105

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit of the parents request by giving a greeting. My personal script for it is, "Hugs, bye-byes or high fives?" (Basically, give a hug, wave goodbye at each other, ...


104

It could be of course of great help if you could get the bouncer to acknowledge the mistake, or at the very least to disclose where the information come from, but I wouldn't count too much on it. Thankfully, even in absence of this, your social circle can search the local sex offenders registry and note that you are absent of it. As advised for example on ...


87

I'm a trans woman, and have been (still am, potentially :/) the kind of person you describe in your post. First thing to understand is that you literally can't stop them being nervous or uncomfortable. It's just a fact that shopping for gender affirming clothing is scary, because of the way society treats gender nonconformity (GNC). Especially for people ...


81

There's one simple fact that I think is being overlooked here: They invited you to dinner. Generally speaking you don't invite someone to dinner if you want to have a hard conversation, because that could spoil everyone's appetite. A serious conversation, maybe, but not an accusatory one. I personally feel based on the information provided that there's ...


69

This is my premise: A roommate has the right to be sparing and conservative with their spending A roommate has the right to spend their money as they please, as long as they meet their agreed-upon contributions to the household I presume that there is a slight difference in economic status among the roommates. This will cause inevitable disagreements. If ...


46

I've been in a similar situation and by my experience the #1 thing you need right now are a few allies. You won't be able to resolve this all by yourself. I had a good friend on the scene who is also a great IPS person and he came with me and we managed to resolve the situation before the event was over. After the fact, things are more tough. The situation ...


44

I've lived with roommates several times, and sometimes finances and desires varied within the group. The key idea that worked for us is: there is no household property. Rather, you own that couch and somebody else owns that dining table and chairs and someone else owns those nice dishes and someone else owns the big TV and so on. You all have different ...


38

Warning: this is an arm-twisted way of solving the situation and it could damage your relationship with them. I have anxiety issues. Sometimes, people want me to go somewhere but, in my eyes, they aren't giving me enough information. Not having enough information can cause me a lot of (otherwise avoidable) stress and I don't like that. That's why, when the ...


33

I was taught this as part of my training to be at a conference on behalf of the conference organizers. Talking to people is part of the job, and in fact standing at a booth for people to come and talk to you is often part of the job. And you get people who love to talk and will not take hints. The vital step is to stop hinting and clearly communicate that ...


32

I worked as a sales clerk in clothing about 15 years ago and we did have the occasional male presenting person shopping for female branded clothes. One of the things you already picked up on is not asking who they are shopping for. Don’t make an extra fuss about it, just greet them as you would any other customer and tell them you are around if they need ...


28

I'm going to try to answer the question, since I think I have some insight -- however I recognize that the question is very broad and my answer may not apply to all situations. The conversation you posted feels really familiar to me, because I'm often the one in your fiancee's position in conversations with my partner. So I will try to answer based on what'...


27

I have good news for you, according to research done at the University of Minnesota, it's not the American way to accept a compliment. In fact, Americans rarely accept compliments. Deflecting or rejecting compliments negates the implication that the addressee is superior to the speaker in any way. In American English, the preference of response strategies ...


24

This is a tricky situation. Your nephew found out not because she told him, but because he overheard some strangers' conversation and went online checking. I don't think something good could possibly come out of "hey, I found out online that you're doing porn - are you okay?" I have a friend who was an escort for a few years. Although he started doing this ...


24

Short answer: Personally, my reactions to messing up a word vary from nothing to immediate (but not exclaiming) correction, depending on the kind of word I messed up, how much I messed it up, and the reaction of the audience to me messing up. Big technical words uttered in important meetings get an immediate clarification, at other points I just carry on if ...


22

The answer here lies in building your own narrative. Right now, the prevailing narrative is that Anne met up with you at a bar and you were kicked to the curb for being a sex offender. Anne, shocked at learning this, is then spreading the news out of concern for other unaware people who know you. Not only is the information Anne's spreading blatantly false, ...


