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55

The advice to write it off is good. I'd rather frame it differently, though. I would consider "forgiving the loan". In writing it off, you sustain a net loss. We might be mincing words, but in forgiving the loan, it's a net gain, because you have displayed a degree of generosity in the process, and generosity is a much better feeling than resentment. If you ...


39

You need to write this off and move on. This "good friend" has shown he cannot be trusted. Since it was a "small amount", chalk this up as the cost of a lesson, never lend money to this person again, and (probably) move him down a few steps on your friendship ladder - if you don't decide to write off the friendship as well.


39

I also think you handled it excellently, but another possibility to remain cautious and helpful is to offer to call help (police, ambulance etc.) yourself: You are offering help. What she described is a threatening situation and, e. g. calling the police and let them decide whether it's worth acting upon or not, is a good idea. You don't endanger yourself ...


29

A Good Read Bustle has a great article on the matter: When To Disclose Your Mental Illness To Someone You're Dating They note five different times when you should consider disclosing your mental illness: When It Influences Your Behavior For instance, Health Central gives a scenario in which a person with an anxiety disorder is invited on a date to a ...


28

It's unfortunate that they are stooping to petty remarks in passing. I myself wouldn't tolerate that ("Huh?" won't stop them.) I would ask them politely not to accuse you of anything you have not done and that they have no proof of. I'm not sure you can convince anyone who doesn't want to be convinced that you're innocent. But that shouldn't stop you from ...


24

He thinks you are hacking into his computer. And quite obviously if you did, you would lie about to him about it, and since you would know more about computers than he does, you would be able to come up with all kinds of reasons why he is wrong. In other words, you cannot convince him. Your approach of trying to convince him cannot work. I would suggest to ...


22

Something that's possibly worth keeping in mind in this situation is that the person who you were dealing with may not have been a willing accomplice... Often in situations where human trafficking is involved, or even simple scamming, and robbery, the bait person may be a victim too. They may themselves be a victim of human trafficking, an abused spouse/...


18

I see two points here : Trust: by not paying back the money he betrayed your trust, that's what you need to tell him. Selfishness or the excuse of "I wasn't here", you don't buy a gift for a birthday people to get free access to drink and a party, you buy it because you want to give him something nice for his birthday, even if you cannot attend. This is ...


18

Especially at around college age, there is a particular pattern of behaviour I have seen in young men that is not a healthy one for the women around them. The actions of the young man you describe fit into that pattern. The primary aspect of this behaviour is that they push you to do specific things that people do when they are in a close relationship, ...


14

I worked for 17 years as an IT technician in a work environment where some people were far less tech-savvy than your roommate. They wouldn't even know how to find the network and sharing centre. I think this proves the saying that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Your friend has found his way to some settings and information that he does not ...


13

The answer may be that you cannot trust her. Some people are terrible at keeping secrets and blab things, no matter how much they fight it. (Frankly, it's rare to find someone who will keep a secret entirely to themselves forever, but some are especially bad.) These people tend to describe themselves as "having no filter". I'm assuming your friend falls ...


13

You don't necessarily have to trust her again, at least not for a long time. At the end of the day trust is something that's earned, and if you break that trust, it becomes even harder to earn it back again. In the long term to help reinforce how much she's betrayed your trust try not to trust her as much with things, tell her things "don't matter", ...


12

Once you share it, a secret has a life of its own. It's no longer in your control. Trust is one of the pillars of friendship. Do not let your secrets out in the first place, unless you absolutely trust your friends to keep it. To prevent your friends from spilling your secrets, you should look at how they could possibly do it. Tell your friends that it is a ...


12

I was in the same situation as you in the past, and unfortunately we didn't continue together... First, you are asking the wrong question, or you wrongly described the problem. Here the question is (paraphrased) What do I do about the fact that I’m grossed out by my new girlfriend’s sexual history? Or How can I stop picturing her having sex with ...


