439

I don't think you can. I'll lay out why I think this is the case: The relationship you describe with Katie sounds exactly like any new romance except for the fact that you are both currently married to other people. You, personally, feel that there is romantic potential in the relationship. Except for your current marriage, you expect you would have the ...


275

I have recently had to make a long series of doctors appointments. After the 3rd time someone asked me this I got a bit annoyed too and asked them why they were asking. The receptionist smiled at me and said I didn't have to be specific, but she wanted to know so she could provide details for the doctor. This way they can determine multiple things: How ...


259

From everything you've written here, it seems perfectly reasonable that your wife would be feeling jealous. Your wife is jealous because everything you are doing looks like cheating, regardless of how pure your intentions are. If you want to convince your wife that you two are just friends, it doesn't come down to saying the right things to your wife. It ...


239

As someone who has been the boyfriend in this scenario, tell him. I can completely understand your concerns but you need to find out sooner rather than later. What if he treats me differently? He might, and you need to know as soon as possible. In my situation the person had the same career as myself but had some spectacularly lucky (wise?) investments ...


236

Always. My dog is a black labrador; an abused rescue I found at a shelter. When I got him (a male), he was limping and terrified. If you touched an ear, he would yelp like you kicked him: somebody had been dragging him (or lifting him) by his ear. An x-ray of his leg showed healing from a cracked bone, and his knee had been dislocated for so long it couldn't ...


231

Close friendships are wonderful. Right now, you are putting a lot of time and energy into your friendship with Katie, and you are both enjoying the benefits of that effort. A proportionate investment in your marriage will help it to be more stable and fulfilling, for both you and your wife, which should in turn lessen concerns about cheating. Most spouses ...


161

I can't answer from the UK perspective, but in the US, you have a couple of things happening here. First of all, these reps are "encouraged" to get people to do these surveys and to try to sell other products. That's what got Wells Fargo in trouble here. I suspect that your rep had the same kind of "encouragement" It seems to me that starting an ...


150

A waiter's job is to inform you of the menu and serve you while you're in their restaurant. Their time is precious so you always want to be careful when causing them more work than they would normally have to do. When asked if you'd like an extra dish however, there's no shame if you respond with: That sounds interesting, but what's the price for that? I ...


137

How I would normally respond is: "Enough to pay the bills" This way, they'll get that you're unwilling to disclose this information, they'll also know you earn enough to get by. You should reply with a polite undertone which insinuates that you're saying it in a way that you haven't taken offence to the question, either. As @Emrakul rightly points ...


131

But, he'll still share and talk quite hateful things towards them. I know deep down it isn't because he genuinely has a hatred for Muslims, it's because he's believing the lies that he's reading. This is no different from saying that ISIS members don't have a "genuine hatred" for the West, they just believe the lies they hear from other extremists. NO ...


121

By having a long, hard talk with Katie about what your relationship is. It's going to suck, believe me. But you seem totally oblivious to the fact that you're having a full-blown emotional affair. If Katie is as oblivious as you, then you need to work together to figure out where the social line is and how you can get back to your own sides. If she's not ...


119

The requests usually come out of the blue, so I don't have time to work my relationship status into the conversation naturally. What's wrong with saying "Sounds great. I know a few great places like X, Y and Z. I'll ask my girlfriend if she wants to join as well." or something along those lines? To me it seems perfectly reasonable to ask my SO if ...


118

I would encourage your wife to talk to the fiancee about this. The person best able to put an end to this is the fiancee. Even if she can not, she needs to know who she's engaged to before she's legally bound to someone who is - at minimum - very much attracted to a younger woman enough to stalk and harass her - and who may some day actually "catch" some ...


111

Communication involves two people. Instead of making a statement about the other one, make a statement about yourself. For example: It looks like I wasn't clear enough, sorry. My question is: (simplest restatement you can come up with). Do you know / do you have that info / can you help? My job involves a lot of written communication. Even when I ...


