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I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with his postponing his chores, and that almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of efforts.. for about a week before falling back in his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step adapt the distribution of chores to this problem.

Example: we went from a "I cook, he does the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me:"Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (cleaning everything one good time after eating -> You get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postponing cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals) Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

second step support each other

Problem with the first part is its quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAYS, and not just when you feel like it) we ditched it. Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry laundry while I hang the wet one?

or

Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and the feeling is nicer when everything is nice and we did it together. (and it's difficult to turn down something like that without sounding quite rude) It also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we rule it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can as well do it even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began to do chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.

I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with him postponing his chores, almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of effort... for about a week before falling back into his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step: adapt the distribution of chores to this problem

Example: we went from a "I cook, you do the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me: "Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (clean everything one good time after eating -> you get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postpone cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals) Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

Second step: support each other

The problem with the first part was that it's quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly we ditched it (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAY, and not just when you feel like it). Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while I doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry clothes while I hang the wet ones?

or

Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and you both get a nicer feeling when everything is neat and you did it together (and it's difficult to turn down something like that without sounding quite rude). This also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we ruled it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can do it as well, even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began doing chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.

I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with his postponing his chores, and that almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of efforts.. for about a week before falling back in his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step - adapt the distribution of chores to this problem.

Example: we went from a "I cook, he does the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me:"Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (cleaning everything one good time after eating -> You get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postponing cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals)

Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

Second step - support each other

Problem with the first part is its quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAYS, and not just when you feel like it) we ditched it. Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry laundry while I hang the wet one?

or

Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and the feeling is nicer when everything is nice and we did it together. It also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we rule it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can as well do it even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began to do chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.

I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with his postponing his chores, and that almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of efforts.. for about a week before falling back in his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step adapt the distribution of chores to this problem.

Example: we went from a "I cook, he does the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me:"Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (cleaning everything one good time after eating -> You get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postponing cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals) Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

second step support each other

Problem with the first part is its quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAYS, and not just when you feel like it) we ditched it. Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry laundry while I hang the wet one?

or

Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and the feeling is nicer when everything is nice and we did it together. (and it's difficult to turn down something like that without sounding quite rude) It also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we rule it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can as well do it even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began to do chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.

I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with his postponing his chores, and that almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of efforts.. for about a week before falling back in his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step adapt the distribution of chores to this problem.

Example: we went from a "I cook, he does the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me:"Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (cleaning everything one good time after eating -> You get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postponing cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals) Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

second step support each other

Problem with the first part is its quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAYS, and not just when you feel like it) we ditched it. Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry laundry while I hang the wet one? or Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and the feeling is nicer when everything is nice and we did it together. It also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we rule it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can as well do it even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began to do chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.

I had the problem with my companion too, and was able to solve it over time (a LONG time), so here are my two cents, I hope it can help. Of course, I did the "good honest talk" with him exposing the problems and stress that came with his postponing his chores, and that almost always. Each time, he did see my point, agree, and actually made a lot of efforts.. for about a week before falling back in his previous behavior. So I had to go more practical. Two approaches proved to be successful

First step - adapt the distribution of chores to this problem.

Example: we went from a "I cook, he does the dishes" system, where I would end up with an absolutely hideous kitchen and him asking me:"Which items do you need me to clean to cook tonight?" to a "I do everything for the meal including cleaning afterwards, and when the kitchen is clean, it's your turn". It was both positive reinforcement (cleaning everything one good time after eating -> You get to do nothing for the next (few) meal(s)) and negative reinforcement (postponing cleaning -> you get to cook again AND still clean for both meals)

Plus, if one doesn't do his part one time, it's not getting in the way of the other.

Second step - support each other

Problem with the first part is its quite strict ruling. We did it in order to get us a bit straightened, but once he was more used to actually doing chores regularly (part of the initial problem was that he had almost never had to help at home, so it didn't register to him that there are chores to do EVERY DAYS, and not just when you feel like it) we ditched it. Instead I began simply asking him to help with something while doing something else. Example:

Would you mind folding the dry laundry while I hang the wet one?

or

Could you please help me and empty the dishwasher while I clean the floor?

Key-point: It's simply motivating not to be the only one doing chores, and the feeling is nicer when everything is nice and we did it together. It also got him to get out of the "I have to do this because we rule it like that" mindset, to get into the "There are things which need to be done there, and I can as well do it even if it's not explicitly on my list". When he began to do chores by himself, I would then always do something as well, and now he does that for me too, most of the time.