85

This is a tricky situation but ultimately can be a matter of life and death. I will recommend you to tell him. Since it is a health related topic. Bottom line is that you can save someone's life. You should explain why you are alerting him. Of course, since the person in question is just an acquaintance, apologize for the indiscretion of what you are about ...


79

Once I went to the funeral of a distant relative of my young nephew, he asked me why I went to the funeral, because I did not even know the person who died. My answer was simple: I came for you, not for her. Maybe you should visit your grandmother not because you care about her, but because you love your mother. Your mother is the one who is expecting ...


77

You've told them that standing water can cause problems with bugs, but that doesn't mean they've made the connection. People hear "X could cause problem Y" and dismiss it if they don't personally care much about Y. If these are young students possibly living on their own for the first time, there are tons of "household 101" stuff they might not know yet, ...


52

I find that leading with a question rather than a statement works better for casual acquaintances. Open with something like "hey, are you aware that that mole above your eye has been growing?". It's always possible that he does and he's already planning to take care of it. If he responds with something like "eh, why does it matter?", then you can share ...


37

To address your question directly: How can I tell my Mom that I don't care about her mother without upsetting her? You can't. You cannot expect to tell a relative that you do not care about a person that they care about without causing them some upset. However, I won't be obtuse. I feel like you're asking: How can I support my mother without ...


30

I have dealt with almost exactly the same things throughout my life, although in my case it was not limited to "new" people. Family members, significant others, and friends have become worried about my food intake despite me maintaining what would be considered a "healthy" weight, and so I had to take steps to explain to them that I was, in fact, being ...


15

I'd go with one last, final warning. No gentle coercion, but cold hard truth. Tell your roommates that: There are mosquitoes breeding in the water. I'm assuming hot weather, so you want to be able to have your window open at night. You're bothered by the mosquitoes and it's worse for you since they decided to plant the pool under your window. You're ...


12

This sort of thing is a very common problem for lots of people. I've been there too. When a statement is vague, it can help to use a technique called "active listening" to learn more. So you could say "You are? I'm sorry to worry you, what are you concerned about?" There are three items here: You are? -> Showing you're listening and you care I'm sorry to ...


11

Don't over-explain or discuss. "I'm fine with a muffin, thanks for bringing them in." Come up with a simple phrase, maybe: "My doctor is happy with my weight". Repeat, repeat, repeat. Make it boring. "I appreciate your concern, but my doctor is happy with my weight." Shuts down conversation really quick when they realize they're not going to ...


9

My 2 cents: I have and currently am in the same boat as your sister. My mom is extremely athletic, but my dad and sister are also extremely not. I grew up doing varisty everything and like your sister, quit everything cold turkey in college (also due to injuries). I gained weight, a lot more than probably your sister did. I have been trying for a decade now ...


9

As someone who was once very ill indeed, and had to fill a lot of people in, and also as someone who has had "fussers" in my life who irritate me with the health questions they asked, let me offer some guidelines: DON'T ask "are you still" or "do you still" anything. I used to get really creeped out that something I mentioned in passing 2 weeks ago was ...


9

Like your friend I've been a young person going through a couple of heart surgeries (minor ones relatively speaking and I was in my early twenties). Also like your friend, I have high-function depression. While baldPrussian's answer is awesome and you should definitely follow it. Only do so if your friend really wants you to make that kind of space for them....


8

From the way you've presented this question, you've convinced me that this is probably something worth pointing out. I also understand the sort of unitentional tracking of the size of his mole; you tend to notice when something changes size on someone's face. Unfortunately, both these things are hard to express face to face. If a loose acquaintence told me ...


8

Your issue is really a difference in lifestyles. When I was in sports in college, it was a challenge to convince my girlfriend that I needed to take the time to engage in training instead of spending it with her. I suspect that you have that issue as well - you don't want to give up your active lifestyle for a more sedentary life, and he sees no reason to ...


