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178

As the "computer person" among neighbors who are...not, I've dealt with this a few times. The person asking for your help does not want to be a freeloader and thus wants to compensate you; you do not want to transform a friendly favor into a business transaction (and anyway you couldn't charge what you normally would in a business setting, so it's awkward). ...


175

Spend some time (with your wife) getting to know Jane. Invite her and her kids over for dinner, or a Saturday lunch grill-out, or have your two families meet for bowling or something. It seems strange to me that you'd let your kids play together, but only if you're around. When we moved to a new neighborhood, we got to know the family across the street that ...


167

I'm female, so I don't have a lot of the concerns you would have, necessarily... or a different set of concerns, but the solution I would personally accept if a guy moved in next door to me would be to get a small business card-like piece of paper that I could put on my fridge or enter into my phone. The piece of paper should be formatted and printed in a ...


146

My biggest concern with you addressing Jane is that she could take offense to the implication of her wanting to seduce you (presently or at a future time), so to avoid that I'd suggest saying something more like: "My wife and I have an agreement to not spend time with the opposite sex alone, so out of respect to her I'd like to wait for my kids to come ...


97

In the United States and Canada, you can call a fire marshal (firefighters in France according to OldPadawan's comment) to come in and evaluate the entrance for fire code enforcement. They can order the installment of signs which say "No parking or standing at any time" and if the neighbor continues to violate the signs then you can call police to ticket ...


77

Because it was something you used to do for the people who lived there before, you could use that to basically ease your way into it. Mention to him that you used to do it for the previous tenants/owners of the house, and that you really don't mind continuing to help out with it for them as well, if they want. Worst comes to worst, they decline, you continue ...


76

You've told them that standing water can cause problems with bugs, but that doesn't mean they've made the connection. People hear "X could cause problem Y" and dismiss it if they don't personally care much about Y. If these are young students possibly living on their own for the first time, there are tons of "household 101" stuff they might not know yet, ...


76

I have found that asking for them to donate to a local charity works well. I have some fairly well-off friends who insist on paying me when I help them with computer or technical tasks but I do not really want or need the money so I ask them to donate whatever they would pay me to a local youth organization. This comes with an added benefit of if they ...


69

Clearly, the answer is to tell your neighbor that your cat has a medical condition, and needs a special brand of food. Buy an extra bag or two of that food and give it to your neighbor and tell her that if she wants to feed your pet, to use this food instead, so that your cat's medical condition may improve. Now your cat has love, your cat is healthy, you ...


66

Let the past lie and make the focus entirely on what happens next. There is no profit for either party in getting mired in what anyone’s thought processes were over that incident. But if you are to avoid that, you need to prepare what you want to say, but also have strategies on hand to rebuff any rehashing on her part. I would suggest considering some of ...


58

Why they choose to park at the door and block other people is irrelevant. Their car may be made of glass, they may have OCD, they may be jerks that don't care about other people. Whatever the reason, they need to not park there. I agree with the other answers that this is something to take up with your landlord. The way to get your landlord to take ...


56

Congratulations, you are a cat owner This is hardly an interpersonal problem, and it has little to do with your neighbor. She is under no obligation to take over full care of your cat and you can't "force" her to adopt it. If you don't want the cat to go there, ask her not to let the cat in. However, the real problem here is that you nor your girlfriend ...


56

I once had a noisy neighbour who was very inconsiderate like yours. Talking to him, knocking on his door and writing him letters didn't help. You should look up the bylaws in your city and see if your city has any bylaw enforcement. You would probably have more luck with bylaw enforcement because the police often feel like their time is being wasted handling ...


55

Anecdotal but probably relevant: When we moved to our neighbourhood (Germany, rural area, medium size community) we threw a "Garage Party" and invited the closest neighbours. That is the ones you'll likely be running into and say "hi". (Ended up to be around 20 people) We wrote invitation cards and simply dropped them in their mailboxes two weeks prior. ...


