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The problem

While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem there.

However, I still have meltdowns from time to time in social situations, where my condition becomes very apparent. These include behaviors like:

  • stimming bahaviorsbehaviors/partial loss of motor control
  • inability to change subjects
  • Panic attack (triggered by the meltdown)
  • very poor communication to the point of being perceived as abrasive
  • Literalism (I will mistake sarcasm or use the wrong words)
  • Loss of ability to filter. (if it's in my head it comes out without any tact)
  • Selective mutism (If it's bad enough, I lose the ability to speak)

Now, while I can withdraw (and do), this still brings problems. When I withdraw, people who know me as a normal everyday person are often shocked and make assumptions about me, like thinking I'm acting like a jerk.

I'm unable to address these assumptions right when the meltdown happens, and later it is much harder explaining myself because it looks like I'm making excuses for bad behavior.

The fallout of such incidents takes a big emotional toll on me. Sometimes I unintentionally offend people, sometimes they think I'm putting on a show, sometimes people accuse me of playing the victim on purpose. All of this is very grating and emotionally draining and saddening to deal with.

Sometimes when asking about how to deal with this, I'm told I should just stay away from certain places. However, I'd like to still interact with the world and partake in society. Cloistering myself off from everyone is not a viable option for me.

This is only a problem with acquaintances, strangers and friends, my job by nature of the workplace does not often generate such interactions

The issue is principally when I am in social settings in groups among friends and acquaintances. More so if there is strong stimuli such as loud music and/or flashing lights.

I'm looking for a method or set of methods that I can develop to better address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships with them.

The problem

While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem there.

However, I still have meltdowns from time to time in social situations, where my condition becomes very apparent. These include behaviors like:

  • stimming bahaviors/partial loss of motor control
  • inability to change subjects
  • Panic attack (triggered by the meltdown)
  • very poor communication to the point of being perceived as abrasive
  • Literalism (I will mistake sarcasm or use the wrong words)
  • Loss of ability to filter. (if it's in my head it comes out without any tact)
  • Selective mutism (If it's bad enough, I lose the ability to speak)

Now, while I can withdraw (and do), this still brings problems. When I withdraw, people who know me as a normal everyday person are often shocked and make assumptions about me, like thinking I'm acting like a jerk.

I'm unable to address these assumptions right when the meltdown happens, and later it is much harder explaining myself because it looks like I'm making excuses for bad behavior.

The fallout of such incidents takes a big emotional toll on me. Sometimes I unintentionally offend people, sometimes they think I'm putting on a show, sometimes people accuse me of playing the victim on purpose. All of this is very grating and emotionally draining and saddening to deal with.

Sometimes when asking about how to deal with this, I'm told I should just stay away from certain places. However, I'd like to still interact with the world and partake in society. Cloistering myself off from everyone is not a viable option for me.

This is only a problem with acquaintances, strangers and friends, my job by nature of the workplace does not often generate such interactions

The issue is principally when I am in social settings in groups among friends and acquaintances. More so if there is strong stimuli such as loud music and/or flashing lights.

I'm looking for a method or set of methods that I can develop to better address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships with them.

The problem

While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem there.

However, I still have meltdowns from time to time in social situations, where my condition becomes very apparent. These include behaviors like:

  • stimming behaviors/partial loss of motor control
  • inability to change subjects
  • Panic attack (triggered by the meltdown)
  • very poor communication to the point of being perceived as abrasive
  • Literalism (I will mistake sarcasm or use the wrong words)
  • Loss of ability to filter. (if it's in my head it comes out without any tact)
  • Selective mutism (If it's bad enough, I lose the ability to speak)

Now, while I can withdraw (and do), this still brings problems. When I withdraw, people who know me as a normal everyday person are often shocked and make assumptions about me, like thinking I'm acting like a jerk.

I'm unable to address these assumptions right when the meltdown happens, and later it is much harder explaining myself because it looks like I'm making excuses for bad behavior.

The fallout of such incidents takes a big emotional toll on me. Sometimes I unintentionally offend people, sometimes they think I'm putting on a show, sometimes people accuse me of playing the victim on purpose. All of this is very grating and emotionally draining and saddening to deal with.

Sometimes when asking about how to deal with this, I'm told I should just stay away from certain places. However, I'd like to still interact with the world and partake in society. Cloistering myself off from everyone is not a viable option for me.

This is only a problem with acquaintances, strangers and friends, my job by nature of the workplace does not often generate such interactions

The issue is principally when I am in social settings in groups among friends and acquaintances. More so if there is strong stimuli such as loud music and/or flashing lights.

I'm looking for a method or set of methods that I can develop to better address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships with them.

1
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How to address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships

The problem

While I am a very high functioning autistic and can act "normal" most of the time. Most people don't know I have autism, esp at work or other controlled situations so it's not a problem there.

However, I still have meltdowns from time to time in social situations, where my condition becomes very apparent. These include behaviors like:

  • stimming bahaviors/partial loss of motor control
  • inability to change subjects
  • Panic attack (triggered by the meltdown)
  • very poor communication to the point of being perceived as abrasive
  • Literalism (I will mistake sarcasm or use the wrong words)
  • Loss of ability to filter. (if it's in my head it comes out without any tact)
  • Selective mutism (If it's bad enough, I lose the ability to speak)

Now, while I can withdraw (and do), this still brings problems. When I withdraw, people who know me as a normal everyday person are often shocked and make assumptions about me, like thinking I'm acting like a jerk.

I'm unable to address these assumptions right when the meltdown happens, and later it is much harder explaining myself because it looks like I'm making excuses for bad behavior.

The fallout of such incidents takes a big emotional toll on me. Sometimes I unintentionally offend people, sometimes they think I'm putting on a show, sometimes people accuse me of playing the victim on purpose. All of this is very grating and emotionally draining and saddening to deal with.

Sometimes when asking about how to deal with this, I'm told I should just stay away from certain places. However, I'd like to still interact with the world and partake in society. Cloistering myself off from everyone is not a viable option for me.

This is only a problem with acquaintances, strangers and friends, my job by nature of the workplace does not often generate such interactions

The issue is principally when I am in social settings in groups among friends and acquaintances. More so if there is strong stimuli such as loud music and/or flashing lights.

I'm looking for a method or set of methods that I can develop to better address fallout from my meltdowns and to avoid ruining social relationships with them.