(Some similarities to this question, except that I have explained, and my family is not on my side.)
I have been avoiding / ignoring my sister for the past ~6 months, after she seriously hurt me. I am not ready to forgive her. What she did was the sort of move that people end best friendships over; if she was not related to me, I would have cut her out of my life immediately and never looked back. She has shown no remorse and made no attempts to apologize, although she has sent me trivial texts (e.g. "Happy national ice cream day!") now and again. For context, we are both mid-20's, living independently from our parents.
My parents know why I was hurt and the sort of feelings the situation brings up (including physical symptoms, loss of appetite, insomnia, nightmares, to give you an idea of the intensity), but have taken her side and are pressuring me to make up with her anyways. They have a variety of tactics:
- It makes your mother so sad to think of her family never having a big happy get-together again
- You're being selfish, your sister's choice made her happy, don't you want her to be happy?
- Well, I can see why what she did hurt you, but you shouldn't have done XYZ in the first place
- It's been months/years, this is how things are now, you need to accept that
- She's reached out with those texts and you're not even giving her a chance, so the rift is really your fault now
- But she's your only sister, you don't want to end up like [estranged extended family member], do you?
- It must be exhausting holding on to all that anger for so long, I can't even imagine..
FWIW there is a religious component; I stopped following my parents' religion a few years ago whereas she is still devout. It is true that this situation would not have hurt me as badly if I had followed their religious tenets, but to any secular observer I did nothing "wrong".
Perhaps some months or years from now I will be able to forgive her, but my parents pressuring me will not speed it up. In the meantime, I'm at a loss of what to do the next time they bring up the subject. I don't want to argue or reveal yet more personal background, I don't want to let my sister sweep this under the rug, I don't want to reach out to her. (Why should that be my responsibility? I don't want a relationship with someone who would do this and doesn't think they need to even clear the air.)
What can I tell them? How do I respond when they try to get me to go to family events with her? Do I just have to accept they will view me as the bad guy for not accepting her "compromise" of sweeping it under the rug?
My family is from Midwest USA.
