Personally, I am a 21-year-old male, and my family consists of my mum, dad and a younger brother aged 17.
To provide an overall context of my family before I talk about the problem.
Analysis of involved characters
(Might contain certain levels of bias)
Extremely academically driven, willing to work hard for the grades (Mainly interested in the field of Mathematics but not a prodigy in it, doesn’t fair well in linguistic subjects like global relations or possibly literature)
Freshman in a Computer Science course (Enrolled because it’s the course that my entry points could enter yet prospects are believed to be good, slight interest in programming though zero knowledge in tech trends and not IT savvy at all, and the belief that Computer Science is a subset of Mathematics and my skills might be relevant)
Not fairing well academically (50 percentile for all modules taken this semester, maybe due to lack of adaptation to new undergraduate life and employing of wrong study techniques from my previous education system or the major is filled with talents)
Lacking of all practical skills (Financial literacy and value assessment, handyman skills that every independent man should possess and interpersonal skills between people (I’m an introvert that just gets nervous talking to anyone)
Totally not academically driven, puts in the minimum effort yet still expects the rewards to be high and then rants about it later on. Simply put, happy-go-lucky.
(When one is lagging behind on the syallabus, and still intends to try for a good grade, of course the logical thing to do is to put in extra time for the subject. However, when my brother meets with this scenario, it seems like he doesn't put in that effort as I always catch him napping for more than 8 hours a day and assume he isn't the sort to wake up during wee hours to study since he's generally a sleep lover. He would just pray hard that the untouched topics, which is apparently a huge chunk, doesn't appear in the exam. After the end of the exam, he still harbours high expectations about his exam outcome and rants about it when the actual results are out, when he knows clearly he didn't even put in the minimal effort like what anyone would have done to deserve a good grade.)
Recently did very badly overall for all modules in a major examination in high school and wanted a change in specialisation to Engineering just because he thinks everyone there can graduate easily without much effort and has a lot of job prospects, even when he once said he dreaded it.
Is extremely tech-savvy compared to me, might be a better Computer Science candidate as opposed to me
Better financial literacy, better handyman skills, maybe better interpersonal skills? (He can talk a lot with other people including strangers, but I find his topics to be directed only towards making fun of/devaluing the other person and he just keep repeating the process and the other person happens to always be the tolerant kind)
Main breadwinner of the family through an active job, hence is too busy to take care about family problems and usually intervenes only when he deems necessary (For the current problem to be stated, he doesn’t find the need to intervene directly)
Very good financial literacy and handyman skills, since he was previously an engineer before switching to a managerial position elsewhere and was brought up under a family situation which forces everyone to be independent.
No emphasis on grades, but wants everyone to possess the same independence level as him.
Usually asks my younger brother “How to” problems regarding technology devices.
Obtains income from a passive source, leading a carefree life which involves seeking shopping and other entertainment venues.
Fairly good financial literacy, but depends on my dad for almost anything.
Like my dad, no emphasis on grades.
Like my dad, usually asks my younger brother “How to” problems regarding technology devices.
The Problem which snowballed after a decade long
My family lives in an Asian society where education seems glamourizing. Since young, even though my family doesn’t really actively compare our grades, from my perspective my brother seems to somehow be really bothered by the difference in our academic abilities, and also perhaps some small privileges I might get as the older brother. This is just a single possible scenario, it could also be the complete opposite: He's full of himself. I will just talk about the former case for now.
I recall an event when he first turned 12 and was about to transition into a new school. He consulted my mum about some academic matter, and of course my mum asked me to join the conversation since I have been through the same transition phase. I just gave my opinion on the corresponding matter and tried to help. Back then when he still bothered talking, he explicitly said I'm nosy and should just mind my own business. Now that I think back from his perspective, maybe he thinks "I'm devaluing him".
In his later year of growing up, he has become quite cold towards me or even bear some sort of grudges towards me, avoiding to ask help from me as much as possible even when he clearly needs it. He doesn’t even look me in the eye whenever I talk to him and keeps all conversation as short as possible, and if he had to take something (maybe pepper or instant noodles) of which happens to be more convenient by asking me to do it, he would rather do it himself. Sometimes I could unintentionally hear him hissing bad remarks behind my back as a way to vent his frustration after he got some kind of unfair share of a deal from his perspective.
At first the problem didn't really bothered anyone in the family and everyone just continued being involved in their own lives, until concerning relatives or friends start questioning such weird behaviour.
Some recent examples include a monthly gathering over dinner with my cousins. My brother would always wait for me to sit down first, and intentionally choose to sit at the seat furthest away from me. My cousins will always question me when my brother is away for awhile like what happened recently, and I would find it awkward to reply.
Gradually, he closes his heart away from the entire family since I always raise my problems directly to them and they would gladly resolve it, and maybe my brother hates my “robbing of attention” and simultaneously feels that my parents need him more than the other direction and hence instills a mindset of “being superior compared to everyone else”.
To my parents, they don’t see my brother as having as much problems as compared to me (though I don’t completely deny that), so this should rule out the possibility that the cause of my brother's intention of closure is actually that I'm comparatively better than him according to my parents(In fact it's the complete reverse). If it was the other scenario, I cannot even reason why he's showing such signs.
They also think I, as the older brother, should be responsible for resolving the “decade long Cold War” between us (which clearly I’m not good at doing) and they don’t seem to be doing anything to help make that bridge happen. This is one of the things that they have been nagging me to do and it’s getting really annoying.
I don’t deny I don’t have my own problems too.
How can I have a discussion with my brother in order to "make peace"?