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111

There isn't really a fool proof way to tell a joke from a compliment, unless it's immediately apparent from the tone of voice or context. Are they pointing and laughing? Do they sound snide or sarcastic? Etc. Even if the delivery sounds completely innocent, it may just be a joke delivered in a deadpan fashion (my personal favorite). So, given that there isn'...


47

I would start out by telling people you don't think the joke is funny any time they make the joke. So for example, some one makes one of these bird jokes you could sigh and say: That joke is so stale you should really stop. Keep your voice calm and try to sound more like your just tired of the joke instead of frustrated by it. From your question it ...


43

You ask, How can I recognize that I am teasing someone without verbal feedback from that person? and what non-verbal cues can I look out for that the teasing in that moment is unwelcome? Since you can't use the persons words or tone of voice to discern if they are uncomfortable, that leaves you with body language. In the book "What Every BODY ...


40

I come from The Netherlands. Let me assure you that joking about relationships/weddings is very common here as well, since (at least in my area) people are usually married by their mid-twenties. Just as you, I get a lot of jokes about my lack of interest in any relationship. Here's what I have done about it: Not responding seriously at all. When a family ...


39

He has told me several times he believes himself to be on the spectrum Being on the spectrum does not give you a free card to insult people after being told that this is inappropriate and unwanted - especially at the workplace. Also note "he believes himself", he isn't even officially diagnosed. he just grins and says "I know, I'm a terrible person." and ...


27

Is there a way to show interest in getting to know others while still protecting yourself? Yes. Ask more questions and listen carefully. Most people like to talk about themselves to an extent (some a lot). If you ask them pertinent questions and listen to the answers, you'll get to know one aspect of that person. But you're worried about how they might ...


26

"while I smiled and pretended to find it funny, my hands were shaking with anger and I did all I could to hide that fact." Let's start with this statement. You say you don't want to talk to any of them for fear of confrontation, but let me tell you from personal experience: Holding this in is not healthy! I feel that statement is so important, I've bolded ...


21

I believe it is occasionally detrimental to both my work and the work of others, due to the time wasted discussing my "robotic" tendencies. I disagree! What's happening here is some light teasing to increase the morale of the team and bond together as fellow humans. TheFreeDictionary defines morale as The state of the spirits of a person or group ...


20

AK_is_curious already gave a brilliant answer regarding handling your coworker. However, I've got a hunch that this (as in so many cases here on IPS) mostly revolves around your own feelings and attitude. You want to make him behave politely without making him feel bad - because you're a nice and compassionate person. But the answer very likely is that it's ...


19

This is what is making answering your question tricky: Some subjects are particularly hurtful to me personally though, hence the question. I don't want to lose the teasing dynamic I have with them, but if I bring up the subjects that are painful to me, they'll avoid it entirely You realize yourself that you can't ask people to tease you ...


15

It is okay to say what you are too sensitive about. If people like you, and it seems these people do, they understand and respect that. They won't stop interactive in a playful way. I am sensitive about my weight. I have some health issues historically that at times have caused me to be thinner than I like. I do not like comments about it, even in ...


13

I've been in your shoes before (and his). As someone who has overstepped their boundries and hurt someone unintentionally, I want to provide you with the options I've found. First, keep in mind everyone is different. Your teasing might be fine with one person, but not fine with the next. You aren't necessarily a bully for that, but now that it's been ...


12

Here are the steps to dealing with pretty much every interaction you're going to have while juggling: Don't take yourself too seriously Most people are familiar with juggling as a performance. Penn Jillette, world-famous juggler and magician, affectionately refers to himself and others like him as "carny trash". Jugglers are the kind of folks who go to ...


11

I occasionally have a similar issue with "reader's vocabulary," myself. It's certainly a problem. I try, as much as I am able, to assume good intent when people correct my pronunciation of high-vocabulary words. Even though sometimes the correction may sound harsh (many times, because it's a quick word that can sound like a verbal jab), I've learned that ...


11

I'm from Indonesia and this is also common in our culture. Here people marry in their early 20, and after 25 they will start asking you "When you will get married" in various version, whether you are already have girlfriend/boyfriend. The dreaded moment is after a wedding of someone you know, especially if you met your friends, relatives, or ...


10

It's simple to me; Don't fake smile. This will encourage the behaviour. Show your true feelings when it hurts and if they care about you, they will sense it and stop and maybe even apologise.


10

There are tons of ways to show someone you are interested in getting to know them without explicitly revealing things about yourself Initiate Contact: If you are the one to approach someone else this shows immediate and obvious interest. Ask Questions: Especially detailed or open-ended questions. This demonstrates interest by showing that you want to ...


8

In situations where a joke has been played out to the point that it feels like a waste of time, or is getting annoying in general, the approach that I like to use is address it in a head-on, straight forward way, but keeping a light tone. Address the issue as soon as someone brings up your supposed 'robotic' nature in any way. Something like this, adjusted ...


7

I feel for both of you. There can sometimes be a fine line between friendly ribbing and something more hurtful; I've been on both sides of this line, as both the teaser and the teasee. Luckily, I think you're off to a great start by having openly communicated about it. Since you have already had a conversation with your boyfriend about this, you have the ...


7

I agree that if you decide to approach them head on with the issue, Tycho's Nose's answer is correct. There are steps you can take before that though if you don't want to risk losing the entire teasing dynamic (if I found out I'd been teasing a friend for A the last few months without realized I was hurting them, I'd be less likely to tease them for B). In ...


6

I usually find that the best way to assure someone that their jokes don't offend you is to make a joke of your own directed at yourself. This has the added benefit that the can be already prepared with a couple jokes since you know yourself more intimately than anyone else, and you know which things you could joke about that would be well received. ...


5

It's difficult to answer from a different culture ( UK here). But I've certainly had relatives who behaved in a similar way. That Aunt who would ask everyone about it. Often this approval for this sort of behaviour is deeply socially and culturally ingrained, and whether you like it ( or find it appropriate) its unlikely they will stop. It's also likely ...


5

If you don't know when or about what is ok to tease him the, as yourself suggested, don't do it. I speak for myself when I say that sometimes we don't really mind about jokes and teasing, but if it comes from our special one it may be hurtful because we expect that person to be on our side. We don't expect (nor want) them to make fun of us. Maybe its the ...


5

The biggest thing you can do is show up. Go to events, meet people, make small talk with them. Accept invitations to hang out and get coffee. If this makes you anxious due to past experiences, keep an exit strategy in your back pocket -- but still go! It can be as simple as "well, it's been great but gotta go!". You can also practice responses for when you ...


5

The first answer, looking at body language, is right on spot. It takes some training to learn to observe when your partner is uncomfortable, and you have barely started. Keep paying attention, because what you will learn will be of use in many situations. I would, as a rule, not laugh with others at my partner, unless he clearly started it or wanted to ...


5

(Read: coworker is harmless, married, and acts more like he's my age.) I am glad you put that in there because I was not getting that from the rest of your post. You describe a guy ten years older then you, becoming friendlier, letting you in on personal parts of his life and belittling your boyfriend. I am seeing a guy here that at best is having a ...


5

You did OK. Communication is never perfect. It's not always easy to guess someone's intentions. It's not (only) your fault for not getting it; it takes two to communicate clearly. Maybe some non-verbal clues would have helped (was she smiling?). But it's hard to notice them when your full attention is devoted to that 5-ball Mill's Mess you're running. These ...


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