Hot answers tagged

164

No one likes to be ignored, but with digital media, that's unfortunately something you will have to get used to. People often read messages pretty quickly but do not always have the time to immediately respond. Especially in a case where a reply is not a quick answer or might need some more thought behind it, such as how it sounds from your example. This is ...


97

You can't expect people to answer you right away when you send them a written message. They might be busy, they might be too tired to answer, they might haven't taken any decision yet and so one. Unless you are sending a message to one of your employees during work hours, this person doesn't owe you their time. And responding to someone is something that ...


67

Welcome to the wise and wonderful world of being a curmudgeon. It's ok many of us stayed in the closet for years, but at some point, you just gotta embrace your inner angry old person and let it out. Ok... Mostly joking... Mostly... I've been a curmudgeon for a long time now. I have expressed open disdain and disappointment with/for lol cats for as long as ...


57

Just because it is called "instant message" doesn't mean you get an instant reply. There are countless reasons why someone may not respond to a message. They might be driving, at work/school, or maybe - crazy thought - they might be someone who doesn't check their phone every 5 seconds. Even if you have some kind of indicator that they have read the message,...


48

Ignoring IM's is part of proper use, start doing it, too. View ignoring of instant messages (IM's) positively. Some more determined people are ignoring IM's intentionally as part of their personal boundaries to keep their focus, productivity or peace. They are determined to ignore personal instant messages in work to prevent distraction. They are determined ...


46

With this messaging habit, nowadays, imo we tend to forget an easier and more direct way to get things done: CALLING You said he/she's a friend, therefore I think there's nothing (e.g. shyness) that should hold you back from CALLING. A polite Hey, sorry to press you and sorry for already sending you a message, but I have this important [appointment/...


32

Contact Alex or his bandmate again and ask him to forward her your number and a brief explanation: you very much enjoyed talking to her at the concert and would like to meet her again if she's interested. (I don't think that's too much to ask for someone you work with - what does it cost him?) This way, you leave the decision whether she wants to be in ...


31

You give them a call. Email, IM, text messages are asynchronous media. You can't expect people to drop what they are doing to answer you. Read / Received receipts mean the message was delivered and (possibly) displayed on some screen. It does not mean it was looked at, read, or understood. What does this mean for you? It's worth accounting for some delay ...


27

The fact he read your message doesn't imply that he has to reply. I know this might sound rude, but it's perfectly fine to not answer when someone you barely know sends you a message. There are countless reasons for which he might not want to reply (maybe he's busy, maybe he's not interested anymore, etc.). The fact you chatted with him doesn't give him ...


18

Maybe try being honest with them. Instead of short replies, I say things about what I got & try to stay polite, but not convey any sense of enjoyment. I might say something like Hey so you know I am not really one to love puppies, but send me all the dark memes you got. Maybe something like this... And then send them one you love. I like ...


18

I would just contact her because really, if she did like you, it will not be creepy to her, it will be welcome. Just be very apologetic: I'm sorry to be calling/texting you but this is the only way I could find how to contact you. If you can WRITE to her rather than call her, it is more comfortable for her. Write something like I don't know if you ...


16

"Be concise." I have always had the same problem. In a nutshell, I found the trouble is I over-explain and go on relevant but unnecessary tangents. Somewhere in those 5000 words will be one or two core ideas I wanted to express and in re-reading my own message I can often whittle it back down to just that. Sometimes I delete my entire message and re-write ...


16

Judging from the content of the message you give as an example, the sender of the message could be assuming you're someone else. It's not unusual for women to give fake numbers to strangers who flirt with them if they're not interested in actually staying in contact. Maybe someone gave your number away by pure chance. In that case, you should be very ...


15

You can just say it is a text/call you were expecting from a family member. The reason this works is due to 2 factors You bring up the fact that you are about to check your phone, this is not considered rude compared with just going for your phone and interrupting whatever you were doing. A call from a family member is a perfectly valid reason to pick up ...


14

How can I set boundaries to let people know I expect a reply, even if it's like "I don't feel like doing this anymore"? Boundaries are supposed to protect what is precious to you. You first need to determine what that is. If the precious thing is your time, for example, you can say something like The offer is good until tomorrow. After that, the deal’s ...


13

You're right and you're wrong about your assumptions. You certainly cannot force him to not text and drive, as he is an adult. However, he is endangering your safety and if that bothers you then you should speak up. Your other friends seem okay with that. And that's fine for them, but don't count on their support. In fact, when you speak to your texting ...


12

Just don't respond. No one will care and for the few people who do mention it ('didja see my email with the kitten in a bow-tie? wasn't it hilarious?'), just say you prefer lolcode to lolcats.


12

TL;DR The "instant" in instant messaging is a horrible misnomer. It isn't instant, and it's frustrating to expect it to be so. It engenders confusion in reasonable people. Longer "Instant" messaging is asynchronous (as in not synchronized), as is email, snail mail, text messaging, voicemail, etc. If there's no one there to take the message when it arrives,...


11

It doesn't seem that the problem is that he texts you frequently -- after all, it can be rather nice to have someone give you that much of their attention. Instead it's the fact that you feel it's necessary to respond to to his texts in a timely manner, possibly because that's what he expects any of his friends to do. To take a step back: When getting ...


11

I'll start with different people are different, and what works to communicate with one person may not work for others. It's possible you'll need different techniques for one or more of your friends. I also tend to be a direct person. But it's also not always about how direct one is; for some people it's about the apparent potential for confrontation. Your ...


10

Just be straightforward. Tell them you don’t recognize their number and explain why (even if you should have it). For some of my situations I like to say: Hey! Thanks for the message. I don’t seem to have you in my contact list; could you give me your name please so I can add you? Or Sorry, I have trouble with memorizing phone numbers; can I have ...


10

I may be wrong here, but I see in your responses a pattern of needing to share your opinion on everything, and needing to be right as well. Let me offer you some words you could use in response to things a person tells you over text: tell me more what's that like? sounds great good idea you're right This gives the other person a chance to feel like they ...


9

As I understand it, the Taoist view of relationships is, broadly, that love must constantly change to grow with those involved. I'm not a Taoist, but I'd agree with that statement, and a similar idea is probably believed by most people no matter what their culture or philosophy. People do change through their lives. But there lies the flaw in the rest of ...


8

Be Honest When in doubt, just tell her how you feel about it. Let her know that while you love her, you don't appreciate it/it hurts you (be vulnerable) when she talks to her friends like that about you. Perhaps give her an alternate way of saying what she wants to say, which is avoid conflict. If she is reasonable, (and she sounds like a nice girl) she will ...


8

Your own suggested text message seems fine. I would make a minor change (I'm not picking on the grammar as I guess it will be written in German and we just have your English translation): "Hi, this is Fimbulvetr from the concert. I really enjoyed our conversation. I got your number via XXX - I hope you don't mind, I wanted to ask you personally but ...


8

I would suggest following up with information on why a reply is important. Thinking about why you need a reply will help you deal with delays in messages. What is the name of the website? [read, no response] I will have time to look at your website tonight, and I would like to see it before we discuss this further. A lot of people have a hard ...


7

I'd say something along the lines of: 'Hi, just wondering if you'd seen my message. I'd really appreciate staying with you, but if you can't then no problem, let me know soon so I can book a hotel otherwise :)' This shows them how grateful you'd be if you do stay, but also lets your friend comfortably decline if they have any uncertainty, allowing you ...


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