Timeline for How to explain to someone that expecting a favour from you is rude?
Current License: CC BY-SA 3.0
23 events
| when toggle format | what | by | license | comment | |
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| Oct 15, 2017 at 20:22 | comment | added | Pierre B | The question is also who is the 'female' of the relationship. Maybe your boyfriend thinks this is your role and he adopted a masculine role. | |
| Sep 21, 2017 at 14:03 | vote | accept | Anonymous | ||
| Sep 20, 2017 at 8:39 | comment | added | Anonymous | @Trilarion: He already knows how to make the coffee :) | |
| Sep 20, 2017 at 7:20 | comment | added | NoDataDumpNoContribution | Teach him how to make coffee for himself. Then tell him to it for himself every time he needs a coffee. Maybe tell him that on weekends he gets his coffee if you feel he deserves the treat but not during weekdays because there time is tight anyway. | |
| Sep 20, 2017 at 0:55 | comment | added | StephenG - Help Ukraine | This is a job for a relationship counselor. The internet is not a good place to get advice on these types of issue. What you're describing are symptoms, but the causes could be much harder to get at (and even be more private than you'd want to discuss). So I'd suggest counseling. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 18:22 | comment | added | Bookeater | favour <> privilege... | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 16:00 | answer | added | tln | timeline score: 3 | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 15:13 | comment | added | Anonymous | @Geliormth: Funnily enough, it is instant coffee! On the weekends I use the coffee machine and proper beans though. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 14:23 | comment | added | user2848 | Have you tried giving him "Instant coffee" instead? He might start to appreciate the effort you put in more after he gets that ;) | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 11:45 | answer | added | Upper_Case | timeline score: 28 | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 11:19 | comment | added | AllTheKingsHorses | "I'm not sure he understands, or is being stubborn about it." Well, don't know either - but I've observed/been part of quite a number of conversations between Brits and Germans and quite frequently subtlety and indirect hinting (as far as I (as a non-native speaker) even noticed them) were completely lost on the German side. From time to time being a little more blunt was in order... ;-) | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 10:47 | comment | added | Anonymous | @AllTheKingsHorses: The reason he says he is upset is because 'this is the only thing he expects from me', and notes that I don't do much around the house (I understand this and am willing to work on it; but on the other hand, neither does he). My problem with that is the expectation of me doing something nice for him in the mornings. We still sit together at breakfast, but sometimes I'm in too much of a rush to spend extra time making the coffee. I've tried explaining to him that the expectation comes across rudely, but I'm not sure he understands, or is being stubborn about it. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 10:40 | comment | added | AllTheKingsHorses | After reading your question and threetimes's answer, I'm not clear on why exactly he is upset. Is it about missing your company at breakfast, about not getting some token of love from you, about unevenly shared household chores, or just about him being lazy and expecting you to serve him? Even if his English is very good it may still not come easy to him to eloquently express his feelings in another language. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 10:31 | history | edited | AllTheKingsHorses |
Tagging with location
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| Sep 19, 2017 at 9:39 | history | edited | Anonymous | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
Edited for clarity
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| Sep 19, 2017 at 9:35 | comment | added | Anonymous | @Sachin: I'm under the impression he makes them drinks when he's making them for himself, and occasionally tidies up in the kitchen (which I also do on the weekends when I notice it needs to be done). The only other thing that is equitable is that he keeps our personal living space tidy which he mentioned when I brought this up; but the difference is that I don't expect him to do that, and don't get annoyed when it isn't done. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 9:13 | answer | added | threetimes | timeline score: 13 | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 9:12 | comment | added | Sachin | @Anonymous: Does he also go out of the way to do some favors for you/your parents? How often? | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:38 | comment | added | Anonymous | @Sachin We both pay a small amount of rent based on an agreement with my parents. | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:30 | comment | added | Sachin | @Anonymous: Is he a paying guest at your place? | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:28 | comment | added | Fildor | This is unrelated to culture. This is rude in Germany, too. In fact, I'd expect him to make you breakfast. I think he is being a bit of a what we Germans call "Pascha". | |
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:25 | review | First posts | |||
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:33 | |||||
| Sep 19, 2017 at 8:20 | history | asked | Anonymous | CC BY-SA 3.0 |