This is something that I've discussed with a lot of people who are the targets of such comments, and the consensus is that we would like our allies to reply with a short disapproval. Not a long lecture; not an explanation (come on, the speaker knows why what they are saying is rude); not an alternate wording.

My preference is a simple

Not cool

But you might like "really?" or "seriously?" or "don't bring me into that" or whatever else feels right in your mouth.

Nothing to argue with. Nothing to escalate about. Nothing to move this into an argument between you and the speaker. Just express that you are not on board with that.

Do I think you should do it with a stranger at the bus stop? Maybe not. But a coworker? 100%! Please do. In the case of a coworker who is relatively new, (or someone at your user group or conference) you can also try "We don't do that here."

This is something that I've discussed with a lot of people who are the targets of such comments, and the consensus is that we would like our allies to reply with a short disapproval. Not a long lecture; not an explanation (come on, the speaker knows why what they are saying is rude); not an alternate wording.

My preference is a simple

Not cool

But you might like "really?" or "seriously?" or "don't bring me into that" or whatever else feels right in your mouth.

Nothing to argue with. Nothing to escalate about. Nothing to move this into an argument between you and the speaker. Just express that you are not on board with that.

Do I think you should do it with a stranger at the bus stop who is commenting about some other stranger, perhaps one who can't even hear the comment? Maybe not. But a coworker? Especially if the comment is about another coworker? 100%! Please do. In the case of a coworker who is relatively new, (or someone at your user group or conference) you can also try "We don't do that here."

This is something that I've discussed with a lot of people who are the targets of such comments, and the consensus is that we would like our allies to reply with a short disapproval. Not a long lecture; not an explanation (come on, the speaker knows why what they are saying is rude); not an alternate wording.

My preference is a simple

Not cool

But you might like "really?" or "seriously?" or "don't bring me into that" or whatever else feels right in your mouth.

Nothing to argue with. Nothing to escalate about. Nothing to move this into an argument between you and the speaker. Just express that you are not on board with that.

Do I think you should do it with a stranger at the bus stop? Maybe not. But a coworker? 100%! Please do.

This is something that I've discussed with a lot of people who are the targets of such comments, and the consensus is that we would like our allies to reply with a short disapproval. Not a long lecture; not an explanation (come on, the speaker knows why what they are saying is rude); not an alternate wording.

My preference is a simple

Not cool

But you might like "really?" or "seriously?" or "don't bring me into that" or whatever else feels right in your mouth.

Nothing to argue with. Nothing to escalate about. Nothing to move this into an argument between you and the speaker. Just express that you are not on board with that.

Do I think you should do it with a stranger at the bus stop? Maybe not. But a coworker? 100%! Please do. In the case of a coworker who is relatively new, (or someone at your user group or conference) you can also try "We don't do that here."