How do I deal with Americans who are trying to force me into tipping? [closed]

Question

I do not support the tipping system. I think it's absolutely repulsive that restaurants don't just pay their employees what they ought to be paid, and instead have them relying on the whims of random customers (and their wallet sizes).

Change is only going to come about through resistance, and for that reason, I do not tip.

Inspired by this thread, Covering for person who refuses to tip waiter without offending?, how do I then deal with Americans who try to force me into tipping?

How do I deal with these sorts of people? How do I make them understand that no, tipping is not a good system, and that yes, resisting the system will bring about change (as it already has in many places in metropolitan cities)?

Answer 1

Refusing to tip as an individual kinda shows a distinct lack of understanding of the issue and a lack of interpersonal skills.

First off, I would hazard a guess that most Americans don't particularly like the tip system. They just understand that refusing to tip only hurts the individual service person. Basically a restaurant owner is unlikely to change policy within their establishment because people don't tip, they're not directly affected by their wait staff losing money.

Your approach also shows a lack of a rather important interpersonal skill, empathy. Effectively you're saying that you don't care that you're hurting, what are already, low wage workers. You're fine with having a negative impact on the quality of the life for these workers just so that it doesn't come out of your pocket...

If fighting the tip system is really important to you, boycott the businesses, don't just withhold tips. Both approaches hurt the workers, but at least in this way you're also putting a little pressure on the business owners.

Or if you really want to see real actual change, encourage and support labor unions. That's where most of these kinds of large systemic changes for workers come from in the United States. Collective bargaining, through unions, allows workers to stand united and demand a living wage.

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Taking a step back and looking at why a culture does something is an important step before attempting to change what a culture does. Probably one of the the major criticisms of American culture is that we have a history of not bothering to understand a culture before trying to change it.

The idea of "American exceptionalism", the idea that our way is inherently better, has caused an awful lot of problems throughout history...

Probably best to learn from our example, lest you end up with our reputation.

Answer 2

One: Explain to "the american" why you don't wanna tip.

Two: Find a restaurant where employees have a minimum wage (for example by searching on Google). By doing so, you will support restaurants that pay a minimum wage. In the long term, restaurants that don't pay employees well might die because no one would want to eat there anymore.

Three: If no restaurant fitting your criteria is available, don't go to the restaurant. The true aim here is to not support restaurants who do not directly pay their employees. If you eat there, you will participate in this form of "modern slavery", even more if you are not tipping.

Answer 3

You could explain to your friends exactly the reasoning that you provided here: that you don't support tipping because restaurants should pay their employees fairly, and that you believe resisting the system will bring about change. This is the most honest, straightforward course of action. It has the potential to start a thoughtful debate about the subject. But remember that you can only explain it to them; you won't necessarily be able to convince them to abandon a cultural norm that they've always known.

Additionally, you have to accept that if you are in the USA, you will likely be perceived as rude by your friends and by restaurant staff. Also, while refusing to tip may bring about long term change, it has an immediate detriment to the waitstaff you encounter.