205

Tell her exactly what you've written above. That you're "not comfortable having a child out there whose life I have no part in". If she tries to engage in a debate, remember that you don't owe her an explanation beyond that. I would absolutely not engage in a debate along the lines of "what if you could visit" or anything of the sort. When it comes to these ...


205

I realize this may not be the way you wish to go about it, but I did admire one way a fellow coworker handled these situations; with every type of prejudiced joke. What he would do is pretend not to understand. "I don't get it. Why is this funny?" Having to explain a joke is bad enough, but having to explain a (usually bad) perceived characteristic of any ...


204

Anne is clearly a fervent believer in saving power. In fact, one might go far enough as to call her a fanatic based on your description. And your mistake has been making concessions, and validating her attitude by apologizing for small, everyday things. Now she feels that she is entitled, and morally "in the right" to leave you strongly worded messages, ...


194

I think your problem here is the word "luxury." Not only would the line flow just as well if you cut it out, but it's insinuating that the person emailing you isn't as busy as you are. It's probably being taken as "not everyone has the luxury of free time at work like you do," which I don't think you're trying to convey. Instead, that line could be ...


171

No intention to be harsh, but: Just suck it up and say "thanks". There are so many things I think are odd or unneeded, but society dictates that those habits are polite, despite my personal opinion. A very simple "thanks" suffices. You don't need to thank them with a whole sentence, just some positive sounding word to acknowledge their ...


162

Keep this in mind: recruiters are salespeople. They get paid when positions get filled. They want to pursue potential opportunities and not go after something that won't work. That said, showing that they're wasting their time on you is not rude. It saves them time and enables them to pursue a potential sale and not pursue someone who is not interested. ...


161

The only way this is rude is your belief that a programmer is better than a tech [you mention it feels like a minimization of your job when people think you're a tech.] I don't mean you're rude to believe that , but if you do believe that, then correcting people, "I'm not that lesser thing, I'm this superior thing" can feel rude. Solution: speak as though ...


148

As a woman who used to tend bar, I've dealt with a lot of intrusive questions at work, mostly from customers. A lot of men want to take home the bartender and many of them can be quite pushy about it. Off the clock, I could just walk away from guys like this, but at work I had to be polite in rejecting these advances and it was sometimes pretty difficult. ...


147

In these situations you want to put people on the spot without setting them on fire (because being too confrontational in the workplace can be an issue). Next time you see him doing this, I'd say: "Excuse me, can I help you?" (Or even without the 'excuse me' bit if you just want to be direct) "Um... No, I'm just passing through." "...


141

As you have already indicated, you do not owe your former employer anything outside of any official contract you have signed. If you look at it from the other perspective, you could certainly not expect your employer to pay you for work that you did not do. In order to politely indicate that you are no longer available to perform tasks for him, you could say ...


136

You need to work on your written communication skills. Being logical and factual has nothing to do with it. You're implying that you can't be logical and factual as well as tactful in your emails. That's simply not true. Let's look at why the example was wrong: the luxury of time Time spent doing your job is not a luxury. This phrase implies that ...


135

I would just straight up tell them how it is: Sorry, but I would prefer that you don't know where I work. I feel like you haven't handled this information very professionally in the past [like showing up at work for no reason or disrupting service]. They might want to have a way to contact you during the day, so propose contact via mobile phone. This ...


131

I think you already said all that really needed to be said when you said: No. "No" is a complete sentence. You're not always required to justify yourself when saying "no". I think this qualifies as one of those situations. A coworker assumed that you would be doing something that you hadn't actually agreed to do, and further overstepped by telling ...


129

Something that worked for me, when I was working in construction, was to subtly redirect the rant. It was effective against a wide variety of divisive rants and it has helped me survive a number of US election cycles since then. A person on a hateful rant usually doesn't care so much about what kind of hateful rant it is, so if you drop a bug in their ear ...


118

It's hard to deal with someone in a respectful manner if they themselves are not giving you respect. In this situation I would recommend being blunt and get directly to the point when refusing him. This answer from the Workplace SE has some great advice about the situation. So, in addition to writing things down after they happen each time, start ...


