I'm a bridesmaid for my friend's wedding. We have known each other for 12 years and I have been friends with her and her sister. I was not born in the country we are currently in and I have a different ethnicity. Unfortunately, the country I am from is experiencing tensions with country I'm living in and where my friend is also/the wedding is. I have lived here since I was 8 and I'm a citizen.
At the bachelorette party, it was planned that I drive to another city to the bride's house, pick her and bridesmaid_2 up, before we drive to another city and meet bridesmaid_3 and the Maid of Honor. Once I arrived at her house, I was told that bridesmaid_2 was not there and she was at a department store shopping so I had to go there to pick her up. This made us be late and so I ended up driving the Bride and bridesmaid_2 to the bachelorette party where we met the maid of honor and bridesmaid_3.
I understand that it was my duty to do it as a bridesmaid but I was slightly angry, since I ended up driving about 2 and a half hours on a really hot day.
At the bachelorette party I tried to make conversion over dinner and mentioned that I have a friend in the military who has mentioned that people shouldn't contact her as she goes through training. I mentioned this and the bride yelled in the restaurant that I can't contact her because I'm from the country I'm from. The bride's fiancé is the military and is serving currently and I know she hears a lot about the country where I'm from. Bridesmaid_2 told the bride that what she said wasn't very nice and tried to explain. I didn't say anything, only bridesmaid_2 who is also an immigrant tried to explain the situation and mentioned to the bride that it was rude what she said.
As I drove the bride and Bridesmaid_2 back after the event, we were talking about Area 51 and how people want to storm it on facebook. I mentioned that I'm studying to be a scientist and it would be so cool if I got a job in working at Area 51. The bride said that the military can't trust me because I'm from the country I'm from and they won't hire me.
I've spoken with my parents and others, everyone said I should not attend the wedding. I was very offended by her comments and perhaps I'm exaggerating because I was frustrated that I had to drive so far when the plans went deviated. I've noticed however that the bride's family have always said these kinds of things to me. There was a time their dad was somewhat drunk and he mentioned that I would be a belly dancer, because I'm middle eastern, if my parents didn't "force" me to go to college. Maybe it is my fault because I never spoke to them about these comments, but I feel like if I have been friends with them for 12 years and in 2019 that they don't know that these comments are rude then maybe they will never know? It kind of makes me not want to continue this friendship especially since I have been friends with them for 12 years and I don't want to be in a friendship where I have to filter my words just so someone won't mention how I'm different.
I would appreciate some advice on how to address this issue. How do I speak to her about this issue and about how her comments might be insensitive?