It is quite normal for a happy, functional couple to have different interests and enjoy different things. The secret to a successful relationship can be more about how you deal with differences than about the things you have in common. We are all individuals.

I know some people will say this is a generalisation, but on the whole, men and women do tend to like different things. Of course there are women who like football just as much as guys, and sure there are men who like nothing more than going to the spa for a treatment. But numbers don't lie, and more couples will tell you that they have at least some differing interests than claim they have everything in common.

From my own experience: my wife and I have a number of things we like to do together - activities out of the home and things we both like to watch on TV. I have a few nerdy interests of my own that she isn't interested in; likewise, she has hobbies and interests of her own. If I say I want to spend time doing something she doesn't like, she sees that as a chance to do her own thing, and vice-versa. I think that is quite healthy. If she has ever complained about me doing something she doesn't like, for example watching Doctor Who, I just jokingly say "it's my 'football'", which she finds funny and totally understands. It is so common that men spend time away from their wives and girlfriends watching/playing football that it's a cliche. Personally, I can't stand football, and I've found making that connection helpful because my wife knows from the experience of her friends that this is "normal".

So your girlfriend not liking video games while you do like them is neither unusual nor a problem in itself. The problem is really how she deals with this. It seems like she actually opposes you playing them to the point that you feel you have to stop.

My first suggested approach is to see if you can soften her stance towards them. You need to find out:

• Is it video games themselves that she is opposed to, or does she just dislike the time you devote to them? (which, if you're being honest, isn't that much)
• If you had a different interest - say, sports - would she allow you the time to devote to that?

If you already do spend time doing other things that she is not interested and do not encounter any resistance then you already have an answer to these. If not, just ask her outright:

Is there another pastime that I could do instead of playing video games? If I joined a gym or a football team, would you be okay with that?

Make sure you use an example of something she would not want to accompany you on. You need to determine if it is just video games she objects to, or the time apart.

If you are sure it is just video games then try reasoning:

You say video games are for nerds. Well, do you think I'm a nerd? Do you think I would change who I am if I stopped playing video games? Don't you love me for who I am anyway?

You may need to call her bluff and actually do something else that takes you away from her for a time - maybe play a one-off game of sports or something. See how she deals with it.

If after all this you come to believe that she is just being clingy then you need to talk this out too. Not to escalate this too much, but if she is just "jealous" of the time you spend on something without her, she may have some deep-seated insecurities that could even call for a bit of counselling. But don't be too alarmed - many younger people, as well as people of any age in new relationships, can be a little insecure. Make sure that as well as spending time on your own hobbies and interests that you make plenty of time to do things together as well. Reassure her of your feelings as often as you can. If she doesn't have any hobbies or interests of her own, encourage her to find something. And if she does, show an interest in it. In my own experience, a comparison helps my wife understand my enjoyment of something she doesn't like. If your girlfriend won't even discuss video games, getting her to relate to your interest by comparing with an interest of her own, or maybe even another common male interest that she does understand, is a way of "discussing it without discussing it" and might even help soften towards video games.