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I've been friends with a girl for a few years now. We used to be very close friends. However, after she told me last November how she got diagnosed with clinical depression, she has been creating bad decisions which negatively affect me.

Upon confrontation, she feels that the situation is her fault (and while I must have to agree, I want to also acknowledge that I would like to take some of the blame). She is aware that her mental disease is causing her to become toxic to me. For me, however, sometimes it is frustrating that she doesn't realize that is happening at the moment.

It has been almost 3-4 months since we last talked (we both needed space). I feel like for both of us, we have gotten much better through therapy, and while we have not talked for a while, we have managed to improve ourselves. I decided to send a message telling her good luck for an upcoming performance, and she replied thanks! quickly. Since she is leaving for college soon, I wanted to mend a friendship before she left, or at least be on better terms in the future.

How can I talk to her about the state of our friendship? It's better for me to not bring up past issues, because it will just annoy her now at this point (and it can be hard sometimes to ignore things that may have been unfair). I'm not entirely sure how to be on better terms with her, but perhaps a couple of small conversations could help.

I would also wonder if in the case that she does begin to start making toxic decisions without she being aware of it, how can I politely tell her at the moment? She seems to know in the long run that she has been toxic to me, but I have no idea what to say if she is actively doing it to me.

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As you mentioned, it's generally unhelpful to bring up past issues. Especially with you both going to therapy which usually adds some perspective and maturity on interpersonal relationships.

A simple way to bring up the topic of friendship would be to mention some good times in the past and then suggest doing friendly things like going to an event you have mutual interest in.

I would also wonder if in the case that she does begin to start making toxic decisions without she being aware of it, how can I politely tell her at the moment?

If those start to become problematic again, ask her how she prefers you handle these situations.

I am assuming she's not a love interest. If she is, this answer completely depends on your previous and intended future relationship.

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