96

Put the key in the lock, lock the door and say to the workmen 'I'll be back in 20 minutes.' The problem with your current approach is that it gives people the time to react and tell you that you don't have to lock the door. If you don't want people to take an opportunity/option that isn't available, don't offer it. Don't explain where you're going or why, ...


93

If he's the type of person who will treat you differently once he knows, it might be good to know this sooner rather than later. You say, He often offers to pay for things and I try to go halfsies with him because I feel bad, but he sometimes insists because he's the guy. [emphasis mine] I suggest that you take him out to dinner. Nowhere above his pay ...


92

Directly and honestly. I think that your last line contains the exact information you need to express to your partner: My friendship with [best friend] is really important to me, she's been a very important part of my life. I know you don't like her or how close we are, but I would be devastated if she just dropped out of my life for good. How effective ...


90

My solution (if I am in a bad mood) was to simply ask back Why should I? the only answer "because it is tradition", to which I respond "SO?" I have been married 25 years now, it is amazing how well this works, as long as you have the attitude to go with it. We have given the kids my surname as a middle name like I thought they did in Spain but turns ...


90

Please don't interrupt me a second time. This is rude. Wow! That's an extraordinarily rude thing for them to have said. If someone on a telephone banking line said that to me I would consider issuing a written complaint to the bank a justified response. What you do was a perfectly polite way to deal with them. It is your time they are wasting with this ...


88

In basically safe places, as pubs and bars in the US and the UK are supposed to be, the protecting behaviour towards the woman accompanying you does not make much sense anymore. I feel like the courtesy of holding a door outweights it. This is my rule of thumb: If the door opens outward, I open it, hold it and let the other person pass. If the door opens ...


88

Is that extra, or included? It's a way to inquire about pricing while not actually saying any specific word that is heavily financial in nature. Or, simply, "How much is that?" By inquiring about the cost, you can be delighted if you find out its free. If it's more than what you want, just note, "No thanks, I'll pass."


87

How can I interrupt a colleague, and stop them from discussing work with me until after my lunch break without being rude? Especially if you're eating a hot meal, where I'm from (Netherlands) it's perfectly fine to say something like: 'Sorry, I'll be with you in < however long your lunch break will last >. Right now, I'd prefer to eat my meal before ...


86

Don't touch anyone or anything without asking. This applies to dogs, children, people (especially the bellies of random pregnant women and yes people do that), you name it. There is simply no reason not to ask. Now in emergencies, obviously this is exempt. But otherwise always ask and the simplest answer is, it keeps things civil and good and polite and ...


81

First of all, don't worry that you don't always like to do the same things. Compatibility is often more about how you deal with issues like this than the things you have in common. So you don't like watching the same kind of things on TV. This is the same with my wife and myself. She likes period dramas, I like some sci-fi, but there are things we both like....


81

how can I let my date know to stop asking me to lend her money? Next time she asks, explain it just like you did here: I'm sorry, but no. I don't like the idea of lending people money unless they are family, so I'd prefer it if you didn't ask again. Leave out the 'really needed' part though, she might start playing on that if she knows. Don't invent ...


79

I am from Belgium, I don't know if there is a lot of cultural differences between our countries but I find the reaction of the donor unprofessional and misplaced. I think it is rather rude to say such a thing, and I think it is everybody's right to simply check the time. Additionally, the donor has no way of knowing why you checked your phone. Maybe you ...


78

Personally I think you are overthinking it. I have never given flowers and had them unappreciated. All those reasons you gave for giving flowers are good ones. I don't see how following feminism would make you have to dislike flowers. If you are worried, maybe give a house plant instead? This has less historic connotations than a bunch of flowers and ...


75

I'm always reminded of my sage uncle's answer to such rude, inappropriate questions: If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking This answer is on-target because it clearly advises the "asker" of the question that it was not appreciated, and simultaneously yet implicitly explains why you won't be answering


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