or approaching her. But she still seems intent on ruining the party for me, by ruining the conversations I am having, hijacking them and then pretending I don't exist, acting like they just started a conversation with another person that was not having a conversation to begin with. Simply ignoring you is something that ...


54

I just had a rather interesting idea for you. Simply treat the baby as if it were any other human being that your co-worker brought to work. "Hello, John/Suzie/Star-Lord, pleased to make your acquaintance." You can shake their tiny hand, if that feels natural to you. If said with a smile, then it's unlikely to offend anyone, and even if everyone is ...


52

It seems that you have a very (re)productive company! You are not at all obligated to have interactions with a colleagues progeny in such a manner as you describe. There are also many new parents that would baulk at the idea of passing around their newborn amidst numerous parties. It is usually courteous to join the group, smile and say something like "...


50

Perhaps you can be a voice of reason. That is what I try to be. So I tend to that take topics and try to make it steered toward being more uplifting and supportive. Overall though, if you just show interest in people and ask them about themselves, you can usually easily avoid topics about others. So find out something about someone (they are a great ...


45

A few questions: Do these people know you are not a religious person? Have you ever told them how you feel about this whole ordeal? How far have you gone so far? Did you do the whole 9 yards? (hold hands, shut eyes, say Amen). This is a very annoying situation to be in. I am an Indian and a Hindu. I am not a religious person, but if someone asked me what ...


44

"No thanks, I'm not much of a dancer. Would you like to grab a drink with me instead?" Honest is a good way to go. Decline, state the reason, and offer an alternative. It also makes it clear that you're not rejecting her, and makes a counter offer if she really wants to get to know you.


44

People love gossip until it's about them or someone they care about... And if you're involved with a group that tends to enjoy gossiping you can be assured that sooner or later you'll be a target. Sometimes when I'm in these situations I can slow them down or derail them completely by playing Devil's advocate, more or less just defending whoever is being ...


44

If you ever feel someone's trying to drag you into a potentially uncomfortable conversation, you can always look a little puzzled and ask something like: What do you mean? This lets you postpone any confrontation, but also forces the other person to lay out their opinion in more detail. Hopefully, their opinion is actually reasonable, they just chose ...


40

I'll check my schedule. In other words: "I don't know yet if I'll come, but I don't want to say NO right now". Possible causes for that answer are: I'm not sure I'll have time. I'm not sure I'll enjoy this. I'm not sure I can put this on top of my priorities. ...and so on... The other person may think that it's none of your business to know the real ...


39

Don't ask to be invited, but let them know you're available. I always say, "That sounds fun. Let me know if you're looking for more people." This makes it clear that you are interested, but doesn't put them on the spot or make the situation awkward.


34

Because Mobile phones have made it harder for speakers to compete for their audience's attention, the speaker has to give them more value that their mobiles would never be able to do in that situation. What you have done, by asking them to ask you questions is great! This is the sort of value their mobile phone would be unable to give them. It's a question ...


34

You should ask where you went wrong at the same time when they tell you this. I'd suggest not to ask it in front of all. You can say like, Oh, thanks for letting me know. I didn't realize. Can you please tell me where I went wrong? What should I have done instead of this? You can skip the latter once you're aware of what to do or you have a better idea. ...


31

Thing is, they most likely care, and want to help you. I totally understand you, but these people just mean it good, it's important to see that. It's hard to bring such a point across, but here's my take: One thing that you could say, that would not be an excuse, is that 'there are too many people for me, I needed a break' and the noise gives me ...


30

In these situations, I ask a lot of questions and run through scenarios. I'm not playing to win, I'm playing to set up the shape of the game in the child's head. I keep it friendly and semi-cooperative and most of all take time over their moves. can you see which moves you can make? If not, talk them through it Let's talk through a few of your options:...


30

To piggyback off of Gnasher's point, limited budgets do suck, but that also does not mean you are limited to strictly the budget! "sorry we have run out" is certainly a great way to respond. You can also mention to the group who has gathered: "Hey guys! Quick announcement here. We are about to run out of ice cream. I have spent the budget given to me to ...


25

In most cases like this I would go to the event and be up front in greeting It's great to see you! I'm very sorry but I'm only going to be able to stay around 30 minutes. My parents are expecting me for a similar celebration. However, I wanted to come and see you and spend as much time as I could because I have not seen you in a while So I'd be doing my ...


24

there's not enough to make it worth actually setting up a party, so I typically cancel in the hope I can have better luck on another weekend. Don't cancel - even with just a few people it can turn into a fun, sociable night - it will get talked about, and might help generate more interest the next time around. By cancelling each event at the last minute, ...


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