21

I have a number of trans woman friends who have shopped for women's clothing while still being male-presenting. One important thing, as I think you've realized, is not to be too enthusiastic towards them -- treat them as you would any other (female-presenting) customer. If you start telling them how happy or excited you are for them, that's probably just ...


19

In my experience, though this does depends on both the area you live (the US is a big place) and the kind of establishment you are in. I have most US experience on the west coast (and the mid west) so will give my perspective there. In a casual or fast food place, this is generally fine, I would not hesitate to do this in say, a Subway, Costco or Burger ...


19

I wil advocate against any welcoming strategy. The best way how to approach "different" people is not to care for their "difference" at all. Treat every customer as anyone else - no matter their skin colour, preferences, clothing, eye colour, hair length. Being oversupportive is as bad as treating "others" as creepy ones. In both cases one is drawing ...


17

First, you need to think very carefully about the logic you intend to use. For example "I think it's dirty and unhygienic so I don't want it in my bedroom but you all should be fine with it being in the common area" is illogical. If it's gross and dirty, then why should they have to put up with it? If it's fine, then why can't it be in your room? You may ...


17

There's a couple things that could be going on, and if your friends aren't forthcoming on questions beforehand, you won't know until you get there. That said, my first suggestion is that if you have a really bad feeling about this, don't go. You don't even have to make up an excuse. Tell them that if you don't have at least some idea what this is about, you ...


15

How can I ask someone in a quiet library to stop clearing their throat? Any nice and polite approach will help talking to this person. A quick written note is the best, because of the "quiet area" where this happens. You may also talk to any staff member, and ask them if they're aware of what occurs, and if there's a nice way to take care of it. But, ...


14

From what she said, she wants to become a citizen and be a pathway for other relatives to come to the US. Her begging went as far as offering to pay me. This would be immigration fraud. Absolutely do not accept money for marriage; you can go to prison for it. If her goal in getting married is to circumvent US immigration laws, then she is committing fraud ...


14

Be direct, but also casual, and make the invitation about the thing you want to do more than about doing that thing with her. Platonic, casual, innocent invitations to friendly acquaintances do not mix well with intense thought and planning. Acting awkwardly, nervously, or making a big deal of the invitation or event will cut against the impression you want ...


13

They will typically not care about emotional blackmail, so raising that issue with police will get you nowhere. Someone being an unpleasant person is not a police matter. However, most police departments will send a police officer to escort you to your previous home to pick up your belongings if you feel unsafe doing so on your own. Therefore, I would ...


13

Appeal to emotions Maybe the first thing I would recommend would be to stay really grounded on how you feel. To make it OK for you not to want a marriage at this moment of your life. The more aligned you are with your decision, the more sincere (and convincing) you can be, and the more you can avoid hurting her, because this is not about her, it's about how ...


13

I'll preface this answer stating that I am queer, but have not come out to my extended family (what's left of them), aside from having my Facebook name match my new name and being friends with my cousins there. Despite being vocal in the past about my identity, I don't know what all my family has seen or if they even call me Lux. This answer will be ...


12

There is no graceful way to raise the subject of obesity. Almost anyone who is overweight has had a lifetime of friends, family, acquaintances, and random strangers making sometimes well-meaning but often hurtful comments. That doesn't make for an easy conversational introduction. As for your friend, do you provide them emotional support for other issues? ...


12

I'm a clean(-ish) person and my partner a messy and hoarder(-ish) person. We've been living together for a year and a half. Things aren't perfect yet, but we're getting there; it's a process. I was also a messy person until I was 25 years old, so I have an idea of what's it like on the other side. Here are a few things I learned : You can't change someone ...


12

This can be often tricky to get the point across to people. On one hand, you don't want to be too curt or rude, but on the other hand you want the evening/event to end. As someone who enjoys company, but also enjoys having my space following a social interaction, I like to establish the time frame of a get-together prior to the event. If you know how long a ...


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