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Stilez
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Source: personal experience of closest friend taking a friend as a "temporary" housemate and being driven to despair when it quickly became obvious temporary meant semi permanent in reality. Following that, I gave the same advice as I've written here, to 2 other friends considering "helping out a friend" with a room, and in each case the outcome was along the lines of "thanks, I didn't know how to say no, and I didn't see the problem down the line". That first case, the friendship was destroyed by the incident. The other 2 it survived. But how to.say it is as important as what to say - to know how to.set boundaries and draw lines. I've learned that as part of an open lifestyle where boundaries and communication are critical, and use the styles described almost daily as needed, they work very well.

Source: personal experience of closest friend taking a friend as a "temporary" housemate and being driven to despair when it quickly became obvious temporary meant semi permanent in reality. Following that, I gave the same advice as I've written here, to 2 other friends considering "helping out a friend" with a room, and in each case the outcome was along the lines of "thanks, I didn't know how to say no, and I didn't see the problem down the line". That first case, the friendship was destroyed by the incident. The other 2 it survived. But how to.say it is as important as what to say - to know how to.set boundaries and draw lines. I've learned that as part of an open lifestyle where boundaries and communication are critical, and use the styles described almost daily as needed, they work very well.

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Stilez
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Notice it's not vague, and not open to ambiguity. Its very direct; it's a statement of how things are, and not the prelude to a re-negotiation. That's deliberate. That also makes it the hardest thing to say, but you'll need to be that direct and honest.

That's how to start. After that, is down to you, so I can only give ideas..... some or any of these may help.

That's how to start. After that, is down to you, so I can only give ideas..... some or any of these may help.

Notice it's not vague, and not open to ambiguity. Its very direct; it's a statement of how things are, and not the prelude to a re-negotiation. That's deliberate. That also makes it the hardest thing to say, but you'll need to be that direct and honest.

That's how to start. After that, is down to you, so I can only give ideas..... some or any of these may help.

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Stilez
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I'm also reluctant because of the contradiction in your own request.

You have 6 months notice. It's a long time. If you can find somewhere else within 6 months, you won't need my help anyway. But if you honestly can't find somewhere else in 6 months, what does that imply about the chances you'll only stay 2 weeks after that? If you sincerely look for 6 months, and fail, the odds have to be that you might not find anywhere for another few months. Or more. A year or 2.

So your own question says to me, there is almost no scenario where you stay here and only need to stay a couple of weeks. If you stay, its because you failed to find somewhere after 6 months, meaning it's that hard to find somewhere, and you'll need to stay semi permanently. Isn't that true? (get his agreement, yeah, that's probably how it would go).

If we do that, we're both fucked, I'll want to evict you for my own wellbeing, you'll have nowhere to go, we get stuck into lawyers... I value our friendship enough that I'm not going to go that route. A situation we can't easily put right.

You have 6 months till you actually have a problem. If you can't find a home in that time, you've got a problem that I can't help fix.

(Note - if you do let anyone stay temporarily for a while, look up "licence to occupy" - that's the legal term for when you let someone stay but they don't get any rights to stay against your wishes, like a sitting tenant might. There are forms and templates online for these as well, which may help.)

I'm also reluctant because of the contradiction in your own request.

You have 6 months notice. It's a long time. If you can find somewhere else within 6 months, you won't need my help anyway. But if you honestly can't find somewhere else in 6 months, what does that imply about the chances you'll only stay 2 weeks after that? If you sincerely look for 6 months, and fail, the odds have to be that you might not find anywhere for another few months. Or more.

So your own question says to me, there is almost no scenario where you stay here and only need to stay a couple of weeks. If you stay, its because you failed to find somewhere after 6 months, meaning it's that hard to find somewhere, and you'll need to stay semi permanently. Isn't that true? (get his agreement, yeah, that's probably how it would go).

If we do that, we're both fucked, I'll want to evict you for my own wellbeing, you'll have nowhere to go, we get stuck into lawyers... I value our friendship enough that I'm not going to go that route. A situation we can't easily put right.

You have 6 months till you actually have a problem. If you can't find a home in that time, you've got a problem that I can't help fix.

I'm also reluctant because of the contradiction in your own request.

You have 6 months notice. It's a long time. If you can find somewhere else within 6 months, you won't need my help anyway. But if you honestly can't find somewhere else in 6 months, what does that imply about the chances you'll only stay 2 weeks after that? If you sincerely look for 6 months, and fail, the odds have to be that you might not find anywhere for another few months. Or more. A year or 2.

So your own question says to me, there is almost no scenario where you stay here and only need to stay a couple of weeks. If you stay, its because you failed to find somewhere after 6 months, meaning it's that hard to find somewhere, and you'll need to stay semi permanently. Isn't that true? (get his agreement, yeah, that's probably how it would go).

If we do that, we're both fucked, I'll want to evict you for my own wellbeing, you'll have nowhere to go, we get stuck into lawyers... I value our friendship enough that I'm not going to go that route. A situation we can't easily put right.

You have 6 months till you actually have a problem. If you can't find a home in that time, you've got a problem that I can't help fix.

(Note - if you do let anyone stay temporarily for a while, look up "licence to occupy" - that's the legal term for when you let someone stay but they don't get any rights to stay against your wishes, like a sitting tenant might. There are forms and templates online for these as well, which may help.)

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Stilez
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