When visiting my girlfriend's family, my girlfriend and I will typically situsually wind up on a couch with the typical light-cuddling of a couple in a room with other people, like legs--legs across the other's lap, leaning on each other, arms around shoulders, and etc.
Thing is, her sistershe and her sister also tend to do that stuff too when the two of them are on a couch together. When that happens, I don't presume to join them. I don't want to make her sister uncomfortable. But when my girlfriend and I are like that already on the couch, her sister has no hesitation about piling onproblem with hopping in and making it a cuddle pile. But then
However, even though she made it this way, the sister seems somewhat uncomfortable with her and I touching anywhere, even though she made it that way, and seems really uncomfortable whenever I move in any way that changes even slightly how we are touching, even slightly--even if I'm moving away from her.
I don't want her to do this if she's gonna be uncomfortable and thereby make me uncomfortable. I also don't want to 'lose territory' on my SO to her, like when I have my arm around my SO, and have to take it off to do something for a second, and then when I go to put it back, her sister's arm is now there, and her body language is not inviting our arms to both be there. I don't like that.
How can I effectively talk to her sister about this?
My question for interpersonalgoal is how to talk to her sister about this. Should I bring it up at a random time like "hey I think we should talk about this" or should I say something more casual in the moment like "hey my arm was there". I don't really know what I would say in the moment without being awkward, because there is so much I don't know about what's going on, andset boundaries so many valid options for howthat we could resolve this. I don't know if she's the one who's really uncomfortable, or she thinks I am, or she's worried about offending her sister. I don't know if she could potentially see us being relaxed about this, but isn't just because we haven't talked about it, or whether she thinks we always have to fundamentally be like oil and water. I'd be fine with setting boundaries such that her and I don't touch. In that case I'd feel more comfortable telling her "I was here first" when I need to. I'd also be fineuncomfortable with setting boundaries such that I know what is appropriate contact between us. In that case I'd feel okay putting my arm back where it was despite it now laying on top of hers, and wouldn't be constantly losing the cuddling cold war and sometimes entirely losing my place on the couch because I don't know what to doeach other. But howHow do I open this discussion? I don't want to creep her out obviously and I want to emphasize that I'm not trying to cuddle her, I just feel uncomfortable, but like not because I'd feel uncomfortable with us touching, but because I dunno how she feels. How should I talk to hercan we have a conversation about this?
