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149

When you say "ethical reasons" you are implying that you have made the right choice (morally correct choice). This has an inherent implication that every one else has made the wrong choice. The problem is that you do believe you have made the right choice. You're not trying to force that on other people. In fact, it appears that you are much more careful ...


147

You need to say "no" to Anne while minimizing damage to the friendship. That's hard, but you can convey that you care, gently let her down, and look for alternatives. In this particular case it might even be a little easier, because you're probably not the only invitee who can't afford to make the trip. I recommend something like this: Anne, I'm really ...


128

Pester them with service Continuously come up to them and ask them if they need anything else. You'll either make more sales (good!) or (hopefully) they'll get the hint that your space and tables are for active customers. You will also come off as friendly and a good host if you do this well. It's mostly an observation on what I see happen where I live. I ...


110

This seems to be a common problem that vegans and vegetarians experience, so it is worth thinking about why people ask. Is it because: they actually care very much about your diet? Unlikely they think you are weird and it will be fun to bait you? Sadly, more likely they have an economic interest, through employment, background or investment in non-plant ...


109

Honestly, in such a situation, most people may actually not cut the line on purpose. A gentle reminder that he did cut the line would be advised. Using kind words such as: Excuse me, I'm actually in the queue for [item or shop here]. If the man did not intend to cut he might move behind or apologize, if he did intend to cut the line and rebuts her, then ...


104

Play stupid games; win stupid prizes... I know that sounds a bit harsh, but if you know that it's an issue that people are passionate about and you play devil's advocate for kicks, don't be too surprised if people want to kick you out. Telling them that you're just playing devil's advocate, because you enjoy debate, is likely to make that worse rather than ...


85

I would be straight-forward and direct about it. Simply state the facts: I am very happy for you and I am honored that you've asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I don't have the financial resources nor the vacation days available to allow me to attend. Please accept my regrets. NOTE: in the world of manners, you do not owe your friend anything for ...


84

"Why are you vegan?" "I like it." (Good alternative: LightnessRacesinOrbit proposed "Because I want to"). Rationale: Attempting to justify and explain yourself implies you are seeking the approval of your interlocutor, and this invites them to pass judgement/evaluation on you. Even if you are enthusiastic about your reasons for being vegan, it still ...


82

No - it is not rude to offer your seat. To anyone. If a particular individual decides to be offended, that is up to them, but you are within your right to free up your seat for any reason you like. Maybe because you liked their smile. Maybe you just wanted to stand up for a bit. It really doesn't matter. Don't second guess this, just give your seat up if ...


81

I was wondering if it is rude (or expected) to wear a sari to the wedding. Being from India, I'd say there is no such thing that only Indian women must wear a sari. You can always wear it if you feel comfortable. Also, it is not compulsory for every girl to wear a sari. I attended a wedding once where two or three foreign girls were wearing sari (I guess ...


64

Let me tell you a story that happened at my friend's wedding (say John) a few months ago. John's an Indian who works in Sweden. The wedding was in India and John had invited a few of his Swedish friends to his wedding. Indian weddings typically last from a day to about a week. John's wedding spanned 5 days. There are various functions/ceremonies like ...


64

I'm going to focus on the part of your question which is When I have brought up issues that I feel might have caused the Liberals to perform poorly, I am met with hostility and accusations of supporting "an evil party". (Disclaimer: I'm from the US where political tensions have been running very high; I'm not sure if this is more or less so than Canada, ...


59

Apaul34208 gave a great answer, but you comment that you don't want to be bothered at all. So I'll add a scenario. When you order, say (with a big smile and all the charm you can muster, so as not to appear off-putting), ...(order food and drink) and if you don't mind, I'm fine until I ask for the check, Thanks. The waiter will/should ask, "Are you sure?...


56

Politeness makes it hard to tell them to do anything. However, brains are weird, and you may have far better success regretting to inform them of something you have to do, and the consequences for them of that obligation. However, the thing you have to do must be chosen carefully. Not that you need to leave for a moment, or that you need to go and do a thing....


