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• Narcissistic behavior (and the learned behavior by the victims) is very recognizable. If you read other people's stories, you'll notice that it often mirrors experiences you've had (or that sound completely in character for your case). I see a lot if similarities between the example I wrote and your story, for example. It's the same story but with different words.
• It may help him to read through some posts there. The community strongly focuses on explaining why certain things that you're raised to think are normal are most definitely not normal.
• There are many links in the sidebar to resources that help you identify narcissistic behavior, and how to cope with it .

• Narcissistic behavior (and the learned behavior by the victims) is very recognizable. If you read other people's stories, you'll notice that it often mirrors experiences you've had (or that sound completely in character for your case). I see a lot if similarities between the example I wrote and your story, for example. It's the same story but with different words.
• It may help him to read through some posts there. The community strongly focuses on explaining why certain things that you're raised to think are normal are most definitely not normal. Having some random internet stranger tell me something that should've been obvious was actually massively helpful. Often, you don't realize that the (victimized) lesson you learned as a child is wrong, and you never question it until someone points out the obvious flaw in your thinking. For over a decade, I considered my father's violence to be proof of what a problem child I was; even though I was able to argue the opposite point when supporting someone who went through domestic abuse. After a while, you start tricking yourself into believing the abuser's truth.
• There are many links in the sidebar to resources that help you identify narcissistic behavior, and how to cope with it .

• Focus on explaining your perception, without making statement as to what he did or said. Don't dismiss him when he brings up his side, just pull focus to your experience.
• Make a clear distinction between him and his behavior. Make it clear that you're addressing the behavior, not him personally. If he feels targeted, he'll get defensive, and you'd be surprised how strong his defenses can be.
• Acknowledge that his interpretation is a possible explanation, but point out that it's not the only explanation.
• Ask him to identify what triggers the emotional outburst. If he knows what triggers it, he can start intervening on his own behalf.

• Narcissistic behavior (and the learned behavior by the victims) is very recognizable. If you read other people's stories, you'll notice that it often mirrors experiences you've had (or that sound completely in character for your case).
• It may help him to read through some posts there. The community strongly focuses on explaining why certain things that you're raised to think are normal are most definitely not normal.
• There are many links in the sidebar to resources that help you identify narcissistic behavior, and how to cope with it .

• Focus on explaining your perception, without making statements as to what he did or said. Don't dismiss him when he brings up his side. Acknowledge them and explicitly (tell him that you're doing it) pull focus to your experience.
• Make a clear distinction between him and his behavior. Make it clear that you're addressing the behavior, not him personally. If he feels targeted, he'll get defensive, and you'd be surprised how strong his defenses can be.
• Acknowledge that his interpretation is a possible explanation of what you said, but point out that it's not the only possible explanation.
• Ask him to identify what triggers the emotional outburst (I'm pretty sure it's being dismissed; but the point of the question is to get him to find the answer himself. He needs to self-reflect). If he knows what triggers it, he can start intervening on his own behalf.

• Narcissistic behavior (and the learned behavior by the victims) is very recognizable. If you read other people's stories, you'll notice that it often mirrors experiences you've had (or that sound completely in character for your case). I see a lot if similarities between the example I wrote and your story, for example. It's the same story but with different words.
• It may help him to read through some posts there. The community strongly focuses on explaining why certain things that you're raised to think are normal are most definitely not normal.
• There are many links in the sidebar to resources that help you identify narcissistic behavior, and how to cope with it .

A simple example of how this can escalate, I'll use an altered (for personal privacy) example of my father:

• I'm listening to music, relatively loudly (but was allowed since I had a floor to myself)
• My father enters the room, informs me that he's working next door and "either turn down the music, or turn it off".
• As I'm at the end of my playlist, and leaving home in a few minutes anyway, I turn the music off. I'm not upset about it.
• My father storms back in, red faced, screaming at me for punishing him. How childish I am for turning down the music when he would've wanted some background music while he worked.
• I reply that he told me to either turn it down or off. He could've asked me to just turn it down.
• He denies that he ever said that, and threatens me (without specifying) that I shouldn't lie about things he does.
• I said that I would've happily queued some more music or given him the computer after I left.
• He interupts me, takes my ice skates (which I needed to go out), breaks them, and ground me for insubordination.

Looking back on in now, fifteen years down the line, I see that his reaction displays a victimization that he then subjected me to: he felt randomly punished, I did not agree with his version of events (to him, that is dismissing him), and he therefore enacts a random punishment on me.

If it is, then the next step is to get him to acknowledge that his response, while feeling justified to his point of view, is not something you've deserved. You are not his abuser, even if you sometimes end up touching on a sensitive topic.

This is your choice. Either work through it with him; or don't.

A simple example of how this can escalate, I'll use an personal example:

• I'm listening to music, relatively loudly (but was allowed since I had a floor to myself)
• My father enters the room, informs me that he's working next door and "either turn down the music, or turn it off".
• As I'm at the end of my playlist, and leaving home in a few minutes anyway, I turn the music off. I'm not upset about it.
• My father storms back in, red faced, screaming at me for punishing him. How childish I am for turning down the music when he would've wanted some background music while he worked.
• I reply that he told me to either turn it down or off. He could've asked me to just turn it down.
• He denies that he ever said that, and threatens me (without specifying) that I shouldn't lie about things he does.
• I said that I would've happily queued some more music or given him the computer after I left.
• He interupts me, takes my ice skates (which I needed to go out), breaks them, and grounds me for insubordination.

It didn't happen in this case, but had I then escalated due to him breaking my ice skates (or in any other way refused to yield after being punished), he wouldn've resorted to outright violence.

Looking back on in now, fifteen years down the line, I see that his reaction displays a victimization that he then subjected me to: he felt randomly punished, I did not agree with his version of events (to him, that is dismissing him), and he therefore enacts a random punishment on me.

Important
It is possible that he doesn't (yet) acknowledge past abuse, or sees it differently. Until I was 25, I was somehow unaware of my father's unacceptable behavior. It took a friend to repeatedly explain why certain past events were abusive and not just "me being a difficult teen", before I started realizing it myself.

If it is the case, then the next step is to get him to acknowledge that his response, while feeling justified to his point of view, is not something you've deserved. You are not his abuser, even if you sometimes end up touching on a sensitive topic.

This is your choice.

Assuming you work through it with him, this will be a gradual process. He'll be sensitive to being pushed around, and therefore won't accept you pushing him towards a more healthy behavior. It needs to be voluntary.

• Focus on explaining your perception, without making statement as to what he did or said. Don't dismiss him when he brings up his side, just pull focus to your experience.
• Make a clear distinction between him and his behavior. Make it clear that you're addressing the behavior, not him personally. If he feels targeted, he'll get defensive, and you'd be surprised how strong his defenses can be.
• Acknowledge that his interpretation is a possible explanation, but point out that it's not the only explanation.
• Ask him to identify what triggers the emotional outburst. If he knows what triggers it, he can start intervening on his own behalf.

This subject matter is deep and wide. I suggest reaching out to online communities such as /r/raisedbynarcissists.

• Narcissistic behavior (and the learned behavior by the victims) is very recognizable. If you read other people's stories, you'll notice that it often mirrors experiences you've had (or that sound completely in character for your case).
• It may help him to read through some posts there. The community strongly focuses on explaining why certain things that you're raised to think are normal are most definitely not normal.
• There are many links in the sidebar to resources that help you identify narcissistic behavior, and how to cope with it .