10

Since you have the ability to make rules: work with management and the other lifeguards to change the policy. Amend your current rules, and decide when the rule change will take place Choosing a date in the future, rather than immediately enforcing the changes, gives your patrons time to react and adjust. (This is assuming there was no pressing food-...


10

You probably can't. You violated your girlfriend's trust, repeatedly, over a period of time. It sounds as though you plan to blame this on a bout of depression. Your written goal is to rebuild trust with your girlfriend while (from her perspective) potentially re-enacting that violation, requiring her to trust you in the exact way you showed that trust was ...


9

With my friends I go by my middle name, but my legal name is on all my documents. This has caused problems both ways. Friends I meet wear betrayed expressions when they see my driver's license or come with me to get my mail. At my first job I didn't tell HR before they setup my email and badge so I figured "screw it, I won't be too close to people at work, ...


8

I think that your action was the best choice, you can't know if she was telling the truth or just trying to lure you to a trap. In this cases when the person (victim) tells a strange story and does not seems to be 100% legit by all the points that you notice, the best way to get out of this situations is to tell a lie just like you did... (i have to go, ...


8

Should you tell your best friend Probably, especially if it's going to weigh on your conscience. That being said, be prepared for him to not accept what you're telling him. Give him the information you have, and support however he chooses to act from that point on. Should you object at their wedding Think of how this will impact him. This could be very ...


8

No-one so far has mentioned the other friends. They are part of the affair, since they must have put their names, along with yours and Bob's on the present, one would assume. One would also assume they are/were Bob's friends too. If they are not aware of the situation, they should be. This then could be an answer to helping him be convinced. By the time he'...


8

One way to frame the topic, is to point out he doesn't owe birthday-person, he owes you - so his non-appearance at the party doesn't do anything for you, it doesn't balance the debt owed. He's not owing money because of the birthday person or the party or even the present, he owes it because he opened his mouth and said he would pay you back - very ...


8

I'm not sure there's a way to make someone understand that you have specific boundaries about trust unless you explicitly tell them. As of a few weeks ago, the texts were simple and jovial, casual jokes. I had indicated a few times that my past was complicated and that I don't trust people easily, he had tried to gently ask me a few times about it. From ...


7

I would address directly the comments with the comment giver as soon as it happens. With the example you gave of: Did you enjoy that x you stole? I would respond with something like: The only food I ever remove from the fridge is mine. I'm also disappointed(?) because I've had food taken. I don't know why you're accusing me of taking the x but I'm ...


7

First, few separate questions that I see here. I don't think that they will make good separate IPS@StackExchange questions, but just trying to unwrap. "she continues to bring these events up from time to time despite the way they make me feel" -- How to tell partner i don't want to hear about her past sexual life anymore? "I don't explicitly tell her that I ...


7

You have a very weird situation on your hand. I see that you have noted that you can't really prove it to your friends but I presume you are thinking that you need to prove it beyond reasonable doubt and that isn't really the case. I presume the value of the lost work isn't too high because you have not taken legal action yet. How I would approach the ...


7

You could start with a live demonstration. Let him look at his laptop and see the printer connected. Then walk to the printer together and turn it off (by disconnecting it from power, just to be sure). Let him see first hand that the printer disappears from his display. Then reconnect the printer and let him see it reappear. Explain to him that you made ...


6

You should probably sit down and have a long talk with her since : I am sick of this constant doubting and not sure what to do. Here are some points of perhaps why she did so : She had bad experience in her previous encounter (commitment related), thus being insecure. She is possessive. You are behaving suspicious, or your commitment is just not above ...


6

You need to apologize There are many socially acceptable techniques you can use for not answering social questions, as opposed to putting forth such an effort into creating a fake persona and portraying it as one's own. No one likes being lied to. Even small, innocuous lies will make others perceive you as untrustworthy. Lying like you are isn't common, and ...


5

I'm pretty sure that your girlfriend is aware that you are uncomfortable when she brings up her sexual history. This seems like a conversation you've had many times before unproductively. To be able to talk about insecurities with a partner you need to know what you are actually trying to say. Ask yourself are you asking for a change in their behavior, are ...


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