I am old, so perhaps a little cynical. I am wondering what it is about you that makes you feel compelled to maintain this relationship? What I am getting at is this seems to be a very casual relationship, and the level it is at does not seem to make you happy, or maybe better said leaves you apprehensive about the relationship.

What I would like to suggest to you is that the problem your having here is within you, and has nothing to do with this other person. By suggesting that I am suggesting that the solution to your problem here rests entirely with you and has nothing to do with this other person.

Your question deals with how you can get her to change her behavior a bit to solve your problems with the relationship. You would like her to give you a bit more time. I would bet that if she was so inclined as to post about her problem she might be saying that she really likes her online friend but wishes he would give her a little more space and ask how she can do that without messing things up between the friendship.

Friendships get trying when one or the other starts being needy about the relationship, then starts laying down terms and gentle manipulation of the other person. She will resent you if you keep trying to suggest she needs to change for you or you keep sending unwelcome messages. I am just saying plainly that if you need her to change to make you happier, she will sorely disappoint you, as anybody will.

Since I mentioned an unwanted message let me give you some sense what an unwanted message is. If you just message her "hi", she will know intuitively if that is a sincere hello friend, or a needy message to see if she says hi back. I swear people know this. Oh yeah the needy "hi" is an unwanted message.

So lets get back to you. It is you that needs to own your own happiness. She can't, and if you insist that she needs to, she will not, people are stubborn that way. Your life should be rich and content with or without this friend. The less you expect from this or any friend the less they will disappoint and the more joy you will have because they are your friend when you get the unexpected from them. In other words just take it for what it is worth and enjoy it for what it is. If you can't like it for what it is, that is your problem and not hers. If you clearly feel that something needs to change for this relationship to be right, your choice is really that you change or the relationship ends. The only change you need to make is to own your own happiness. There is nothing else that really works in the long run.

Peace,

I am old, so perhaps a little cynical. I am wondering what it is about you that makes you feel compelled to maintain this relationship? What I am getting at is this seems to be a very casual relationship, and the level it is at does not seem to make you happy, or maybe better said leaves you apprehensive about the relationship.

What I would like to suggest to you is that the problem you're having here is within you, and has nothing to do with this other person. By suggesting that I am suggesting that the solution to your problem here rests entirely with you and has nothing to do with this other person.

Your question deals with how you can get her to change her behavior a bit to solve your problems with the relationship. You would like her to give you a bit more time. I would bet that if she was so inclined as to post about her problem she might be saying that she really likes her online friend but wishes he would give her a little more space and ask how she can do that without messing things up between the friendship.

Friendships get trying when one or the other starts being needy about the relationship, then starts laying down terms and gentle manipulation of the other person. She will resent you if you keep trying to suggest she needs to change for you or you keep sending unwelcome messages. I am just saying plainly that if you need her to change to make you happier, she will sorely disappoint you, as anybody will.

Since I mentioned an unwanted message let me give you some sense what an unwanted message is. If you just message her "hi", she will know intuitively if that is a sincere hello friend, or a needy message to see if she says hi back. I swear people know this. Oh yeah the needy "hi" is an unwanted message.

So lets get back to you. It is you that needs to own your own happiness. She can't, and if you insist that she needs to, she will not, people are stubborn that way. Your life should be rich and content with or without this friend. The less you expect from this or any friend the less they will disappoint and the more joy you will have because they are your friend when you get the unexpected from them. In other words just take it for what it is worth and enjoy it for what it is. If you can't like it for what it is, that is your problem and not hers. If you clearly feel that something needs to change for this relationship to be right, your choice is really that you change or the relationship ends. The only change you need to make is to own your own happiness. There is nothing else that really works in the long run.