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Reread question, realized I needed to talk more about a point.
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Ed Grimm
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I'm really concerned for you. I know you're in a difficult situation right now. I know I would need help if I were in your situation. I understand you're not comfortable coming to me for help about this, but I think you should talk to somebody about this.

This is part of an answer. I'm trying to remember the rest, but it was over 25 years ago. I was actually a bystander for this. The person speaking was a former roommate, and the person receiving was part of his "it's complicated." It didn't work out as well as he would have hoped, but that was only because her answer was basically, "Yeah, I tried going for professional help; I've exhausted my options on those."

There are a lot of people who would have extra difficulty with hearing this from an ex, but from the breakup you've described, I'm not sure, but I don't think that would be a problem in your case. It is probably important that you don't suggest/introduce attempting to get back together with her while she's having these difficulties. If she suggests it... I think I'd want to tread very carefully, not speaking for or against the idea.

If she accused you of trying to get back together again, I think the response I've seen work best is,

I'm not thinking about that at all right now, one way or the other. I'm thinking about a friend who is in a rough situation I don't think I can help with. I'd like to help, but I understand I really can't do anything significant. So I'm trying to see if I can at least help in an insignificant way, because that's all I got left.

I'm really concerned for you. I know you're in a difficult situation right now. I know I would need help if I were in your situation. I understand you're not comfortable coming to me for help about this, but I think you should talk to somebody about this.

This is part of an answer. I'm trying to remember the rest, but it was over 25 years ago. I was actually a bystander for this. The person speaking was a former roommate, and the person receiving was part of his "it's complicated." It didn't work out as well as he would have hoped, but that was only because her answer was basically, "Yeah, I tried going for professional help; I've exhausted my options on those."

There are a lot of people who would have extra difficulty with hearing this from an ex, but from the breakup you've described, I'm not sure, but I don't think that would be a problem in your case. It is probably important that you don't suggest/introduce attempting to get back together with her while she's having these difficulties. If she suggests it... I think I'd want to tread very carefully, not speaking for or against the idea.

I'm really concerned for you. I know you're in a difficult situation right now. I know I would need help if I were in your situation. I understand you're not comfortable coming to me for help about this, but I think you should talk to somebody about this.

This is part of an answer. I'm trying to remember the rest, but it was over 25 years ago. I was actually a bystander for this. The person speaking was a former roommate, and the person receiving was part of his "it's complicated." It didn't work out as well as he would have hoped, but that was only because her answer was basically, "Yeah, I tried going for professional help; I've exhausted my options on those."

There are a lot of people who would have extra difficulty with hearing this from an ex, but from the breakup you've described, I'm not sure, but I don't think that would be a problem in your case. It is probably important that you don't suggest/introduce attempting to get back together with her while she's having these difficulties. If she suggests it... I think I'd want to tread very carefully, not speaking for or against the idea.

If she accused you of trying to get back together again, I think the response I've seen work best is,

I'm not thinking about that at all right now, one way or the other. I'm thinking about a friend who is in a rough situation I don't think I can help with. I'd like to help, but I understand I really can't do anything significant. So I'm trying to see if I can at least help in an insignificant way, because that's all I got left.

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Ed Grimm
  • 1.8k
  • 10
  • 22

I'm really concerned for you. I know you're in a difficult situation right now. I know I would need help if I were in your situation. I understand you're not comfortable coming to me for help about this, but I think you should talk to somebody about this.

This is part of an answer. I'm trying to remember the rest, but it was over 25 years ago. I was actually a bystander for this. The person speaking was a former roommate, and the person receiving was part of his "it's complicated." It didn't work out as well as he would have hoped, but that was only because her answer was basically, "Yeah, I tried going for professional help; I've exhausted my options on those."

There are a lot of people who would have extra difficulty with hearing this from an ex, but from the breakup you've described, I'm not sure, but I don't think that would be a problem in your case. It is probably important that you don't suggest/introduce attempting to get back together with her while she's having these difficulties. If she suggests it... I think I'd want to tread very carefully, not speaking for or against the idea.