Episode #125 of the Stack Overflow podcast is here. We talk Tilde Club and mechanical keyboards. Listen now
213

No Dad, I don't care how many more rings Tom Brady has than Big Ben please keep your handegg anecdotes to uncivilized company I find it strange you’re expecting acceptance and respect for your hobby, yet showing scant regard for other people’s—particularly family’s—pastimes and interests. At the end of the day, what a person does in their own time as a ...


205

When confronted with news that could either be good or bad, pick the response that is most common. Pregnancies, even unplanned, are normally met with cheer in the US. Congratulate them. That's just expected behavior. If you're wrong, they will simply tell you how they really feel. If you ask if it was planned, it could make them feel judged or get ...


158

It is very rude to bluntly say you won't use her email address. In my opinion you shouldn't turn her down at all. Take the email, thank her and just don't use it if you don't want to use it. In this case it was a very concrete gesture with her handing an address but usually these kind of things are just said as a gesture of goodwill and friendliness. And ...


147

When you say "ethical reasons" you are implying that you have made the right choice (morally correct choice). This has an inherent implication that every one else has made the wrong choice. The problem is that you do believe you have made the right choice. You're not trying to force that on other people. In fact, it appears that you are much more careful ...


139

My boyfriend doesn't like parties either. Music makes his ears hurt, smoke from cigarettes irritate his eyes, and he hates when drunk people come to ask him why he doesn't drink and how come that he can enjoy being here while sober (well, in fact, he doesn't, but that's not the problem here). When people ask him why he's holding back in a corner of the ...


110

This seems to be a common problem that vegans and vegetarians experience, so it is worth thinking about why people ask. Is it because: they actually care very much about your diet? Unlikely they think you are weird and it will be fun to bait you? Sadly, more likely they have an economic interest, through employment, background or investment in non-plant ...


102

If you want to know if he's genuinely interested, just tell him to tell you when he's available. Tell him you want to meet, but you acknowledge he's a very busy person, so you leave up to him when to do so. If he's really up to it, he'll eventually call. If he doesn't, well you got your answer as well, although not so satisfying. Most people would not ...


91

You'd be surprised at how little most people care about most things. Model trains isn't a weird hobby, as long as you don't make it your entire life or something; tell most people offhandedly about it (only if the topic drifts there!), and they'll generally be like "oh, cool", or "oh, cool!". Their enthusiasm (or lack thereof) is your clue as to whether to ...


91

"I didn't mean to" is a one-fits-all, automatic answer, akin to the "sorry" he was saying before. It's a sort of automatic protection. For what you tell, it looks like he's a very anxious person. One of my best friends is like that: when I make even some mild remark (like "would you mind closing the window? I'm a bit cold") she always tells "Sorry" with a ...


85

You're basically describing a fairly typical introverts' behavior, so I'm going to try and give some insight into what she's doing, and why. It could be wrong, but since you've described every introvert I've ever known (myself included), I don't think I am, and it may help. Introverts frequently have a much harder time in large group social settings than ...


84

"Why are you vegan?" "I like it." (Good alternative: LightnessRacesinOrbit proposed "Because I want to"). Rationale: Attempting to justify and explain yourself implies you are seeking the approval of your interlocutor, and this invites them to pass judgement/evaluation on you. Even if you are enthusiastic about your reasons for being vegan, it still ...


73

Just tell the person that your mobile phone is only for family calls: "I'm sorry, but I only use my mobile number to contact my family. I do have a phone number, though: <home number>". Or maybe even better, don't even mention "mobile": "Yes, here's my phone number: <home number>. I don't have WhatsApp." Don't make up excuses. As you've ...


67

Yes, It is rude. The person asking is trying to get confirmation on whether the person is really from the place they say based on their physical appearance and/or name. But, context matters and it depends on the person being asked on whether to be offended or not. One of my best friend's heritage is Gambian, but he himself is from London. We've had a ...


