How do I stop prompting a co-worker to go to lunch?

Question

My co-worker and I eat lunch together in the workplace cafeteria every day.

The problem I have is this co-worker always expects me to inform them that it is lunch time so let us go. We have been working in this company for about a year now, and every day they expect me to invite.

I'm sure this is trivial, but I still feel that, at least once in a while, the other person should also invite. Once I told about this, the person replied, since my cubicle is little bit closer to cafeteria, you should invite.

If I simply stop inviting my co-worker to lunch, it might damage our relationship since this pattern has been going on for about a year. I don't want to keep inviting them every day if they do not bother to invite even once. The co-worker's behavior seems rude to me.

I want to keep having lunch every day with my co-worker and I don't want to damage our relationship. What can I say to my co-worker so that I don't have to (always) be the one to call attention to lunchtimes?

Answer 1

Option 1. Joke about it.

Since it’s kind of an absurd situation, you could make fun of it. Think about a funny way of announcing lunch time, like buying a bell and ringing it in front of his desk. It could make the experience much lighter to you and give him ideas to do it as well.

Option 2. I’ll do that, but you do this

Tell him in a funny way :

I officially accept to be your lunch-alarm, BUT you have to be the coffee-alarm (meeting-alarm / whatever) since you are closer to the coffee machine.

Option 3. Ask him gently

Something like :

I know I’m closer to the lunch place but it would be such a pleasure to me if you invite me to lunch from time to time :-)

But remember, I’m almost certain that he doesn’t realise you’re taking it this way and if he did he would invite you as well. For this reason I think option 3 is the best.

Answer 2

If I understand correctly, you have to walk past your coworker's desk every day on your way to the caf. When you do, you say something like "lunch?" and the coworker gets up and joins you. Even though you like having lunch with this person, it's starting to feel like an unreturned invitation that it's always you. OK.

You could try just sitting at your desk a little longer than usual instead of getting up right at lunchtime.(Have a big breakfast that day.) Would your coworker just sit there for 30 minutes getting hungrier and hungrier, or would they message you and say "hey, lunch!" after a while?

You could even ask them to remind you.

Tomorrow I am going to be debugging all morning. I get so zoned out. Can you message me at noon to remind me to stop and eat?

(This is different from the vaguer "I would like you to be the one to notice it is lunchtime once in a while" because it's specifically about a single day.)

After the coworker has prompted you a few times you should be able to get into a pattern where sometimes you just get up from your desk and head to the caf, stopping by their desk on the way and saying "lunch?" and other times they message you "it's lunchtime" and then you get up and head to their desk.

Answer 3

My co-workers and I do something similar. We all sit in the same area though, but every day one of my co-workers stands up at lunchtime and kicks the back of all of our chairs (lightly) and says lunch. It seems trivial to ask because we always go anyways but it also doesn't feel weird being the lunch alarm. While sometimes someone else will do it, it's usually the same person.

To us, it isn't about being invited to lunch. It's already assumed since it's been done for years and in your cause a year. The announcement of lunch is merely that. To say let's go eat now. When someone can't make it, they will usually say at that time they cant go today, or I will message the group and say something like, sorry I have X to do at lunch today so go on without me. Otherwise, it's assumed you are going.

I can see how constantly asking can seem like you aren't being invited and it's a 1-way lunch friendship but in reality, both of you already assume that you will eat lunch together and this person would like for you to be his "lunch alarm" as someone else put it.

If it honestly bothers you a ton, I would find a way to talk to them about it. Let them know casually that while you are closer, or that their desk is on the way for you to walk to lunch, that it would mean a lot to you if he could initiate lunch talks sometimes. Even if it's a quick email.

Some people don't realize that things like this are important or can be interpreted differently. As my above example with my co-workers, we do this daily and no one feels burdened by being the one to always ask.