51

Having been interrogated in much more serious situations, and knowing a little about how these situations are supposed to work vs how they actually work, I would say that your relative is doing pretty much exactly what she should be doing. Demanding personal medical information is an over reach, it's unnecessary, probably illegal, and certainly crosses the ...


50

To add to the already good answers, I'll make this one a bit shorter. If you want to dismiss questions in the future of "why are you single" you can answer "I'm on a few dating apps, but haven't found anyone I want to be serious with" which is not false and generally understandable. It can often end the discussion on the topic and will not raise as many ...


41

It is evident from your post that your elderly relative obviously has trouble conveying the information (referring in this instance to only the information she is legally obliged to provide) in a clear and contextualised manner because of her illness. This, in turn, causes those individuals in a position of authority to become sceptical and increasingly ...


39

The safest way is to relate your reasons to you directly, instead of making them so-called "global truths". For example, saying The treatment of animals in slaughterhouses is disgusting. can be taken to non-vegans as Anyone who supports slaughterhouses by eating meat is disgusting. Frankly, saying "ethical reasons" could potentially also imply to ...


34

While the other advice given here on the Indian culture and how to respect it are wonderful, I am going to try a different approach that involves people. In my mind this part of your question is the most relevant here: I was invited through my sister-in-law (friend of the bride) so I do not have the ability to contact the bride directly, and whenever I ...


33

When you try to see the bigger picture behind both people's behavior, you end up with positions of power: The man is of big build, has signs of his personality tatooed all over his his skin, and either doesn't see anything wrong with what he did or doesn't care. He is in a position of great power and broadcasts that power to everyone around him. Your sister ...


30

I also minimize my consumption of animal products (though due to chronic health reasons, I am not 100% vegan), purely for ethical reasons, and live in an area where this is not common; so this is based off of my experience with the situation. Instead of saying "I'm vegan for ethical reasons." which can get people defensive, I find the slightly ...


30

Politics is a very contentious subject. When you "play devils advocate" you're fostering disagreement where there wasn't any previously. This is especially the case if you are just arguing whatever the opposing viewpoint of your conversational partner takes while being evasive about your actual political views. When someone brings up a counter argument ...


30

I was in the same situation as you just a few weeks after I met my fiancee. It was very late and we were near my apartment which was about 50 minutes from hers on public transportation. I invited her to stay for the night so that she wouldn't have to take the train and walk to her apartment alone so late at night. Rather than asking her to stay the night, ...


26

I play the Devil's Advocate all the time, I think with a good amount of success (as in, people don't usually get made at me for it). There are a few things I always keep in mind. When you should do it If you know that the person you're talking to appreciates open discourses on contentious subjects. There are some people who do not want their worldview ...


25

It isn't rude, it is nice. However, as a 55-year old woman, I prefer people don't give up their seat for me as I really want to be treated like others. I wear jeans, am in great shape and not tired looking. I give up my seat to younger women who are overweight and/or tired looking, and especially if they have a child. If this isn't too complicated, try to ...


24

I admit it doesn't directly answer the question, but you should consider getting your relative prescreened if they're eligible. There's a program called CANPASS that allows "low-risk, pre-screened travellers" to enter the country faster and with less hassle. I'm not too familiar with this program but I have several family members who participate the the US'...


23

First off, this is awkward, and there isn't a lot you can do to make it less awkward. Very few people absolutely will not eat in restaurants. They may eat without enjoying it much, they may limit how often they do it to save money, but just plain not ever consuming anything a restaurant, any restaurant, has to offer is outside the cultural norms of pretty ...


23

It sounds like you may be worrying about someone who doesn't need worrying about. Bruce and his girlfriend may have a different outlook on life to you. Arguably theirs is a more positive outlook. I can see you aren't trying to bring them down or make them more negative, and your intentions might be well-meaning, but the one piece of information you give ...


21

I can speak as a follow Canadian public transit rider. I have also received condescending / insulted looks for doing this, even from people carrying lots of stuff. Canadian politeness ("No, you take it, I insist"), personal pride, and the almost British keep-your-eyes-to-yourself attitude on public transit are all at play here. My solution is often to make ...


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