- My boyfriend (bf) is 21, living at home.
- He is the youngest of three boys (his brothers are 29 and 23 respectively, neither of them are at home much).
- His parents are 54 (mom) and 65 (dad).
- I am 21 and living alone (renting)
Apologies for the mini novel, just wanted to give as much background as I could. TL;DR at the bottom, I would advise reading that first then read the novel to fill in any blanks if needed.
I was in the middle of a conversation with my bf last night (via IM) when he disappeared for the majority of two hours - I assumed he was just really caught up in a game (he was telling me he was going to be playing Overcooked with his brother who was visiting) or that he'd fallen asleep after the busy weekend we had and was just wiped out. No big deal or anything - up until the point that I was about to go to bed myself (this was around 23:30). I sent him a message to say goodnight and that I'd talk to him soon and I had just put my phone down when a message came in from him. I checked it, thinking it would be a goodnight text, but instead I was greeted with the message
I need to get out of here.
I wasn't really sure what to make of this and was sort of worried by it so I replied asking him what was up. He told me he had spent the guts of the past two hours arguing with his mom. I sat up with him to talk about what had happened for about an hour and just let him rant about his mom and his dad and get it out of his system, all the while trying to keep a fair view and give helpful answers to his questions/statements.
I know it's a normal thing to have fights with parents on occasion but my bf is almost always butting heads with either his mom or his dad or both of them. It's getting to the stage where he doesn't want to be at home because of how badly they get on. I can understand where he's coming from, I used to not get on all that well with my mom but when I moved out, things changed, and now we get along like a house on fire.
My bf's parents are very much results oriented, i.e., no matter what it is that my bf does they need to see good results from it in order for them to think of it as being worthwhile, be it in exams, work life etc.. If they can't see any results for themselves then whatever it was was a waste of time as far as they are concerned. They tend to pick on him about things even though he could have just completed a really hard task in work or got accepted into some course he really wanted and worked hard to get into - if they can't immediately see results from something he does it gets shot down on him. It's like they need a piece of paper with a grade on it to show them what he did was worthwhile.
I want to support my bf and I want him to know that I'm always there for him but at the same time I don't exactly want to get dragged into this in such a way that it puts my relationship with his parents in a bad place. They're great people, I personally get along very well with them and I know they like me, but I think because he is the youngest in the family, they just don't see him as a capable, independent adult and that may be the main problem.
The last thing I want is for anything to come between him and his parents in such a way that it ruins their relationship permanently. I'm not looking for a solution to this problem (though if anyone has got one, I am all ears), I'm mainly just wondering if anybody has any advice on dealing with this kind of situation that I could impart onto my bf to help him out. He is living at home at the minute as he is trying to save money for college next year so moving out isn't on the cards. He also knows he can stay with me any time he wants no questions asked but that's not always feasible due to prior commitments either of us have made.
My bf is constantly fighting with his parents and I want to help him and support him without ending up in his parents bad books. I currently lend an ear to him and offer advice/a shoulder to lean on when he comes to me about a fight with his parents - there is nothing wrong with this and it works really well, I'm just wondering if there is more that I could do.
He is living at home to save money for college so moving out isn't an option. Both his brothers are moved out but visit every now and again so for the most part it's just him and his parents in the house. I am living alone (renting) and he is welcome to stay with me anytime, but that's not always possible due to prior commitments either/both of us have made. Any advice on how to offer more support to him? I'm not looking for solutions to his problem, he's the only one that can do that realistically, just looking for other peoples experiences with this kind of situation and what they did to help.
If any more info is needed, please don't hesitate to ask and I will edit as needed.