How to disassociate with an obnoxious, arrogant, selfish friend

Question

I'm from England. When I first moved to a foreign, non-English-speaking, country (France), it was difficult for me to make friends, I had to deal with the language barrier and culture shock. Luckily, I found someone who spoke English and was quite smart. He was in the grade above me but was in the same school, we had the same interests, computers and video games; we both hated school, except he really did not care about his grades whereas I at least tried.

I thought I had decent friend who could help me integrate but as time went on, he became increasingly arrogant and obnoxious, he boasts about earning lots of money by selling custom-built computers, he's very manipulative and tries to extort/coerce me for some virtual money. In the end, all he cares about is himself and sees nothing else than that.

I had to hang out with him because he was the only one who spoke English and it was sort of a necessity in order to understand my surroundings and integrate myself into the new neighbourhood. Long story short, I found better friends to hang out with who do speak English and I can speak the native language better than before.

However, I wish to stop being associated with an arrogant, selfish person like him but ignoring him will be hard. I may still need his help in the future, and, as far as I'm aware of, he's the only one who I share the interests with. I only wish he could be a bit more helpful and considerate but I doubt that's possible. I admit, I am academically anxious, and it boils me to the core to see him boast earning money, with an attitude like that.

My goal is to try and disassociate with him online and at school, hang out with people who I feel more comfortable with.

Answer 1

Given what you're trying to accomplish, here, your goal is to be civil, but no more than civil, with him.

That is, be friendly, respectful, and courteous to him, but decline his invitations, and find ways to cut conversations with him short before they go down the rabbit hole.

Presuming that he is just an asshole, and not mentally ill or autistic, he will--soon enough--pare you back to his outer social circle. A braggart's lifeblood is the (seeming) admiration of others. If you don't provide him anything that smells like that, he'll go seeking greener pastures.

Answer 2

Don't answer his calls. Block his number. Don't call him. Unfriend him on Facebook. Don't visit him. Don't answer the door if he visits. Leave if he comes talk to you. Leave if he comes talk to your group. Don't ask for his help.

Answer 3

Honestly being French myself I would just be clear about it and tell him that he's starting to really annoy me and I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

From what you've said the person in question here seems to have quite an opinion of himself, so the way you will be cutting ties with him does not matter, he WILL be offended.

You mentioned that he is the only one who shares your interest, so I can understand if you're reluctant in completely cutting tie with him, but if you don't enjoy hanging around with him anymore, forcing yourself to do it will only make things worst. Each little details about him will annoy you more and more, and you will come to hate him, so it's better to completely cut ties with him now, instead of making things worst.

If you really want to find other people with whom you could talk about your hobbies, you could try to find people online, or depending on where you're living there might be events such as LAN parties where you could find new buddies.