55

It sounds like it's time for a police welfare check... If your assumptions are correct; that there's a disabled person living in an apartment with a small dog in unsanitary conditions, your looking at a possible case of neglect and/or abuse. It's sad, but often these cases go unnoticed until neighbors complain. It's unfortunate that they usually complain ...


51

I will assume that what you want to know is what you put in the title: How can I try to have my mom help me understand why she won't accept a sincere apology? In other words, I won't be addressing the related question how can I persuade her to accept a sincere apology. (If I'm answering the wrong question, please let me know.) Slowly. I'll give an ...


49

Sure you can Not an American but having lent and borrowed many tools to and from many different people from different cultures, this seems universal: I would plan on using it for a few hours and returning it clean and dry, is there anything else I should do? Is payment in beer (he drinks beer on his porch) appropriate? This is fine. Simply ask him if ...


47

If I understand correctly, your issue is you being in Jane's house (with or without your children, for any length of time at all) if your wife is not in your house or otherwise nearby. I am not sure whether you think Jane will try to seduce you, or that you might be in the future vulnerable to a false claim from Jane that you assaulted her, or that ...


43

You have misgivings, and there's a number of ways you can avoid the situation. The simplest one is to say that your kids simply can't come out to play right now. No explanation is necessary - they're your kids, and they're quite young. Another possibility is that you drop your daughters off to play, then simply pick them up later, never entering the house....


42

I think you are pretty much out of options and did everything right. To recap: you tried to establish contact to the person you confronted the only person you know to have contact to your neighbor you investigated the source of the problem as far as you can without overstepping your boundaries What you can do to satisfy your bad conscience, which there is ...


38

One thing that is missing from other answers. When accepting money you will take on responsibility for the result. There are two issues: If you got paid anything > $0, then neighbor can come knocking on your door saying "I paid for this and now my computer blew up that's your fault!" If you got paid, you will be expected to do similar work at similar rate ...


36

Personally, I find that charts and graphs help a lot, so I've mocked up what I assume your corner looks like based on the description in your question: I have a large corner lot facing South. Abby has a regular lot facing West (towards the side of my house, with a good view of all of it, including what is my "back yard".) I have a corner lot, too and we ...


35

Similar to the answer @Bilkokuya posted, the most important thing to stress here is that the number is for emergencies, and that you are not just providing your phone number to that particular resident, but to each of your "immediate neighbors". Including the other neighbors will make it clear that this is not an attempt to target that specific person, which ...


33

This is a very tough one, I feel sorry for you, really... As you can't tell people how to raise and take care of their kids, you're walking on eggs. Doing so would only lead into a dead-end and a no-win situation. You're left with: Say nothing (not good, you already tried) move (???) Let them know. I would use a quite flexible (snaky) approach, without ...


33

I was taught this as part of my training to be at a conference on behalf of the conference organizers. Talking to people is part of the job, and in fact standing at a booth for people to come and talk to you is often part of the job. And you get people who love to talk and will not take hints. The vital step is to stop hinting and clearly communicate that ...


31

The UK Government publish some advice on resolving neighbour disputes, and although you haven't managed to talk to the neighbour herself, i think this qualifies because you cannot make contact with her. How to resolve neighbour disputes BarnetHomes own website is unhelpful on the subject, but you may be able to find out if they have a locus in this by ...


30

Several things to bear in mind: Firstly, she very likely meant no harm whatsoever. She mowed your lawn, likely thinking she was doing you a favour. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's quite possible she keeps her lawn shorter than yours, and thought you simply hadn't had time to do it. Therefore, be friendly. If you feel at all irritated, you may ...


30

Honestly, I don't think there is a way to say something like that to your neighbor without damaging your relationship with her and therefore jeopardizing the kids' relationships. Consider the messages you're sending: You and your wife don't trust your neighbor, solely because you're similar ages and she's single and female, despite her having done nothing ...


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