Long to short: While the online lessons (because of corona-lock-down) I had to built up much pressure to make my son do his school tasks. Now the circumstances have relaxed. But we are stucked into the "pressure pattern" regardless of almost 2 month of holidays.

While the beginning of Corona events our country made a full lock down. The schools easter holidays were started one week earlier and after them my son had online lessons until the summer holidays. It is his first year in primary school. This means I have to sit next to him all the time he has online lessions via video-chat with his class.

So my tasks were to make him follow the teachers commands, to focus to the screen and to fulfill the tasks the teacher gave to him. The teacher made a big effort and give all her heart and soul into it. Because of this I felt a big duty to "make" my son a good pupil.

The tasks he likes (for example painting/crafting, maths and all to do with general knowledge) were no problem. He was interested and stucked to the screen. But the task he did not like (even in IRL-School, like writing) were a big struggle.

Because writing is an essential part of the documentation of every lesson, it was a problem all the day. I need to use more and more pressure, to get him write anything.

For example they had to write every friday 30 minutes at one (over the week discussed) topic. It was not important how much, but that the first letter was capital and in the end a folstop. It was no problem for him to tell me all about the Lion, every bit of information. But he denied to write down anything. We talked about the first sentence he like to start with, then the first word to write, then the first letter. He uses all strategies to distranct me (and him) from the task: need toilet, get thirsty, tell me all about the lion and about the last lessons, need to sharpen the pencil and so on. After 30 minutes of discussion there were two words written "The Lion".

I tried to limit the distraction. I sharpened the pencils, only one walk to the toilet, one glas to drink... I tried to make compromise: one sip and one letter, one sip and one letter... or "you write one sentences and I write the next" (because I had the impression that he feels very thwart by the slow writing in difference to his fast thinking). At some point he do not want to write anymore and said this very direct to me. I answered that I need to say this to the teacher, because she want to see the 30min writing outcome (the school collected every friday the weeks work). He was upset, we argued and he cried (as I see it because of anger). This repeated nearly every friday. More often how longer the online teaching lasted.

Then the holidays started and we need no pressure for school anymore. But now I observed that we are stucked in the learned patterns of behavior. If he do not get something he wants, he starts to get loud. I starts to get loud even fast too. I hoped we could calm down and repair our behavior and relationship, but now the holidays are nearly gone and the school will start again. Online lessons are not planned, but we need to do homeqork together and I am nervous, because I do not want to make the situation more worse.

My aim would be: Find a way to do the homework calm and with less stress for both of us. Homework means writing, equal with which topic it is connected.

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