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254

You are asking for something extra I think it is perfectly fine to be vegan. But if there is a bunch of people to be cooked for, demanding a change of meals because of the wishes of one would be requiring something extra. Just because you choose not to eat something, does not mean everyone else is fine going with that and also not having that for family ...


160

Can you violate table manners in public? Of course you can. Everyone can. In fact until someone learns them it's likely that they will be unintentionally violating them. Table manners are just codified expectations of behavior, normally considered part of "polite society". This is a reciprocal expectation. You can't hold someone's poor manners against them ...


121

Originally commented on a different answer, but I want to flesh this out into a full response - Unlike other answers, I don't believe your primary choice is to just accept this as what it is and move on. However, I don't think that a monologue about how she's making you feel is going to make her more likely to accommodate you. If anything, approaching ...


95

Your in-laws have broken your trust here. It's not so much about the diet itself (they're free to disagree with it, they can even refuse to cook it and let you cook) but this is about them refusing to respect your personal decisions and then deceiving you by making you things you don't want to eat. So approach it like that. Revoke their privilege of cooking ...


94

I post from the perspective of being a vegetarian myself and my boyfriend eating meat. I think it's very important to talk more to her. It's important that you respect each others diets and this should come for both sides. For my boyfriend and I this means we cook mostly vegetarian with sometimes some meat on the side. Sometimes, especially when there also ...


86

First of all, you've stated you asked 'where do you want to go' and that if he answers 'Wherever', you have asked if there are restrictions/preferences on his side. I don't know how you asked, but sometimes, what I call 'the toddler approach' might work best: Offer them two choices, and have them pick what they want. So: Where do you want to go today? I'm ...


81

The etiquette is for people with dietary restrictions to tell the host about it beforehand. But it happens that these people forget to tell the host, and to prevent awkward situations at the dinner table, it is perfectly fine (very nice and accommodating even) as a host to ask the group for dietary restrictions. To prevent such a question from being ...


74

Yes. In fact, "table manners" are a matter of circumstance, as anyone with a background in etiquette should tell you. It is not physically possible for you to conform to my manner of eating, so I would be obliged to either conform to yours, or to politely ignore yours, depending on the specific nature of the issue. For anyone beyond the confines of your ...


70

My mom has a habit to cook for two meal times: breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, or even dinner and tomorrow's breakfast. Because of this, usually we only eat exactly half (or maybe even less) of what she has cooked for each meal. We were raised to not waste food, at all. I've gone as extreme as eating every bit of rice on my plate, literally. (My ...


57

Judging from what you said in the comments: Yes but it looks like he doesn't like what he is eating since he is always complaining. Your co-worker might very well be feeling a little jealous. Trust me, I'm dieting myself, and it's pretty hard to see co-workers eat the nice cafeteria petit pains with salmon or brie, and I'm there chewing a slice of dry ...


53

I think what your friend doesn't understand (and that many other answers are missing) is that it is work to figure out where to eat, and he's passing that work off to you every time. Sounds like you'd agree with Captain Awkward here: I had a partner whose answer to “What should we have for dinner?” was almost always “Whatever you want!” Over time, ...


45

How could I have politely told the mom that I'd like to have been able to eat as much as I wanted to OR that I was still hungry because I didn't have enough food OR that I couldn't enjoy food if I had to worry so much about portions, without coming off as unappreciative? There isn't really a good way of doing this. The fundamental problem here is that all ...


42

Hate to break the news, but this is often a part of dating vegetarians... Like anyone with strong moral/ethical convictions they're very often inclined to want their partners to share their convictions or at the very least be considerate of them. From the sounds of things, your partner very likely wants you to adopt a vegetarian diet. If you're not ...


39

The first thing you need to ask her is: "Does she seriously want to lose weight?". There are people who realize that they are overweight, but do not consider it an issue which is serious enough to change their lifestyle. That's their decision (and so is yours to leave your partner when you no longer feel physically attracted to them, but that's just by-the-...


38

Even when I could point out some irregularity in her diet, I just can't say it without sounding rude. ...All in all, my goal is to help her in the long run, because it has gone too far. Decide what is more important to you, having her as a partner here and now, and enjoying that partnership, or making her unhappy, or ending the relationship. It seems to me ...


35

There are times that it may be impossible to do something politely, and this might be one of them. If by chance you were truly malnourished and actually required more food for health, then by all means I'd delve into how to address it. That is highly unlikely and as such, seems more like a quirk you need to adjust to. There is really no time where we have ...


34

The fact that you are both on the autism spectrum can work in your favor bringing this up because you can share a common point of view. You might ask him a more general starting question like: I know that we have both had to endure strange looks or bullying because of some of our behaviors. I would hope that if you noticed something I was doing that ...


31

1 pack of ravioli for 5 people? Sharing meals at restaurants? No seconds of dessert? Sounds a lot like my family growing up. Thing is we never thought of ourselves as tight and never went hungry. To me it sounds like the problem here is that you are used to much larger portions than they are and what they consider normal is much less than what you do. If ...


31

"Table manners" is just one small subset of overall "good manners". One hallmark of good manners is patience and respect, and a desire to make others comfortable in your presence. Someone displaying good manners would not, for example, comment on your disability unless you brought it up yourself. They may appear not to even notice your tremor or your use ...


30

From your other questions: Alice began to develop a very bad body image and resorted to eating almost nothing or vomiting her meals. [source] Assuming this is true, this could be a very serious health issue. She has been to a clinic for help and has seen doctors, and has gotten better as a result. Yes, it's great that she sought help. But now, ...


30

I have dealt with almost exactly the same things throughout my life, although in my case it was not limited to "new" people. Family members, significant others, and friends have become worried about my food intake despite me maintaining what would be considered a "healthy" weight, and so I had to take steps to explain to them that I was, in fact, being ...


28

I'm an intermittent faster as well. I'm autistic and hardly ever feel hungry, so I skip breakfasts to make it a bit easier for me to feel the hunger. However, I have other dietary restrictions due to autism that sometimes make it difficult to eat outside with other people who don't have the same restrictions. My coworkers know about my restrictions so it ...


26

This is not about justifying your diet. Such discussions can be endless. The problem is that they don't respect your choice. The best approach is to appeal to their conscience. You must make them feel ashamed by showing them how disappointed you are. Tell them that you never thought they would abuse your trust like this. It's important to trigger real ...


24

Probably, he really does not know what he wants to eat; he may need some more time to understand what he really wants to eat. You could anticipate him by playing his same game: Today I'm out of creativity, I don't know what I want to eat. Do you mind deciding where are we going to eat today? You could ask him some time before actually going to eat, for ...


21

This reminds me of the mini pie dilemma scene from a movie. I forgot the title. There are three pies: 1x lemon, and 2x raspberry. There are three mouths to feed: Ann loves lemon, John loves raspberry, and Steve has diabetes. They don't know each others' tastes. However, politeness dictates Ann choose first because she's the guest. She wants lemon, but if ...


17

I have a close family member who had that problem (until he got a brain pacemaker, which is a whole other story...). The worst were coffee cups, especially when the tremor got so bad that the content started flying. Judging from that, you have your hands full with other problems anyways, and manners or the impression you leave should be the least of your ...


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