111

I am an atheist, I know many atheists and people of other religions personally and have witnessed many "discussions" turn into full on yelling matches, which is why I refuse to participate unless I am talking with a close friend. That is, I will not bring up the subject. However, if anyone else mentions it, I make a point of saying something. Rhetorical ...


109

Tell them just what you told us. Arguing is obviously not productive. My sister is attempting to become a vegan, and many of my friends and teammates are either vegans or vegetarians. I've found that debating the point is not at all productive - not because vegans are argumentative, but because there's no objectively right answer to whether or not a person ...


102

Give him a quote (as in, a cost estimate), based on how many hours you'll need to write it. I'm not kidding. Writing the article wasn't on your job contract. So he's hiring you as a subcontractor to do some work (ie, write an article for him). Well, in his mind the words "hiring" may not sound exactly like that, more like "exploit" since he wants you to do ...


92

How do I ... earn his respect ...? Short and sweet: Don't. As long as he isn't outright rude, derogatory, mean, hostile, you name it - treat him with respect to follow your ethics, and let him follow his. Do not lecture, preach, teach manners. Chances are that he is behaving like this towards everybody, and it has nothing to do with you, but with him. ...


91

I am going to slightly challenge the frame of your question, in that a more useful way to think about this interchange is to focus on it as professional handling of a difference of understanding rather than the discovery of the client's colour-blindness. You have stated that: The client got frustrated because he was thinking my colleague was joking with him....


88

I absolutely agree with @AK_is_curious that a straightforward approach is best, but I would recommend being even more direct than their answer suggests. I'm not going to give you that information. don't apologise for this, just make the statement. In the past you used those details in a way that was inappropriate and had workplace consequences for ...


87

First of all, you've stated you asked 'where do you want to go' and that if he answers 'Wherever', you have asked if there are restrictions/preferences on his side. I don't know how you asked, but sometimes, what I call 'the toddler approach' might work best: Offer them two choices, and have them pick what they want. So: Where do you want to go today? I'm ...


87

How can I interrupt a colleague, and stop them from discussing work with me until after my lunch break without being rude? Especially if you're eating a hot meal, where I'm from (Netherlands) it's perfectly fine to say something like: 'Sorry, I'll be with you in < however long your lunch break will last >. Right now, I'd prefer to eat my meal before ...


83

I feel like what you did is one of the most positive things you can do in this situation for a couple of vital reasons. You avoided escalating an awkward situation into a heated debate You want to avoid this in your workplace. Putting him in a position to explain what he meant by the comment leaves him feeling uncomfortable, like he possibly could've gotten ...


82

You just say, "I'm honored you thought of this. I'm sorry, that's not possible" and don't offer any further explanation or reason. Generally people want reasons to try to work around them; if you just don't want to do it then there's no need to offer a reason. Keep this in mind: in one recent case, the donor had to pay child support. Are you willing to ...


76

It sounds like your boss is a little nosier than many, but you don't need to reveal details. I've used the following framing when I've needed to request days off but didn't want to say way (for example, because I had an interview scheduled with another employer): I need to be able to take off $date for an important commitment that can't be rescheduled. ...


75

I've had to deal with this issue in a few different contexts, from friends to people I've dated, even with complete strangers... My approach is usually pretty simple and direct. I respect your decision to be vegan, but I am not a vegan, nor do I intend to become one. If they persist, sometimes likening their approach to evangelists will get them to ...


74

Since you're sure this isn't some automated out-of-office notice script running haywire, you probably should have a word with the person in question. Phrase it not as you being annoyed by them (even though you are) because that could come across as unintentionally insulting. I suggest something like this, addressed to the dev himself and him only: I ...


72

Your senior already gave you the answer: He denied and said that we'll consider that if they ask us on their own. Just relay that to the client: Hey, I talked with my senior and he said we'll have to do this through more official channels. You'll have to request this feature from him yourself. I can help you draft up a description, if you like.


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