Some people are more flexible with changing plans on the spot and some are less. You are less flexible and so am I. Summer (and Tom who does not have a great problem with that on his own) are more flexible. The trick here is to make it comfortable for everyone. Unless you are a good friend with Summer it is unrealistic from your prespective to expect her to make allowances for you ridgity. Unless I think that there is a good chance that she would listen, I would not approach her with this problem of mine. It could be difficult for here to get your context in this kind of conversation and unless she is particulary receptive person, I would not even try. Only you can decide if this is worth a shot.

I hate when people change plans from under me. My family knows that and they made a habbit to word these as suggestions. In more cases then not I'm willing to accomodate them, but I need time to get comfortable with the idea, and I need to feel that this is my descision whether to accomodate them or not. I usually need 10-15 minutes to think things over and accept the change (or not).

For that reason I rarely agree when someone offers to give me a lift to a party or joing them in their car to a beach. When I do, it's because I decided that suffering from being dependent on other is worth the alternative (whatever it may be - like not coming at all).

If you arrived on the beach in Tom's car however, you have much less bargaining power. You need to decide what is more important to you, to live throguh the 30 mimnutes in traffic and have your beach plans canceled or to make a point about how unhappy you are. In any case I would start with, "I'm sorry, I'm very sensitive to rapid plan changes. I need 10-15 minutes to think this through, I'll get back to you soon". If you decide that you don't want to go to the mall and the day is ruined anyway, I'd say, "Tom, I think I'll go home, can you drop me off at the nearest bus stop please. I was looking forward to some time at the beach, but without you guys it won't be the same, so I'll just go. I don't want to go to the mall".

I would personally not worry a lot about affecting relationship between Summer and Tom. Maintaining these are Tom's responsibility, not yours. You of course should not get in the way if you can help it, but it's not that case here. As far as your relationship with Tom, it's impossible to make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Yes, your departure would not be pleasant for you, and it will cause some strain to Tom, but it will also show Tom, that this kind of things is very important to you. If Tom decides to talk this through with you at some latter point, you can reinforce it by saying, "Tom, my apologies if it makes things more difficult for you, but I react very badly to rapid change of plans. Unfortunately this is not something that I can control. Every time Summer does this it's quite painful for me. I understand that it's not such a big deal for you, you are a great lot more flexible than I am, but for me this is a real problem. I wish I could not be upset about it but I am, and that's how I have been as long as I remeber myself". And next time you think twice about accepting a ride to the beach, because you remeber what it ended up like last time.

If you don't have a car and have to use your friends for transportation, then face it, that they are doing you a favour, and if you accept it, that will be mostly on their terms. Which seems for you to include a posibility of plan changes.

• Leave Tom to manage Summer, concentrate on your relationships with Tom, find the compromise between your demands of him and Summer's demands
• Let those who care about you (Tom) know that it is a considerable issue for you when plans are changed suddently from underneath of you and that this is not going to go away any time soon
• Try not to put yourself in a position when you are dependant on others changing plans, try to have independent travel arangements
• Decide what is less painful for you to not participate or to face posibility of plans change - on case by case basis

Some people are more flexible with changing plans on the spot and some are less. You are less flexible and so am I. Summer (and Tom who does not have a great problem with that on his own) are more flexible. The trick here is to make it comfortable for everyone. Unless you are a good friend with Summer it is unrealistic from your perspective to expect her to make allowances for you rigidity. Unless I think that there is a good chance that she would listen, I would not approach her with this problem of mine. It could be difficult for here to get your context in this kind of conversation and unless she is particularly receptive person, I would not even try. Only you can decide if this is worth a shot.

I hate when people change plans from under me. My family knows that and they made a habit to word these as suggestions. In more cases then not I'm willing to accommodate them, but I need time to get comfortable with the idea, and I need to feel that this is my decision whether to accommodate them or not. I usually need 10-15 minutes to think things over and accept the change (or not).

For that reason I rarely agree when someone offers to give me a lift to a party or joining them in their car to a beach. When I do, it's because I decided that suffering from being dependent on other is worth the alternative (whatever it may be - like not coming at all).

If you arrived on the beach in Tom's car however, you have much less bargaining power. You need to decide what is more important to you, to live through the 30 minutes in traffic and have your beach plans canceled or to make a point about how unhappy you are. In any case I would start with, "I'm sorry, I'm very sensitive to rapid plan changes. I need 10-15 minutes to think this through, I'll get back to you soon". If you decide that you don't want to go to the mall and the day is ruined anyway, I'd say, "Tom, I think I'll go home, can you drop me off at the nearest bus stop please. I was looking forward to some time at the beach, but without you guys it won't be the same, so I'll just go. I don't want to go to the mall".

I would personally not worry a lot about affecting relationship between Summer and Tom. Maintaining these are Tom's responsibility, not yours. You of course should not get in the way if you can help it, but it's not that case here. As far as your relationship with Tom, it's impossible to make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Yes, your departure would not be pleasant for you, and it will cause some strain to Tom, but it will also show Tom, that this kind of things is very important to you. If Tom decides to talk this through with you at some latter point, you can reinforce it by saying, "Tom, my apologies if it makes things more difficult for you, but I react very badly to rapid change of plans. Unfortunately this is not something that I can control. Every time Summer does this it's quite painful for me. I understand that it's not such a big deal for you, you are a great lot more flexible than I am, but for me this is a real problem. I wish I could not be upset about it but I am, and that's how I have been as long as I remember myself". And next time you think twice about accepting a ride to the beach, because you remember what it ended up like last time.

If you don't have a car and have to use your friends for transportation, then face it, that they are doing you a favour, and if you accept it, that will be mostly on their terms. Which seems for you to include a possibility of plan changes.

• Leave Tom to manage Summer, concentrate on your relationships with Tom, find the compromise between your demands of him and Summer's demands
• Let those who care about you (Tom) know that it is a considerable issue for you when plans are changed suddenly from underneath of you and that this is not going to go away any time soon
• Try not to put yourself in a position when you are dependent on others changing plans, try to have independent travel arrangements
• Decide what is less painful for you to not participate or to face possibility of plans change - on case by case basis