7

Perhaps you could try a big sign in some bright color like yellow or red so that it gets noticed (like a street sign) that says in big bold letters: Shhh, Speak softly." Then underneath in smaller text This occupant suffers from hyperacusis which causes even normal volume sound to be painful to her/him. Having a big noticeable sign should remind ...


7

Just tell him. Apologize for it, give him enough information to indicate you have some experience, and let him know. Then don't bring it up again unless he brings it up. I know we're not close, and this may be overstepping bounds to bring this up, but I have a lot of experience with skin disease and I've noticed a mole growing over your eyebrow which ...


7

Well, it's very nice of them to be worried about your health. They seem to be very nice people. In my opinion, all your approaches are fine and I'd say that you should try your second approach more. They won't worry about it anymore after sometime. I have an impression of eating a lot, but ever since I started to control my diet, people think that I have ...


7

How can I ask her these 2 questions in such that she won’t have to get angry at me? From what you wrote it sounds like this is a trust issue. Your mother does not trust you to behave like a responsible adult and take care of your own issues. If you want to build trust with your mother you need to engage in trust-building activities. Simply put: if you want ...


7

I have practiced several martial arts. In one of them I got close to get a black belt. However I was never interested in really violent martial arts, so I didn't have to deal with blood like you describe, because once I noticed the level of violence, if I wasn't comfortable I changed class. But I had to deal with other kind of issues. I practiced Aikido, for ...


7

Simple Answer: You Can't. I agree with the advice given by Santiago and Dancrumb. It would not be productive to simply tell you're mother that you don't care about your grandmother, but it would be good for you to explain why you're unwilling to visit your grandmother. I would also suggest, if you can, going with your mother to visit your grandmother. This ...


6

I think the biggest challenge here is to understand why your partner refuses to go seeing doctors ; it could be a good point to start with. Do you know why they refuse to see someone? I guess that if you're asking this it's precisely that you don't know, so you may be starting with: Hi honey. About the last time you got sick, I would like you to know that ...


6

If her doctor and/or nutritionist have given her a list of foods to avoid because of her high cholesterol, then make sure you don't have those foods on hand during her visits. Follow her diet with her, without making a fanfare. This may require doing some shopping on your own, without her or your father putting things into the cart. In my experience this ...


6

Since you have regular, friendly contact with this person, it should be straightforward. Tony, I don't know if you've noticed, but the mole above your right [left] eyebrow has changed recently. Have you thought about having it checked? That's a starting point -- you can adapt it to what feels comfortable for you. As a wrap-up of the topic, before ...


6

Despite my usual policy, don't be 100% honest here. The fact that you knew you had this problem, planned to go part-time from the start, and didn't tell them, is not OK. Also you're not obligated to tell them about your autism. You should tell your boss if a health issue impacts your work, but you're under no obligation to disclose the details or the origins ...


6

You've got 2 things going on there, each of which require a different approach. There's a lot of info out there on handling depressed friends an done or two most excellent TED talks on the subject (https://www.ted.com/topics/depression), so I'll skip that. In seminary, we learn about walking through people's fear and grief - it's a big part of an effective ...


5

Why beat around the bush? This is one of the few advantages mano-a-mano friends have, just... say it. Hey man, you really should have a doctor look at that mole. ABCDEF - you know about that? Assymetry, Border, Color, Diameter, Evolving, Funny. They use it to score the "malignity" of moles. I am not a doctor, but after a scare with skin cancer I have met ...


5

As my mother used to say: If you don't want to be treated like a child, stop acting like one! And of course the converse is true - if you want people to respect and treat you as an adult you need to demonstrate that you are worthy of this by acting like an adult. In fact that is fundamentally what being and adult is. One of the key differences between ...


5

in this side of Europe I assume I am from the same "side of Europe", considering the description. Sadly it is not custom in this side of Europe to announce or plan a visit. Maybe it is not the custom in the most ordinary situations. But even in this part of Europe, visits in a hospital are limited within certain hours. Just because the patient is at ...


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