162
votes
Accepted
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
The only way this is rude is your belief that a programmer is better than a tech [you mention it feels like a minimization of your job when people think you're a tech.] I don't mean you're rude to ...
- 45k
83
votes
Accepted
How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?
The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative ...
- 17.1k
62
votes
Accepted
How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
First of all, you have raised a legitimate concern about the size of your car. You have luggage to take, so one possibility is to make this your excuse. It is after all truthful.
You or your ...
- 27k
46
votes
Accepted
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
You should have a couple of very serious conversations with her about this. There's two general topics which need to be addressed:
1. How you should behave when she's upset.
This is an issue I'm ...
- 17.1k
44
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
You can do what I do (A programmer for 40 years, a PhD in Computer Science): Tell the truth. I tell people, depending on the circumstance:
I know nothing about configuring Windows or fixing ...
- 5,912
41
votes
How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
You're being asked for a favor. 'Sorry, but I'd rather not' is a complete sentence and a valid answer to a request for a favor. You're generally under no obligation to justify yourself.
Having said ...
- 2,429
30
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
This sort of depends on what you're asking and how your company is designed.
At my company, our IT staff are the only people with the permissions to add or change hardware/software. This means that ...
- 14.2k
19
votes
How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
Besides some of the good suggestions in other answers, I'm going to take this on from the mother's point of view.
Since you and your girlfriend are young, and it's your first trip together, she may ...
- 656
19
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How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
You don't. Your girlfriend has to.
A good rule of thumb for dealing with each other's relatives while in a ...
- 4,992
17
votes
How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?
We only have very indirect and incomplete information about the situation to go on. While we can provide advice, you can get far better advice from someone more knowledgeable about the situation.
...
- 3,870
14
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
There is a similar relationship between architects and builders that you can leverage. The architect envisions a house and then drafts blueprints for that house. The builder then uses those ...
- 4,330
13
votes
How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?
You say that you are quite stunned, but honestly, I would not be. If a close relative or friend would ask to me to travel with me on a trip that I would do anyway (and the car is big enough, which is ...
- 249
11
votes
How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?
Within any culture, families think and operate differently from one another. The fact that you don't find this behaviour normal would suggest that this is a family thing, not a cultural thing.
The ...
- 27k
11
votes
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
Don't solve the problem
You are not your girlfriend. You can't solve her stress yourself; what you want to do is to be a sounding board for her to let off steam, and enable her to solve it herself.
...
- 2,507
10
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
This had exactly been perplexing me for a while and I feel with you! I have some knowledge on software and data science (though I do it more as a hobby than a job), but people often ask me to fix up a ...
- 1,756
9
votes
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
I can relate so much with this question. I had very similar experiences to your partner while growing up and as a result I became stressful and with low frustration tolerence myself. I used to lash ...
- 2,532
5
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
Your job, to most people, is "working with computers". Most people have absolutely no idea what the difference is between the many computers, applications, services, functions, databases, OS, etc; and ...
5
votes
Accepted
How to get to know people who don’t respond to greetings the way I would expect them to
It is pretty common that people considers everyone from outside their friends circle as strangers. As such, it may be uncommon to have small talk/interactions with strangers that go beyond necessary ...
- 602
4
votes
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
When someone prone to stress starts to worry about something, they believe they have a legitimate concern. As a calmer person you may not consider it to be serious, or serious enough to warrant ...
- 27k
3
votes
How can I tell my friend I don't feel comfortable dancing at her wedding?
I am Italian (northern Italy) and honestly here I don't see dancing at wedding parties being so important...
That being said, it's not so clear either if the plan is having you alone on the "stage" ...
- 1,869
3
votes
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
What I find works best in de-escalating a high-temper situation is simply asking "what can I do to help?" Don't try to solve her problem for her, especially if it's something that can't be dealt with ...
- 134
3
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
You can't.
What others think of you is, most of the times, beyond your control.
Note: I'd specifically like to exclude immediate family members and close friends from this categorisation of others....
- 376
3
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
These people are your coworkers, and as such should be treated nicely when possible. So if the problem they bring to you is (very and reliably) quick, I would suggest helping them. Just like if ...
- 201
3
votes
How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?
You've done the most important part, and that's to identify (when she's not angry), that you have different ways of dealing with stress and conflict and they aren't necessarily compatible, and one isn'...
- 2,270
3
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
First I think you need to get past thinking you are better than a tech.
You are not going to have a good conversation if you have a chip on your shoulder.
My job and expertise is programming not ...
- 1,555
2
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
For these situations, I find it often helps to come up with a comparison of other trades people might be more familiar with to use as an example.
Something like:
Oh I can't help you with that, ...
- 229
2
votes
How can I explain to people that a programmer isn't a computer technician?
Just try and explain it to them in a very calm demeanor.
This happens to most coders, I myself get asked sometimes and I normally just explain and say something along the lines of:
I program their ...
- 632
2
votes
How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?
Without stating where you're from, it's a little difficult to understand what the cultural acceptance of a woman living alone is. Since both of her siblings moved in with partners, it's not clear if ...
- 2,270
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