Timeline for How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?
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7 events
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| Jan 26, 2018 at 8:53 | comment | added | Flater | @DJClayworth "trust them" is not the same as "trust that their opinion stays the same". If OP told them about her childfree decision, they understood it at the time, and they agree to still date her; then the OP should be able to trust that her partner knows her stance. And if their opinion changes at some point (unforeseeable or not), then the onus is on the partner to voice their change in opinion; as opposed to the OP having to continually check in with them just in case that they changed their mind. That's what I read from the "trust" paragraph in the answer, and it makes sense. | |
| Jan 25, 2018 at 19:58 | comment | added | clark | It would have been "their fault", however the OP would have lost their time and also would get hurt to. I think it is reasonable to ask them why they don't want children, and figure out it they are mature about the topic. Because the OP sounds as if they strongly and maturely believe they don't want children, they should seek whether the other person position could be volatile. Because, the chance of the other person changing their mind would be definitely a deal breaker and hence cause a lot of harm, so spending time finding out if they have really thought about the issue s of big importance. | |
| Jan 25, 2018 at 10:31 | comment | added | Brian H. | In fact, for all we know it's even possible that some event makes OP change her mind, so yeah, trusting is really all one can do in these situations, and hoping that if a change of mind occurs, that it's a synchronised thing, although that might be less likely. | |
| Jan 24, 2018 at 15:21 | comment | added | user10883 | @DJClayworth I understand the downvote. The trust thing does not exclude the fact they may change their mind - it's no different to somebody changing their mind about wanting to be in the relationship altogether, or changing their mind about fidelity. The important point I was trying to get at, is that OP cannot do anything about it - if they have met somebody that says they genuinely have the same goal; there is nothing more OP can do about it. If they change their mind, that is not for OP to feel like they failed on, or feel that they should have pre-empted in some way. | |
| Jan 24, 2018 at 15:04 | comment | added | DJClayworth | I have to downvote this because while "trust them" sounds good what you advice boils down to is "assume they never change their mind". That's not a safe thing with real people. I don't suggest you should ask the same question every week or every months, but maybe ask them again before you get engaged. A different answer doesn't necessarily mean "they lied" but "they've changed their mind". | |
| Jan 24, 2018 at 13:15 | history | edited | user10883 | CC BY-SA 3.0 |
added 364 characters in body
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| Jan 24, 2018 at 11:57 | history | answered | user10883 | CC BY-SA 3.0 |