How to ask a girl from my class to also invite me to the next party?

Question

I’m asking this because today a girl, whom I like very much, invited some of my classmates to a Halloween party, but not me.

I wished for long time to go to a party, because I have never been to one before.

I tried to think and ask myself, “should I ask Ana to invite me to next party? No no, that’s stupid! That shows begging. Should I first become her friend and then be invited? No, I can’t ask her. Yes, it’s OK to ask. Aaah, it’s so difficult to decide…”

The reason for wishing to go to her party, is because I feel good in her company. I also think it could make our friendship closer, so that we can become best friends ever.

Question: How can I ask her to invite me to the next party without intimidating her, or otherwise risk our relationship?

Answer 1

If you have a friend who is already invited to the party you can ask him to ask her if you can be invited. Many party organizers are open to let their guests have their own guests.

Who should you ask and how?

There are multiple persons in your class who are invited, you don't want to ask more than two of these persons (ideally one), because you don't want to be "that guy" who asked everyone to be invited.

Ideally you'd choose someone who is: one of your close friends and one of her friends. When asking, I would not mention the fact that you want to get closer to the girl. People gossip a lot, and if she learns it that way, that could lead to an awkward situation you want to avoid. Also if it happens that someone else has views on the girl, he could try to prevent you from attending the party. Just say you'd really like to party on Halloween but you have nothing planned yet.

Be prepared for a refusal from either your friend (maybe he doesn't feel very close to this girl and wouldn't dare asking her this favor), or from the girl, it's her party, you are asking quite late and maybe everything is set up for a fixed number of persons and adding more would disturb the organization. Or maybe she invited only her close friends, etc. etc.

I've thrown quite a lot of (small) parties, and there are some in which I had no problem telling my guests they could invite who they wanted (but I always validate first to be sure my place is not going to be too crowded, or set up a limit for invitations).

And in some other occasions I only invited my closest friends and told them they couldn't invite anyone else because I wanted to see them and only them.

So even if you face a refusal, do not take it the wrong way, there might be a lot of reasons.

Answer 2

If you're hoping to have a relationship, you have to let things happen naturally. Asking someone to invite you to a party is an interaction that would feel forced to most people, and I would recommend against anything similar to asking for an invitation.

The more natural way to approach this is to attempt to have the kind of relationship where you might get invited to a party or to just hang out. It sounds like you have a casual relationship with her, so you could ask her how the party went and mention that it sounds like fun to show some interest. Obviously, if you found out about the party in an abnormal or embarrassing way, then don't ask her about the party, but if you heard about it normally then it's fine to bring up.

I want to address something I saw in the comments:

But I don’t think I have done something evil to her that I deserve not to be invited.

Relationships and misunderstandings are something the internet currently refers to as an iconic duo. This is even more true for relationships that can become romantic. Communication is hard to begin with, and my advice is try to be honest and open, and to not assign meanings to things without evidence. For example, not being invited to a potential romantic interest's party can mean that she has picked up on your interest and doesn't share it, but it can also mean she doesn't want to make the first move. It could also mean that she isn't sure about her romantic interest and doesn't want you to think an invite to a party is her declaring interest in you. Don't pressure things and try to keep everything in proportion and you'll figure it out.