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Sybille Peters
Sybille Peters
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Resources:

There are very few books I can recommend but a number of people basically write the same thing. Here are some online resources that relate to the things I mentioned above.

However, I would strongly advise against using "formulas" especially if it goes against what you believe in. That won't work well. Use it as inspiration, do what works for you and good luck ...

Resources:

about nonviolent communication:

I would like to add: NVC may seem weird at first because it completely contradicts what we are used to. It is not based on some religious faith, it is not a sect or a cult. It is just something which "really works" in my personal experience if you are a little open. However, it does need some practices and you may not want to use it in all social settings. But it is also something you can do only in your head, to separate your own thoughts, feelings, needs from your judgments. You will become more self-aware which might be helpful, without even having to change your communication style.

 

Resources:

There are very few books I can recommend but a number of people basically write the same thing. Here are some online resources that relate to the things I mentioned above.

However, I would strongly advise against using "formulas" especially if it goes against what you believe in. That won't work well. Use it as inspiration, do what works for you and good luck ...

about nonviolent communication:

I would like to add: NVC may seem weird at first because it completely contradicts what we are used to. It is not based on some religious faith, it is not a sect or a cult. It is just something which "really works" in my personal experience if you are a little open. However, it does need some practices and you may not want to use it in all social settings. But it is also something you can do only in your head, to separate your own thoughts, feelings, needs from your judgments. You will become more self-aware which might be helpful, without even having to change your communication style.

I would strongly advise against using "formulas" especially if it goes against what you believe in. That won't work well. Use it as inspiration, do what works for you and good luck ...

Resources:

Add resources
Source Link
Sybille Peters
Sybille Peters
  • 155
  • 6

Resources:

There are very few books I can recommend but a number of people basically write the same thing. Here are some online resources that relate to the things I mentioned above.

However, I would strongly advise against using "formulas" especially if it goes against what you believe in. That won't work well. Use it as inspiration, do what works for you and good luck ...

general communication tips

about nonviolent communication:

I would like to add: NVC may seem weird at first because it completely contradicts what we are used to. It is not based on some religious faith, it is not a sect or a cult. It is just something which "really works" in my personal experience if you are a little open. However, it does need some practices and you may not want to use it in all social settings. But it is also something you can do only in your head, to separate your own thoughts, feelings, needs from your judgments. You will become more self-aware which might be helpful, without even having to change your communication style.

Resources:

There are very few books I can recommend but a number of people basically write the same thing. Here are some online resources that relate to the things I mentioned above.

However, I would strongly advise against using "formulas" especially if it goes against what you believe in. That won't work well. Use it as inspiration, do what works for you and good luck ...

general communication tips

about nonviolent communication:

I would like to add: NVC may seem weird at first because it completely contradicts what we are used to. It is not based on some religious faith, it is not a sect or a cult. It is just something which "really works" in my personal experience if you are a little open. However, it does need some practices and you may not want to use it in all social settings. But it is also something you can do only in your head, to separate your own thoughts, feelings, needs from your judgments. You will become more self-aware which might be helpful, without even having to change your communication style.

Source Link
Sybille Peters
Sybille Peters
  • 155
  • 6

There are already some good answers here, but most of them give general advice about instant messaging. While I do agree, you cannot always expect a response right away, the examples given in the question are examples that do warrant a speedy reply and it is annoying to have to wait:

  1. The first example describes the other person initiating the idea of working together. And this person does not reply to a question asking for more clarification. A similar thing happened to me recently and does not feel respectful to be left dangling.
  2. The second example is about meeting up on the same day with a friend (not a casual acquaintance).

The question above is not just about IM, it is about respect between potential business partners and friends.

Here are some things I would suggest:

  1. While you cannot impose your boundaries on others you can state them and hope for the best. Do not expect too much. If you get a good reaction: good. If not, write it off, refine your skills, try again.
  2. In general, defining boundaries, getting feedback about your interactions or relationship etc. are better-done face to face. Pick one concrete thing at a time you are unhappy about, talk about yourself and what you want (or rather wish for), do not generalize or dramatize ("you never answer on time"), do not attack ("you are a horrible person"), stay calm, separate facts from interpretations (fact: "You did not answer last Wednesday" interpretation: "you are disrespectful"). These are general communication tips. Read up on this elsewhere. You might also want to check out "nonviolent communication" by Marshal Rosenberg.
  3. I don't think everyone complies to the same netiquette on IM. I think that is something that must be negotiated on a person-by-person basis. My friends know, they cannot expect a quick answer on emails or IM. If something is important, they know they can always call me on the phone. We also sometimes set up a time for phone calls in advance. This works very well.
  4. In general, the nature of IM seems to be that it is considered ok by a number of people not to have to answer right away, answer at all and not say good bye after a conversation. If you are uncomfortable with this, switch to other methods for things that are important to you (e.g. phone).
  5. For unimportant things, try to deal with it not always working the way you wish it would. It's (often) not personal. It's the communication form.
  6. For friends: Carefully try to find out why they act this way. You may be considered as being too pushy. It might be the other person setting their boundaries by not answering. However, there is no way to know (except asking). Again, I would do this in person (face-to-face). See number 2 for general communication tips.
  7. Choose your friends and business partners well. If it feels disrespectful, it sometimes is. No need to waste more time there. But you should not blow up small things out of proportion. No one can give you advice for that: you have to decide for yourself what is ok for you.