64

From what you have said the issue is not actually closely tied to whether or not you have a mobile phone or are willing to share its number, so no amount of explaining that will help. The problem is that people's refusal to accept your answer. There are likely a number of intertwined reasons for that and I can't possibly, being in a different culture ...


63

For work, I bring in donuts for everyone and let them know I brought them in to celebrate my birthday. This is a pretty common gesture at many workplaces in the Midwest US. Alternatives are cupcakes, bagels, cake, a fruit or veggie tray, or any other snack type thing that can be shared.


59

I can speak from experience when I say yes, it is rude. Most phrasings translate to something like: Alice: Where are you from? Bob: I'm from mycity Alice: But where are you really from? Which implies Alice either doesn't believe/accept Bob's answer, which is completely rude or is otherwise unsatisfied, which is none of Alice's business. This ...


56

What is important is continuing the joke with more joke rather than taking it overly seriously. I'm sure that it's very serious to you and it's certainly reasonable to respond in a way that will counter their immediate fear reaction (OMG this guy could probably kill me) by responding in a way that's both lighthearted and informative. It's likely that most ...


56

Here's the key: I am constantly asked about topics I have zero interest in and it's quite hard to fake interest when asked about topics you don't follow At some level people just won't take to this attitude; it comes across as dismissive. So... The easy part Some thoughts on this: Use topics you dislike as a bridge to topics you do like. Someone ...


52

One thing missed by other questions: reciprocity. If all your communication is one way (they ask, you answer) that can get pretty annoying and boring quickly. Imagine that your partner in chat doesn't really care whether you've "seen the game", or not, but rather cares learn something about you and feel connection. If you start telling them history of your ...


51

One thing you can do to deal with this situation up front is to make it clear that you have a limited time line with which to do things when you meet up, or even before. Hey A, it's great to see you! Just to let you know, I only have 2 hours to hang out today/tomorrow/next week because I have some chores I need to get done that day. If you find that ...


49

But I have found out that this remark is not always appropriate- notably when the pregnancy is unplanned. In general, if a person is publicly announcing her pregnancy, she has decided to keep the pregnancy, and almost certainly the baby. So congratulations are called for. Never ask if a pregnancy was planned. Just don't do it. If a person is a close ...


48

Normally, this isn't the answer I would give for such situations, but this one comes from personal experience. As a huge fan of Pokemon in my mid 20s, I get a lot of flak from co-workers. I used to get a ton from family too, but I took an important step to fix this: Own It. Like I said, not normally my advice. But for so innocent a hobby as studying ...


46

I recommend going to your "best friend" you mentioned, ask him in a 1 to 1 talk if you could be included and ask him for his honest opinion why you are not included. I would also like you to ask yourself if you think there is anything in you that is particularly different from your friends, as to why they could be "leaving you out" of the whatsapp group. I ...


43

It is in my opinion rude, but maybe not for the reasons you could think. You have the right to think their texts are pointless, of course. And you have the right to tell them : Sorry, I'm somewhat busy, I can't think about that right now, I'm not interested by this, etc... This is not rude. What is rude is not giving them a return. This is an important ...


42

My plan is to have our scheduled session on this upcoming Saturday, then before we end for the evening, bring up how I feel directly with them. I wouldn't recommend that: (In my experience) people are tired after a gaming session and may not have the time / stamina / patience / etc. for a difficult discussion around social stuff . You're putting a whole ...


39

The safest way is to relate your reasons to you directly, instead of making them so-called "global truths". For example, saying The treatment of animals in slaughterhouses is disgusting. can be taken to non-vegans as Anyone who supports slaughterhouses by eating meat is disgusting. Frankly, saying "ethical reasons" could potentially also imply to ...


36

I remembered something a friend said when another friend was announcing their partner's pregnancy and I think it is an alternative to "Congratulations!" This is big news This can be said in a tone to match the other person- with excitement or with concern. If it is unclear, it can be said as a neutral statement. However I agree that in most cases it is ...


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